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Original poster

Bratty children and presents

279 replies

BrandySnaps1 · 09/01/2024 13:38

Gave my niece (through marriage) a Christmas present. Shes 14. Obsessed with make up, hair, and because of her dad, loves designer. Shes spoilt. 5* holidays, bags, you name it, shes got it or at least wants it.

Gave her some makeup items and she was SO disappointed. She opened it and the look on her face said it all. She expected Armani make up and i got her Boots items. Either way since when have pre-teens because so spoilt? Next time Im not even going to bother.

Anyone else experienced bratty children? How to handle them through gritted teeth. Shouldnt kids at least feign excitment?

OP posts:
Boating123 · 09/01/2024 13:41

I think it's her Dad's fault more than hers.
She has been taught Armarni etc is good stuff, high street stuff is rubbish.

I wouldn't bother next year. Just give money, or nothing.

mumsytoon · 09/01/2024 13:44

Yanbu, I would not bother next year. What a brat. Even my 7yo knows how to say thank you even if he is disappointed!

Hobbes8 · 09/01/2024 13:45

How did she express this disappointment…she just looked a bit disappointed? That doesn’t sound too bad. It’s not her fault she gets taken on 5* holidays.

MeinKraft · 09/01/2024 13:45

Everyone knows teens are into whatever is trending on tik tok now, it was a bit of a thoughtless present. It's like your MIL (for example) giving you a Bayliss and Harding set (and then grumbling for weeks when you aren't overjoyed about it)

Cloudnumber9 · 09/01/2024 13:49

It depends. If she didn’t say thank you for the gift or show appreciation of the gesture, then I wouldn’t bother buying for her next year.

At 14 y/o she ought to have some understanding of good manners and of gift etiquette yes even if she didn’t like the actual gift you chose.

CoffeeCantata · 09/01/2024 13:59

Oh Op - how depressing. I'm an old bag and was brought up in a different time and in a very different way (if I say that austerity seems like perfect normality to me, you'll get the picture!).

That would wind me up no end. But as pps say, it's her silly father's fault isn't it? I just hope he's got plans to keep her in the manner to which he has stupidly accustomed her. Or that she's a high flyer at school and will be able to get a very well-paid job to fund her Marie Antoinette lifestyle. Otherwise I see trouble ahead.

I don't think you should let it go, despite it being really his fault. Someone's got to try and teach this girl about the real world and surely she's old enough to have some clue herself??? I despair. Some of these spoilt kids live in a total bubble.

ColleenDonaghy · 09/01/2024 14:03

She should have been more polite about it, but I do think buying makeup for someone is a bit of a strange present. We all have our preferred brands and shades.

I'd just give money next year, that's what teens want IME anyway.

Danikm151 · 09/01/2024 14:04

I’ve been teaching my son that even if he doesn’t like a present he has to show some gratitude to the person giving as it’s the thought that counts.

as someone who go some dodgy presents off my nan and aunt over the years,(including a fleece blanket with cats, bath stuff I can’t use) I’m a master.

some teens haven’t been taught this skill, and whilst it’s good to express your feelings, it’s rude to offend someone who has made an effort for you. It’s also rude to expect really expensive items.

InTheRainOnATrain · 09/01/2024 14:07

Sorry to say but if you know she loves designer stuff then I don’t know why you got her Boots own stuff because it seems pretty obvious that she wouldn’t like. A single expensive item would have gone down better than loads of cheap stuff. That said, it’s pretty bad if she didn’t graciously say thank you. Maybe a voucher or money next time? I have 5 teen nieces and nephews and they are not easy to buy for as they can be so fussy!

therealcookiemonster · 09/01/2024 14:08

I don't think you are being fair. some people are used to more expensive items or brands, that doesn't necessarily mean they are spoilt. is your problem that she gets all these nice things or do you feel she is demanding and badgers her parents to get whatever she wants even if they can't really afford it? either way, that's their issue and not yours.

if I know someone only likes certain types of stuff, I would get them something smaller so it costs less but still something they appreciate. at 14, they can't filter their emotions in the same way as adults, as long as she wasn't directly rude, then that's fine. boots make up quality is terrible as well. and if buying presents is not really affordable for you, that's OK too

personally I think at 14 they shouldn't be wearing make up and obsession with looks and cosmetics at any age is unhealthy but that's a seperate topic.

