Bratty children and presents

[BrandySnaps1]

Gave my niece (through marriage) a Christmas present. Shes 14. Obsessed with make up, hair, and because of her dad, loves designer. Shes spoilt. 5* holidays, bags, you name it, shes got it or at least wants it.

Gave her some makeup items and she was SO disappointed. She opened it and the look on her face said it all. She expected Armani make up and i got her Boots items. Either way since when have pre-teens because so spoilt? Next time Im not even going to bother.

Anyone else experienced bratty children? How to handle them through gritted teeth. Shouldnt kids at least feign excitment?

You’re kidding right? What BETTER way to show how real world reactions to ungrateful behaviour? It’s a very gentle lesson and one designed to actually register

@BrandySnaps1 if your sil etc don’t bother then you too can stop the gifts.

if sil says anything, remind her how she/her H never bother with your dc, and after the totally obvious lack of gratitude, you’re not going to keep on flogging a dead horse and buying gifts which are unreciprocated and ungratefully received.

your niece isn’t hard done by, she’s not going without, but nobody is entitled to your money or time if they can’t treat you with respect.

she’s old enough, her parents know she’s being rude and aren’t correcting it. So leave them to it.

why is it your job to buy your H family gifts anyway. Give him back the job (with a strict budget) if he’s that bothered.

drop the rope.

Somewhat tricky one. On the one hand - teenager wants nice things and doesn't know the value of money, stop the press. They buy into branding, I bet you wouldn't have wanted some Lily of the Valley perfume or something when you were young either.

On the other hand, there's no reason to be bratty. I'd buy her a copy of Pride and Prejudice for next year and tell her to be more Lizzie and less Lydia.

Banker syndrome? do tell me more

YABU.

You don’t like her dad, fair enough, but it’s unfair to despise your niece when her dad is the one teaching her that brand named material stuff matters.

My DS (14) isn’t into brand named clothing at all as we don’t encourage wasting money in that way, but I can see how some of his friends are a bit obsessed because that’s what their parents value. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Most children look up to their parents and accept what they’re told at face value at that age. Private schooling will also reinforce those values.

You admitted that she thanked you for the gift and that should be enough. You’re the grown up here so you need to act like one in this scenario and accept her thanks graciously even if you’re seething inside.

Also, as a mature adult, I wouldn’t be too pleased with Boots cosmetics as a gift as they make my skin itch. But then I find Aldi moisturises are perfectly fine. I usually buy gift cards for teens and let them make their own decisions.

Just don't buy her anything in future. Say you left it at home if she asks.

Every part of your statement is ridiculous. I have teens who aren’t materialistic as I’m sure have many others. They like what they like, but it’s not necessarily brands. They wouldn’t think the gift was thoughtless. If anything money is thoughtless as there is no thought in that at all.

On your second point, personally id be perfectly happy with Baylis and Harding as it smells really nice. Put it in a Molten Brown bottle and very few could tell the difference. It’s marketing, pure and simple, and if you fall for that, you’re the mug.

This! OP, you basically engineered this issue yourself. You disapprove of her lifestyle and choices, you bought her something that she would obviously not like, you know her well, she said thank you but you could tell she wasn't enthused, now you have your opportunity to rant and sack off any further gift giving. I actually think YABU.

Ha that coment was based on the 'wolf of wall street' type behaviour and there is also another thread talking about terms in jobs that outsiders would find unusual. Lots of people working in banking places that talk about anything under £500m not being worth worrying about.

Banker syndrome - something I made up.

£50 is most definitely ridiculous to spend on eyeshadow, especially for a child.
She bought her gift within her budget, that’s not ridiculing anyone.

Can’t believe that posters on here are defending this bratty, entitled child (and I do blame the parents!)
OP, I’m with you on this. I dread to think what kind of an adult she’ll shape up to be.

Tory MP?

For goodness sake, you have her a pretty thoughtless and rubbish gift that you must’ve known she won’t be overjoyed with, but expect a sincere ‘thank you’? I feel like the whole point of this thread is not the* *reaction to the gift, but to attack her for living a comfortable life. You don’t come across very well.

YANBU - I have one a bit closer to home. The adults around her are completely at fault because they feel they have to keep 'upping the ante' which leaves nowhere to go really. I think the real world will come as a shock to a lot of these kids. My view is that when they are old enough to earn their own money then they can blow it on whatever they want (within reason!) but whilst they are still financially dependent it's irresponsible to just throw 'stuff' at them to impress them. Also it causes a horrible competitive environment in schools as well. I hate it.

Brother in law and sister in laws kid. My DH is her maternal uncle and used to spoilt her to death as she was the first child to be born. I assume this also has a part to play in her entitlement of standards of gifts.

If this is the case in future all present buying for DN should be done by your DH.

I’m feeling sorry for your niece here, it seems as if you just don’t like her and are setting her up for a fall with Boots make-up, knowing she was into her brands. From a Mum of teenagers, best gifts are cash or vouchers, whether the amount is big or small.

It’s very hard for anyone to feign delight with a gift they don’t particularly like, a reason I dislike opening gifts in front of others. You bought your niece a gift, she said thanks, job done!

She is 14 so not pre teen. One on trend item would have been better than several items she won't use.

I agree she needs to learn how to say "thank you" when she receives a present.

But, OP, don't be daft. I wear Chanel lipstick and no other because i have found THE ONE. If someone thought "oh, bref likes a bit of lippy, I'll buy her a couple of No. 7 ones" I'd say "thank you" and then dispose of them. Don't set yourself and her up for failure. Either ask her for some recommendations for presents starting at a fiver, or don't give her anything, or bung her some cash next time.

Pray tell, what should she do? Fall at your feed sobbing at the £20 eyeshadow from a pharmacy and then rush online to tell the world what a wonderful, kind, generous, selfless person her Aunt is?

Probably relief. One less item to charity shop.

Buying something to do with someone’s interest/hobby is always risky, unless you know them extremely well and they’ve told you exactly what they want (for example, I love art but don’t really need a set of cheap watercolours and brushes from The Works because I have better quality ones and just won’t use the basic ones… it’s the same thing, I think). So I have sympathy with both of you - gift giving is a minefield and she does sound particularly difficult to buy for. I’d stick to money/chocolate/sweets next year.

Sounds a bit like Welljel Auntie Syndrome.
Seems more "worried" about the lovely holidays the other family have.
It's actually a good thing that the niece knows she shouldn't put cheap crap on her face!

From this response, and many others, it's easy to see why teenagers like the OP's niece are like they are, their parents can make excuses for any poor behaviour.

Most teens wouldn't be overly impressed with boots make up tbh, I always get urban decay, too faced or morphe for my dd.......buy through the year in the sales. It probably works out cheaper than the Boots stuff !

well, you said it. It's what you like. Did you even ask her what she'd like? do you know what kind of colours she likes?

Everything you've said about her and her parents make me want to ask if you have a rash where you've hoiked your judgy pants right up. The only really insightful or even introspective thing you've said is that you did the same "not really thank you" to adults and you didn't like being on the receiving end.