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AIBU?

Right to be suspicious or losing my mind?

150 replies

ellie09 · 08/01/2024 14:05

I hadn't really had any suspicions of cheating from my current partner until recently. Even then I am still really unsure.

He is 3 years younger than me (I'm 30) and stays in most of the time as he games etc. We live separately but close by (within a mile). Every weekend we will spend together and if I get an unexpected night to myself, he is always available at short notice. Always has stayed affectionate etc.

Anyhow, the last lot of weeks, there has been some really subtle changes as below:

  1. The ED pills. He originally got them and they worked well (he has issues and always has). He still had a couple left a couple of weeks ago and we haven't had sex since (he says he cut his foreskin and it was sore, and I have been ill). I went to his medicine drawer to get some pain killers a couple of days ago and noticed that the ED box was empty (they could be placed elsewhere but not sure)


  1. Snapchat. He has a HUGE amount of notifications that he never reads on his phone. Mostly gaming notifications. He will openly use his phone in front of me and flick through quickly etc. The past few times there has been a Snapchat notification from a girls name (I can't make out the name as its too quick scrolling) and I see bits of the message but not everything. What stood out to me were certain emojis used - ❤😘 etc but there wasnt enough time to read the message. Ive asked him why he doesn't just remove all his notifications as ot would do my head in, and he says its so he can ignore them but go back to them later. He doesnt have ghost mode on, so I am able to see when he is online Snapchat. As soon as I get home, he is online Snapchat.


  1. Backhanded comments. He recently told me I had "mum boobs" while I assume he was irritated. He seems to be making more and more comments about how he doesnt like fat girls (I'm not fat by the way, he is the one thats fat). He's went on to also say he went for looks in the past but "looks aren't everything".


Despite the above, everything else is pretty much the same. We spend a lot of time together, he barely goes near his phone and will openly leave it around me etc, although he had some elaborate unlock pattern on his phone (which he has ALWAYS had, this isnt new)

Does this sound suspicious to you?

I have been cheated on in the past (although it was a LOT more obvious) and I dont know whether I am just paranoid, or right to question and investigate things a little more?

I wouldn't even know where to start to even validate anything because obviously if I say anything, even if its true, I wont get a straight answer?

The next time I see the Snapchat for example, do I point and question him on who that is? I want to be subtle at the moment seeing as I dont exactly know whats going on.
OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

358 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
25%
You are NOT being unreasonable
75%
Aquamarine1029 · 08/01/2024 14:09

He 27 with ED and spends his life gaming. FFS, is this really what you want for your life? Raise the bar.

Allofaflutter · 08/01/2024 14:13

Why bother, he’s not worthy of bothering. Move on and try to raise your standards.

Prinnny · 08/01/2024 14:14

Aquamarine1029 · 08/01/2024 14:09

He 27 with ED and spends his life gaming. FFS, is this really what you want for your life? Raise the bar.

This 👏🏻

K37529 · 08/01/2024 14:17

What does he mean by mum boobs? And no I don't think anything you have said would make me suspicious of him cheating.

Whattodo112222 · 08/01/2024 14:17

Sorry OP but this and your relationship sound depressing.

GettingStuffed · 08/01/2024 14:18

ED?

Wowzel · 08/01/2024 14:19

He's very young to have erectile dysfunction.

Lastarse · 08/01/2024 14:20

I echo the above posters - sounds rather depressing that you’re even worried a 27yr old gamer who never goes out and has ED is cheating.

redalex261 · 08/01/2024 14:24

If he is a 27 year old fat gamer with erectile disfunction (at 27??) and the temerity to criticise your boobs get yourself out of it. Future you will thank you.

TheShellBeach · 08/01/2024 14:24

He sounds tedious.
A gamer with ED who spends hours on Snapchat and who also insults my body would cause my vagina to snap tight shut.

And that's before the possibility of cheating came up.

UsedtobeYoung24 · 08/01/2024 14:25

I’m assuming he means ‘mum boobs’ as an insult? That’s not very nice.

I suppose giving him the benefit of the doubt, he could have just moved the pills if he was tidying up or something but that is the most suspicious thing.

Maray1967 · 08/01/2024 14:27

What he has or hasn’t done with the pills is the least of your worries, I think.

He’s rude about your body - that is enough to end it.

Merryoldgoat · 08/01/2024 14:28

I remember your last thread.

Why are you wasting your time with this idiot?

PossumintheHouse · 08/01/2024 14:29

Jesus. Regardless of whether he’s cheating or not, saying you have “mum boobs” was meant to be some sort of weird insult, and he’s being a passive aggressive dickhead with his “doesn’t like fat girls” and “looks aren’t everything” bullshit. He’s blatantly trying to chip at your confidence. I wouldn’t put up with the constant gaming, either. Urgh.

OrigamiOwls · 08/01/2024 14:31

This one doesn't sound like a winner, whether or not he's cheating is irrelevant. Throw this one back into the sea.

Crikeyisthatthetime · 08/01/2024 14:31

He's read something online about negging, would be my bet.
Ed at his age could be caused by watching too much porn. (When he isn't gaming.)
He's a diamond OP you lucky thing.
Chuck this one back into the primeval swamp he crawled out of.

a222 · 08/01/2024 14:33

LOL throw this one back…

Aquamarine1029 · 08/01/2024 14:33

I've just read your previous posts about this loser, and I can't even begin to express how fucking depressing it is that you are still with this idiot.

You are wasting your life on him, and you're taking your child along for the ride. It's honestly pitiful.

RosanneP · 08/01/2024 14:37

This is the type of bloke you encounter in adult youth and very quickly move away from, learn from the mistake, resign to history. YABU for wasting your life trying to figure out the intricacies of such a half wit.

HareSalient · 08/01/2024 14:38

You’re concerned to keep this negging, gaming 27 year old who can’t keep an erection and negs your breasts?

Alargeoneplease89 · 08/01/2024 14:44

Aquamarine1029 · 08/01/2024 14:09

He 27 with ED and spends his life gaming. FFS, is this really what you want for your life? Raise the bar.

That's really horrible, how would you feel if it was a female who colours for therapy/stress , has sexual issues?

It's not the stone age lots of adults game & have Snapchat.

If you don't trust him then the relationship can't thrive. You said he leaves his phone about, which normally indicates there isn't anything to hide. How do you know the girl on Snapchat isn't a relative/ friend?

Thisistyresome · 08/01/2024 14:45

Well, I can see why you are worried about him cheating. He sounds like such a catch!

I'm sure there is a queue around the block for this one.

ToniTTtopaz · 08/01/2024 14:45

He can't be cheating, there cannot be two women who would possibly fall for this 'fat 27 year old with ED who doesn't go out, games all the time and makes rude comments'

I am pretty sure you can do better OP.

Whattodo112222 · 08/01/2024 14:50

ToniTTtopaz · 08/01/2024 14:45

He can't be cheating, there cannot be two women who would possibly fall for this 'fat 27 year old with ED who doesn't go out, games all the time and makes rude comments'

I am pretty sure you can do better OP.

Basically this.

Beastiesandthebeauty · 08/01/2024 14:57

E.d pills a wank? Surely he's allowed ?
Snapchat just a run off in general for me but he's probably fanboying some e girl type as opposed to affair. Kinda like only fans ?

The boobs doesn't really sound malicious just that you probably have an emotional immature boyfriend?

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