Goldbar · 09/01/2024 14:10

Tbh I think it was a bit of a thoughtless and unexciting gift. I lead a very mundane and non-designer life and even I would be left fairly cold by Boots products as a present, unless they were something I particularly liked and used. Surely you must have had an inkling when you bought them that they might not hit the spot? Why not a voucher or something a bit safer for that age group?

I think you need to separate the two. Is she spoiled because she didn't like your gift? No. Should she have said thank you gracefully anyway? Yes of course. Though it's unclear from your post whether she did or not. I don't think it's very reasonable to expect her to control the initial "look on her face" and look thrilled when she wasn't.

Original poster
BrandySnaps1 · 09/01/2024 14:11

100% agree it is her fathers fault. He is a high flying banker and she already demonstrates so many spoilt traits. My DH and this side of the family are not like this at all so when the whole family gets together there are stark differences.

i know she likes eyeshadows so got her a palette, yes it didnt cost £50 or something ridiculous but i was shocked at the ungratefulness. Also considering as her mum (my SIL) is as cheap as they come, they dont exchange birthday gifts or anything with us. And everyyear conveniently she 'forgets my card at home'

OP posts:
candlelog · 09/01/2024 14:12

If you know she likes specific brands then I wouldn't have bothered getting her boots brand. Especially when it comes to skincare/ make up which is very personal. My pre teen is very into skincare (as are all her friends). It's not cheap either- drunk elephant and SOL de janeiro etc. she got a few bits for Xmas but knew this would impact on other gifts due to cost which she was fine with. She's not spoilt.

You dn should've said thanks though.

rookiemere · 09/01/2024 14:12

Most teens just want money.
It's sad they are so brand conscious about makeup as there are some wonderful cheap brands these days, but - like buying jewellery- it's hard to get right and cash always hits the spot.

Maray1967 · 09/01/2024 14:15

Danikm151 · 09/01/2024 14:04

I’ve been teaching my son that even if he doesn’t like a present he has to show some gratitude to the person giving as it’s the thought that counts.

as someone who go some dodgy presents off my nan and aunt over the years,(including a fleece blanket with cats, bath stuff I can’t use) I’m a master.

some teens haven’t been taught this skill, and whilst it’s good to express your feelings, it’s rude to offend someone who has made an effort for you. It’s also rude to expect really expensive items.

This. dB and I were brought up to express gratitude and hide disappointment and I expect it from mine too (and taught it). Shame that they don’t always see it themselves - they’ve seen DGPs request whether something can be exchanged.

Original poster
BrandySnaps1 · 09/01/2024 14:15

therealcookiemonster · 09/01/2024 14:08

I don't think you are being fair. some people are used to more expensive items or brands, that doesn't necessarily mean they are spoilt. is your problem that she gets all these nice things or do you feel she is demanding and badgers her parents to get whatever she wants even if they can't really afford it? either way, that's their issue and not yours.

if I know someone only likes certain types of stuff, I would get them something smaller so it costs less but still something they appreciate. at 14, they can't filter their emotions in the same way as adults, as long as she wasn't directly rude, then that's fine. boots make up quality is terrible as well. and if buying presents is not really affordable for you, that's OK too

personally I think at 14 they shouldn't be wearing make up and obsession with looks and cosmetics at any age is unhealthy but that's a seperate topic.

She is completely demanding. She once asked me to buy her a Chanel perfume to which i said no, maybe you could ask your dad? Anything she sees other people having, she wants. Or if they go to an expensive restaurant she also wants to go.

She goes to a private school, eats at the fanciest places, and already has very high expectations. Niece doesnt seem to care if it doesnt involve or benefit her. We were once signing a card for a family member and she stopped signing her message half way through. Just because she was bored.

