Bratty children and presents

[BrandySnaps1]

Gave my niece (through marriage) a Christmas present. Shes 14. Obsessed with make up, hair, and because of her dad, loves designer. Shes spoilt. 5* holidays, bags, you name it, shes got it or at least wants it.

Gave her some makeup items and she was SO disappointed. She opened it and the look on her face said it all. She expected Armani make up and i got her Boots items. Either way since when have pre-teens because so spoilt? Next time Im not even going to bother.

Anyone else experienced bratty children? How to handle them through gritted teeth. Shouldnt kids at least feign excitment?

I have had this a few times, I am always absurdly kind and nice and take the present away to 'swap' but then keep 'forgetting'. Then next year just a card and "I didn't get a gift as I always get it so wrong" and laugh.

OP are you bitter that your kids don't go to private school like this "spoilt" girl?
Do your kids sound excited when they tell you all about her 5* holidays, and you wish you could afford to take your kids to have similar experiences?

Joke’s on her - some Boots stuff, especially the serums, are the dog’s.
Her dad has done her no favours whatsoever. She’s in for a sharp shock sometime down the line, unless he’s going to subsidise her ridiculous demands forever.

She was dissapointed but she did thank you. You said she's 14, 14 is a teenager not a pre teen

So she did say thank you?? She’s 14, she’s unlikely to be able to give that convincing a performance in feigning true delight and from your updates it really does sound like you got her something you knew full well that she wouldn’t like.

Op did you honestly never express disappointment as a teen? How do you know a relation didn’t think the same of you? As an adult now I cringe at the amount of times my aunt and uncle tried to make conversation and I just started reading something or looked at the tv, gave monosyllabic answers. I remember my mum and sister buying me clothes and me just taking them with a basic thanks even though that must have taken up half of their day out. It’s what teenagers do and anyone here that thinks they weren’t like that ever should go have a chat with their relatives 😂

I dont have children and she and her brother are the only niece and nephew on this side of the family. If i had kids i am learning not what to do from my SIL and BIL.

You don't appear to like her very much... Maybe just avoid her or send a small voucher in future.

If that's not the case, maybe get to know her a bit better so that next time you can choose a present she'd really appreciate. Or give a price range and ask her parents to suggest a gift.

We all have too much stuff and it baffles me that people feel entitled to dump yet more ill-thought out junk on others under the pretext of being "generous". It might be the thought that counts, but precious little thought goes into a lot of gifts, it seems.

Boots makeup to a teenage girl is the equivalent of getting an M&S cardy if you love clothes.

Did she say thank you? I am one of those people whose face says everything, whether I want it to or not. I can't hide disappointment, shock, boredom, disdain, etc. I always say thank you but I can never hide my disappointment.

We are all perfect parents before we have children. Afterwards, we find a way to muddle through.

This is my worry. She already displays such entitled behaviour. I do think her dad wouldnt even let her get married unless the guy earns X amount of money.

He once said to me about my sister getting married, that one of us at least married for money. My DH and I are not as wealthy as the rest of the family, but we still try. Whereas BIL and SIL ern more than enough but cant be bothered to give us a birthday card and then their daughter has the nerve to express disdain at presents. A bit cheeky no?

aah I see your point now. sounds like the parents are creating this attitude. they will pay for it later as she grows up to be a selfish entitled bully sadly.

personally I would not buy her anything or try to engage. not your circus, not your monkeys.

i know she likes eyeshadows so got her a palette, yes it didnt cost £50 or something ridiculous

I think the issue here is not so much that your niece is ungrateful, but the fact that you disapprove of people who choose to spend their money on things you think are silly.

You are coming across as jealous and bitter. Why on earth would you buy her cheaper make up if you know she is into designer stuff? A voucher would have much better.

Isn't this about the Dad though, and not her?

Wow. This hit me hard! I did express disapointment Im sure, and several times when people tried to talk to me i would be difficult/ moody/ a general teenage girl nightmare. I suppose it just hurts being on the receiving end

I would say she is spoilt but maybe not bratty. Bratty, to me, would have been her being rude or commenting on the gift. As far as I can gather it was just that "those who know her can tell when she's being fake". So she tried to cover up her disappointment. I can afford a certain standard of item and would be disappointed to receive a cheap alternative as I would not use it. I would make the right noises but would probably not use the item. And I would feel more disappointed that the person did not know me and had bought me a generic gift, rather than the gift itself. I like plenty of cheaper things they could have chosen (chocolates etc) but they chose to get me a cheap version of something I buy that is higher end. Maybe next time ask what she wants or provide a voucher towards a high end item. Or use the money to go for lunch with her or take her on a day course or such. Get to know her and teach her time and relationships are valuable too.

All the problems you have listed appear just to be her parenting.

You do not sound very nice.

The more you post teh more obvious it becomes that you are crazy jealous of them and their lifestyle and have decided to focus on the shortcomings of a 14 year old.

You sound like you dislike them and you bought her a present you must have known she wouldn't like. I have no doubt your brother is spoiling her but could she also be picking up on your attitude? Perhaps try to disengage a little bit,, draw a few boundaries in your own mind and reset the relationship you have with her? Number one boundary - cash or vouchers as gifts from now on! That way, you are also not competing with your brother, who sounds like a pain.

This exactly.

YANBU to expect a polite acknowledgment and thanks. She does sound spoilt, but that's a result of her parents' choices and unfair to blame her.

You sound pretty horrible about her. I have teens, and while most certainly they'd be polite, a gift that was entirely apart of from their preferences would be of no interest to them. They wouldn't expect some expensive gift, they'd appreciate a voucher or cash in a small amount that they could put towards something.

They would be expected to be - and would be - gracious & polite.

Oh dear, you really don't like them, do you!
A random eye make up palette from a brand you know she won't like is probably the worst present you could get. It's as though you are trying to set her up for a fall? We stopped gifting with my sil because she brought my dd a make up palette for Christmas, because I just thought what's the point. Next year do a gift voucher or just the cash.

This. she is entitled and selfish, and also attention seeking. Ive noticed she gets super jealous when other people, children in particular are getting attention.

Her parents - specifically her dad- are leading her to believe and value the wrong things (IMO). Everything for him is a competition - who is earning the most, who has the best car, who goes on the best holidays, who wears the best clothes. Urgh I cannot stand him.

Whilst she is obviously spoilt and hasn't been taught manners, I do think buying makeup for a 14 year old you know has an aspirational lifestyle was an own goal. There are reasonably priced gifts that may have been a lot safer eg go for toiletries from a spa brand or go for makeup brushes perhaps.

Horrible. If you're talking about a child.

Either don't offer to exchange it, or do, and then do it.

Although I've DC myself, I always ask my god children / their parents what they'd like as I don't assume that what my DC like, they would too.

She may be spoilt. She may just be your average teen being a teen. You do sound very bitter though and I think you should focus on resolving that rather than seething about your niece.