Bratty children and presents

[BrandySnaps1]

Gave my niece (through marriage) a Christmas present. Shes 14. Obsessed with make up, hair, and because of her dad, loves designer. Shes spoilt. 5* holidays, bags, you name it, shes got it or at least wants it.

Gave her some makeup items and she was SO disappointed. She opened it and the look on her face said it all. She expected Armani make up and i got her Boots items. Either way since when have pre-teens because so spoilt? Next time Im not even going to bother.

Anyone else experienced bratty children? How to handle them through gritted teeth. Shouldnt kids at least feign excitment?

Teens have always wanted named brands and trends... its just gone from being Nike and Adidas to Sephora and whatever else is the current fashion

I'm not materialistic but did insist on Doc Marten school shoes over Clarks. I also have preferred "normal" brands of skincare and wash products so items that aren't in those brands go to the local fair. A dose of brutal honesty as it were stopped people buying those brands and pointed them towards ones I do use

Because surely its better for someone to say "thank you but I don't use Dove/Garnier/Radox. L'ORÉAL on the other hand would be great" and give you a hint for next time so you can get something useful than "Oh wow thanks. Another Dove gift set (which will be immediately donated and I will never use)"?

IDK, I think it's disingenuous to let someone keep wasting money on buying you gifts you don't want

It is indeed a shame that teens are so much more brand conscious than they used to be.

I loved makeup as a teen, and I would have been overjoyed if they had all the eyeshadow sets and choice of cheap brands that are available today. Instead mid 80s Rimmel was about the only brand that offered eyeshadow and lip colour palettes, I still remember them fondly.

But life moves on and teens love their brands. If you find it irksome - as I do - just give them money or nothing.

Exactly this!

I did not purposely buy her a 'budget brand', and this is after DH said not to worry about Xmas gifts. And I agree about teens now having higher expectations (maybe social media, TikTok, sephora hauls have caused this)

BIL especially is reinforcing the narrative of more money spent = more care. I have a friend who only buys secondhand. Her daughter absolutey loves charity shops, books, and gets sponsorship in her name for animals and children who need it and she is over the moon. Maybe because I dont have children yet and I see such a stark differnece. The world now for children growing up is scary and the expectations are so high that even a boots palette (to clarify it wasnt boots own brand, it was a youtuber palette) is not even good enough.

And Im being told it was thoughtless and that I should have spent more on one designer item instead. Unbelivable!

This is how i feel. I still regularly buy rimmel mascara, and mix it up with other more expensive brands. And Im 35!

more expensive doesnt mean better and ive learnt that. I had a dior mascara that I spent so much money on that didnt give me half the results as my maybelline one. I just wanted DN to be more grateful. But as PP have said that is on the parents - i cant be angry at her as she is only 14.

What precisely do you want her to be 'grateful' for? For thinking of her? Or for the gift itself?

As an adult, I appreciate any gift, however misjudged, because of the sentiment behind it. Even if I regift it or find another home for it, I'm touched that the giver has gone to the trouble (assuming it's not something completely thoughtless). That to me is more important than the gift itself - if I like the gift, it's just an extra bonus. Exceptions to this of course are people who know me well and from whom I can reasonably expect a gift specifically chosen with some care for me (for insurance, my DH) from whom I do expect a bit more 😂.

I think it's much harder for young children to appreciate sentiments in this way, so what you're really asking is that they pretend to like something they don't really like to spare the giver's feelings. Teens should be starting to appreciate the thought that goes into gift-giving, but tbh I don't think I'd reached the point of appreciating this until my early 20s - before that, I just trotted out dutifully "thank you, it's lovely" because that's what was expected.

I've reached the point now that I can express genuine gratitude for the most godawful rubbish, but I think that's more an adult thing - as adults, we're often taken for granted so any recognition tends to be touching 😂. Most teens clearly don't have this yet - they are right, left and centre in their little worlds.

a boots palette (to clarify it wasnt boots own brand, it was a youtuber palette)

So it wasn't a Boots palette. It was a YTers palette. Which still doesn't mean its one she wants.

And no one is saying you should have spent more. But could have spent the same on a small item from a brand she likes.

It's really clear you don't like her and resent her. If you'd agreed no presents then you should have stuck to that. Not gone off script to buy something so you could be bitter about it.

And this attitude is why there are so many rude uncontrollable kids these days. We’re just supposed to let them behave how they want and then they turn into adults who think the world owes them something. No thanks. Everybody,
no matter how old they are, should display good manners.

OP your update is interesting.

The fact that you spent a lot of money in a high end brand mascara shows you aren't immune to the marketing either.

Young people are bombarded with it online in a way that we just weren't when growing up, also as it comes from "influencers " rather than good old advertising, they are probably naive enough not to realise these people are getting paid to say nice things about expensive products.