OP posts:
Flyingalone · 09/01/2024 14:15

'I know she likes eyeshadows so got her a palette, yes it didnt cost £50 or something ridiculous'

Why are you trying to ridicule her? £50 is not ridiculous to spend on eyeshadows. Maybe for you, but she can have it if she likes it - and her parents are happy to buy it for her.

You sound really wound up about their lifestyle.

Original poster
BrandySnaps1 · 09/01/2024 14:17

candlelog · 09/01/2024 14:12

If you know she likes specific brands then I wouldn't have bothered getting her boots brand. Especially when it comes to skincare/ make up which is very personal. My pre teen is very into skincare (as are all her friends). It's not cheap either- drunk elephant and SOL de janeiro etc. she got a few bits for Xmas but knew this would impact on other gifts due to cost which she was fine with. She's not spoilt.

You dn should've said thanks though.

She said thanks but it was in a completely disingenuous way. She has a very specific way of talking. Those who know her can tell when she is being fake. This was definitely once of those times.

OP posts:
Thesearmsofmine · 09/01/2024 14:18

She of course should have said thank you and been well mannered but I don’t understand why you would buy something that you know she probably wouldn’t like plus make up is quite a personal item to buy someone unless it is a specific colour/brand that you know she uses or wants. I would have just given a voucher if I wanted to give her something so she could choose herself something.

Flyingalone · 09/01/2024 14:18

'We were once signing a card for a family member and she stopped signing her message half way through. Just because she was bored.'

So what? She's a teenager. Yes at times they're not the most polite, but I find it weird that you still remember all these little niggles about a child.

Let. It. Go.

Goldbar · 09/01/2024 14:19

Maray1967 · 09/01/2024 14:15

This. dB and I were brought up to express gratitude and hide disappointment and I expect it from mine too (and taught it). Shame that they don’t always see it themselves - they’ve seen DGPs request whether something can be exchanged.

Show quote history

I was too. Cue the "Oh wow, thank you!" to endless cheap fluffy scarves and tatty ornaments from relatives while dying a little inside. I don't really expect that from my children. I teach them to say "Thank you granny/auntie whoever, it was lovely of you to think of me" if they don't like the gift.

MadamVastra · 09/01/2024 14:19

Bloody hell op you're jealous !

Original poster
BrandySnaps1 · 09/01/2024 14:19

Another example is i once took her out for an afternoon tea and straight away her dad called her and asked if it was better than the one they went to the previous month. I dont know if he has short man syndrome (he has a really big ego) and attirbutes designer to being better in one way or another. Anyone have tips on dealing with egotistical men? I avoid him as much as I can but on the odd occasions i have to see her he always passes a comment on something im wearing, negatively, even once told me i should have paired a different bag with my outfit!

OP posts:
ManateeFair · 09/01/2024 14:20

Well, did she just look disappointed? Or did she fail to thank you and/or tell you it was a shit gift? There's a big difference between not looking thrilled (not everyone is good at faking a happy face) and between being outright rude and not saying thank you.

The thing is... I wouldn't be that pleased to receive Boots makeup as a gift, if I'm being totally honest. It's nice enough, but for me it's an every day necessity budget type brand, rather than a gift brand. It's all right, but it's not exciting or fun. You probably would have been better of spending the same amount that you spent on several Boots items on a single item from one of her preferred brands.

If someone was buying me a gift, I would rather they spent the money on a single small luxury item than a few cheaper items, because that feels like a treat rather than something everyday. When I buy nail polish for myself, I will happily buy Barry M or Rimmel. But if someone was spending £25 on a present for me, I would rather they bought me one £25 nail polish from Chanel rather than five £5 nail polishes from Barry M. Not because I don't think Barry M and Rimmel are nice - I do, I buy them myself! But they aren't a special treat.

I'm not saying your niece isn't spoilt; maybe she is. But ultimately we all like what we like, and not everyone is very good at all at masking their facial expressions.

blackpanth · 09/01/2024 14:21

Yanbu