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AIBU?

Right to be suspicious or losing my mind?

150 replies

ellie09 · 08/01/2024 14:05

I hadn't really had any suspicions of cheating from my current partner until recently. Even then I am still really unsure.

He is 3 years younger than me (I'm 30) and stays in most of the time as he games etc. We live separately but close by (within a mile). Every weekend we will spend together and if I get an unexpected night to myself, he is always available at short notice. Always has stayed affectionate etc.

Anyhow, the last lot of weeks, there has been some really subtle changes as below:

  1. The ED pills. He originally got them and they worked well (he has issues and always has). He still had a couple left a couple of weeks ago and we haven't had sex since (he says he cut his foreskin and it was sore, and I have been ill). I went to his medicine drawer to get some pain killers a couple of days ago and noticed that the ED box was empty (they could be placed elsewhere but not sure)


  1. Snapchat. He has a HUGE amount of notifications that he never reads on his phone. Mostly gaming notifications. He will openly use his phone in front of me and flick through quickly etc. The past few times there has been a Snapchat notification from a girls name (I can't make out the name as its too quick scrolling) and I see bits of the message but not everything. What stood out to me were certain emojis used - ❤😘 etc but there wasnt enough time to read the message. Ive asked him why he doesn't just remove all his notifications as ot would do my head in, and he says its so he can ignore them but go back to them later. He doesnt have ghost mode on, so I am able to see when he is online Snapchat. As soon as I get home, he is online Snapchat.


  1. Backhanded comments. He recently told me I had "mum boobs" while I assume he was irritated. He seems to be making more and more comments about how he doesnt like fat girls (I'm not fat by the way, he is the one thats fat). He's went on to also say he went for looks in the past but "looks aren't everything".


Despite the above, everything else is pretty much the same. We spend a lot of time together, he barely goes near his phone and will openly leave it around me etc, although he had some elaborate unlock pattern on his phone (which he has ALWAYS had, this isnt new)

Does this sound suspicious to you?

I have been cheated on in the past (although it was a LOT more obvious) and I dont know whether I am just paranoid, or right to question and investigate things a little more?

I wouldn't even know where to start to even validate anything because obviously if I say anything, even if its true, I wont get a straight answer?

The next time I see the Snapchat for example, do I point and question him on who that is? I want to be subtle at the moment seeing as I dont exactly know whats going on.
OP posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

358 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
25%
You are NOT being unreasonable
75%
Chypre · 08/01/2024 16:46

I don't think he is cheating, he is probably "simping". The person on the other end of snapchat most likely is a band of teenagers from Indonesia who are using cute girls photos to drain in-game currency and credits from westerners. Very common.
...but do you really need a gullible overweight gamer dude with ED, who started treating you like shit because of an imaginary cyber hottie? Nah.

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Tonight1 · 08/01/2024 16:47

It doesn't matter, all you need to be considering is finishing with him

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ttcat37 · 08/01/2024 16:48

He’s probably used all the tablets wanking over some only fans girl he’s paying to Snapchat him.

He sounds like a complete loser. Come on. Have some self respect. It’s an LTB from me.

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MILTOBE · 08/01/2024 16:56

OP, when you were typing that out, was there a moment when you thought, "What the fuck am I doing?"

That's what I was thinking when I read it.

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Beezknees · 08/01/2024 16:58

A bloke who uses snapchat at that age is an instant turn off, never mind any of the other stuff. I'm 34 and haven't used it for about 10 years!

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babyproblems · 08/01/2024 16:59

Aquamarine1029 · 08/01/2024 14:09

He 27 with ED and spends his life gaming. FFS, is this really what you want for your life? Raise the bar.

This.
he sounds about 19 emotionally

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Notimeforaname · 08/01/2024 17:04

He 27 with ED and spends his life gaming. FFS, is this really what you want for your life? Raise the bar.

The first post says it all.
Aim up, op.

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Falkenburg · 08/01/2024 17:10

I know this is comic books and not gaming but this is how I picture the op's chap -


https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/ComicBookk_Guy

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restingrichface · 08/01/2024 17:11

Raise the bar.

He spends most of his life gaming and I would be suspicious that the woman on Snapchat is kind of like an OnlyFans creator who posts content on Snapchat either for a premium per shot/subscription.

You're worth more than this.

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moomoomoo27 · 08/01/2024 17:12

Do your friends/family like him? Do they think you're a good match?