Maybe when you see her next you could say that you have found that not all expensive makeup is as good as it's meant to be and money doesn't sometimes equate to quality. Frame it as an open discussion see what she says, you might be surprised and impressed with her response.

@EmilyTjP Everybody,no matter how old they are, should display good manners.

Something that seems to be missing from a big minority of ADULTS on Mumsnet

OP you still don't seem to get it despite lots of people giving their insight on here. This is a secondary relative who you have no parental responsibility over. Whatever your feelings are around branded cosmetics it's really none of your fucking business what skincare products she wants to use. If you're butthurt over a child's reaction to your gift then the options for responding to it maturely are

1. Give her money/vouchers next year so that she can be more selective
2. continue giving her the gifts you want to and turn a blind eye to her reaction
3. politely suggest to BIL that you stop gifting

It's really grim to be slagging off a loved one like this on here for no real reason. I'd honestly be livid if I was this kid's parents and found this

I feel really sorry for both of you. It’s so stressful finding nice gifts in your situation, and she has been misled about the nature of giving. Don’t take her response to heart; she’s a teenager and will be full of insecurities about what she gets, her image, whether she is loved… the Teenagers Untangled podcast has an episode on ungrateful teens. Why they are like that, and what you can get them. The best presents are activities. You can also sat that it would be lovely to be able to afford Armani, but the price of a present isn’t an indicator of love or care for someone.

Wow you really don’t like her do you? Are you jealous?

14 year old doesn’t love preset I bought and although they tried to be polite didn’t hide it very well. That’s literally your post. She doesn’t h deter and value of money as she has a lot of nice things.

you clearly don’t like this kid.

YANBU she's a spoilt brat that has been brought up that way by her father.
I would just gift future presents in the form of High Street vouchers or cash and she can make her own choices. She's old enough to do that.

Stop trying!

How many times will you let this family insult you before saying enough is enough and not bothering with cards and presents?

I’ve always taught my kids to smile and say thanks whether you like it or not. It’s good manners

Please please please next Christmas/birthday do a donation to charity in her name. The money goes to a good cause and you don’t have to worry about what she thinks because the money has already been spent.

in all seriousness, unless you’re spending £50+ on some make up packaging (as we all know the contents are the same) she’s never going to care, and it’s just a waste of money. She’s going to chuck it in the bin or in a drawer, may as well give the money to someone who cares and is grateful!

Not rtwft but my take on it is that not all kids are likeable - as with all other people, they are heavily influenced by upbringing, general environment and core personality traits. But we give kids a bit of leeway because they are kids and their brains are still developing!

You don't have to like her and you don't have to spend time and effort on her. But to oil the wheels of family life you do have to acknowledge Christmas and birthdays. Buy her a generic gift, like a gift card for a shop which sells the things she likes. Or ask her parents where she shops. Then put it out of your mind. You are allowing your (probably justified) dislike of her rude AF parents to spill onto her, which is a bit unfair. She's a product of her upbringing in large part and hasn't yet learned social niceties, since these appear to be lacking in her parents.

Stop acknowledging bil/sil birthdays - not your circus and they make no effort for you. If they are openly rude to you, then say something. You are allowed to! And you'll feel better for it.
But stop letting this kid have so much of your headspace - get a little gift then forget it!

I know I'm missing the point of the thread here, but I bought a mystery Beauty Box from Secret Sales and it had YSL, Lancome and other good stuff in!! Was for someone who likes nice stuff and they were thrilled. Truly I wouldn't bother with this brat next year. Could you maybe start distancing yourself now???

What a total idiot! So ill - bred and shallow. No wonder your niece is like she is.
For your own sake, move on from this and, in future, give her a card with cash inside.

I came here to say exactly the same as you. I got my niece a sol de janiero set she asked for and she was thrilled with it. The set was £50 so just a couple of stocking fillers to go with it but she loved her main present. I wouldn’t have got her impulse stuff and expected her to be thrilled……

Also as a person who went to a private school the brands absolutely matter. You say “an eyeshadow palette from a cool YouTuber” she isn’t 11/12.

You obviously don’t like the girl or her father (I presume she is your sisters child). She doesn’t want the gifts that you clearly don’t want to give.

Just get her a gift card or cash IF you want to buy her a present. Or don't get her anything. I aways online banking transfer cash to my niece every Christmas and Birthday and send a text to wish her happy occasion and let her know. It's worked well for many, many years. Never met a kid who didn't like getting cash as a present.

Yep. Let’s not excuse poor behaviour. Teens are well able to know right from wrong.

It’s hard to warm toward spoilt teens. And many many teens are not like this. People are posting like it’s unavoidable.

And anonymous posts here are fine. She isn’t attacking the teen face to face.

Ugh. My daughter went to private school. One of her favourite palettes is an £8 one from a local chemist. Not all kids are label-obsessed snobs.