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MILTOBE · 08/01/2024 17:14

Falkenburg · 08/01/2024 17:10

I know this is comic books and not gaming but this is how I picture the op's chap -


https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/ComicBookk_Guy

But with bigger boobs.

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LaurieStrode · 08/01/2024 17:14

Aquamarine1029 · 08/01/2024 14:09

He 27 with ED and spends his life gaming. FFS, is this really what you want for your life? Raise the bar.

Exactly. Why would you want anything to do with this person? Sounds sub-par on every level.

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Ginandjuice57884 · 08/01/2024 17:16

He sounds awful anyway regardless of cheating or not. Stop doing yourself dirty.

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occa · 08/01/2024 17:18

Ugh who cares if he's cheating? He sounds dire.

You know you deserve better than this depressing-sounding relationship, right?

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ManateeFair · 08/01/2024 17:22

TheShellBeach · 08/01/2024 16:22

OP you seem to have had a lot of abusive and unpleasant boyfriends and one violent husband, who you rightly left.

Have you heard of the Freedom Programme? You can do it online and it will help you to make choices about partners which are healthier and happier for you.

Your previous threads indicate a woman with great intelligence who has a good job and works hard.

It is a shame that you can't find a supportive man who respects you and doesn't trample over your boundaries.

I hope things improve for you and your little boy.

https://freedomprogramme.co.uk/sample-online/home.php

Edited

Exactly this.

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millymog11 · 08/01/2024 17:23

Not read the whole thread but my guess is that if he is just 27 years old and he is on erectile dysfunction pills he either has a very serious medical/physical condition or (far more likely) he is deeply addicted to porn so he cannot get it up in real life sexual experiences.

Whatever the reason you should not waste one more day with this loser should you OP?

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MzHz · 08/01/2024 17:27

Aquamarine1029 · 08/01/2024 14:09

He 27 with ED and spends his life gaming. FFS, is this really what you want for your life? Raise the bar.

Have to say, post 1 nails it.

what are you doing with this waste of space?!

if you want ANY chance of kids, it’s NOT with this guy.

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Ting20161987 · 08/01/2024 17:33

I feel sick reading your description of him. All I can picture is a fat slobby, smelly man with a limp one......and he thinks he can criticize your body. How do you not have the ick

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Mirabai · 08/01/2024 17:34

An overweight gamer who insults your body and can’t get it up? This is an awfully low bar even for MN.

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MermaidEyes · 08/01/2024 17:37

Ting20161987 · 08/01/2024 17:33

I feel sick reading your description of him. All I can picture is a fat slobby, smelly man with a limp one......and he thinks he can criticize your body. How do you not have the ick

I'm picturing someone like Ed from Shaun of the Dead 😆

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Ting20161987 · 08/01/2024 17:40

MermaidEyes · 08/01/2024 17:37

I'm picturing someone like Ed from Shaun of the Dead 😆

I am picturing much worse.😖 OP know your worth

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Cwtshcwtsh · 08/01/2024 17:43

If he’s insulting your body, get rid. That’s enough alone. You’re worth so much more. I wish I’d had MN years ago to tell me to get rid when I should have done. Listen to the advice here. Even without all the other stuff, you deserve better than a man who criticises you. And that’s before you’re even living together or married.

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Iwasafool · 08/01/2024 17:43

Alargeoneplease89 · 08/01/2024 14:44

That's really horrible, how would you feel if it was a female who colours for therapy/stress , has sexual issues?

It's not the stone age lots of adults game & have Snapchat.

If you don't trust him then the relationship can't thrive. You said he leaves his phone about, which normally indicates there isn't anything to hide. How do you know the girl on Snapchat isn't a relative/ friend?

I agree about the ED. It is a medical condition and it is vile to target someone for that. How many women go through not wanting sex and we are always told men have to be understanding but if a man has a problem he is ridiculed for it.

His comments don't sound nice and if OP doesn't like them then reasonable to finish it.

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MissIndecisive2023 · 08/01/2024 17:55

Just seen your previous posts - it's very clear that this relationship is causing you a lot of anxiety and he doesn't sound good for you at all. I see your previous relationship was abusive, so maybe this one feels/seems better than the abusive one. But that's a low bar to have. You are settling for someone who is making horrible comments to you, texting other women and by the sounds of it is making your life pretty miserable. Is that what you want for your life?

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Catsfrontbum · 08/01/2024 18:00

He said you had “mum boobs” in a derogatory fashion?

Straight in the bin he goes. Bu bu bu byeeeeeee!!!

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