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AIBU?

Right to be suspicious or losing my mind?

150 replies

ellie09 · 08/01/2024 14:05

I hadn't really had any suspicions of cheating from my current partner until recently. Even then I am still really unsure.

He is 3 years younger than me (I'm 30) and stays in most of the time as he games etc. We live separately but close by (within a mile). Every weekend we will spend together and if I get an unexpected night to myself, he is always available at short notice. Always has stayed affectionate etc.

Anyhow, the last lot of weeks, there has been some really subtle changes as below:

  1. The ED pills. He originally got them and they worked well (he has issues and always has). He still had a couple left a couple of weeks ago and we haven't had sex since (he says he cut his foreskin and it was sore, and I have been ill). I went to his medicine drawer to get some pain killers a couple of days ago and noticed that the ED box was empty (they could be placed elsewhere but not sure)


  1. Snapchat. He has a HUGE amount of notifications that he never reads on his phone. Mostly gaming notifications. He will openly use his phone in front of me and flick through quickly etc. The past few times there has been a Snapchat notification from a girls name (I can't make out the name as its too quick scrolling) and I see bits of the message but not everything. What stood out to me were certain emojis used - ❤😘 etc but there wasnt enough time to read the message. Ive asked him why he doesn't just remove all his notifications as ot would do my head in, and he says its so he can ignore them but go back to them later. He doesnt have ghost mode on, so I am able to see when he is online Snapchat. As soon as I get home, he is online Snapchat.


  1. Backhanded comments. He recently told me I had "mum boobs" while I assume he was irritated. He seems to be making more and more comments about how he doesnt like fat girls (I'm not fat by the way, he is the one thats fat). He's went on to also say he went for looks in the past but "looks aren't everything".


Despite the above, everything else is pretty much the same. We spend a lot of time together, he barely goes near his phone and will openly leave it around me etc, although he had some elaborate unlock pattern on his phone (which he has ALWAYS had, this isnt new)

Does this sound suspicious to you?

I have been cheated on in the past (although it was a LOT more obvious) and I dont know whether I am just paranoid, or right to question and investigate things a little more?

I wouldn't even know where to start to even validate anything because obviously if I say anything, even if its true, I wont get a straight answer?

The next time I see the Snapchat for example, do I point and question him on who that is? I want to be subtle at the moment seeing as I dont exactly know whats going on.
OP posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

358 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
25%
You are NOT being unreasonable
75%
PurpleFlower1983 · 08/01/2024 18:05

Aquamarine1029 · 08/01/2024 14:09

He 27 with ED and spends his life gaming. FFS, is this really what you want for your life? Raise the bar.

This!

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Notamum12345577 · 08/01/2024 18:06

crostini · 08/01/2024 16:44

He's got ED, games all the time, is overweight, insults your body and is most likely cheating on you.
RAISE THE BAR

If he is cheating she should leave the guy.
However, would you tell a guy to leave a woman if she was overweight and had sexual issues, and liked gaming or something similar?

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dontgobaconmyheart · 08/01/2024 18:08

I am not sure there is much to add OP but I do hope you take heed. If he has found someone who will have him on the side then more fool them, he sounds like a punishment and not a prize.

I would not be in a relationship with a man who used misogynistic language about my body, and was trying to destroy my self esteem. I would have a think about why you are, and the ways in which this has affected yours. Cut him loose and get a normal life back.

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Aquamarine1029 · 08/01/2024 18:09

Notamum12345577 · 08/01/2024 18:06

If he is cheating she should leave the guy.
However, would you tell a guy to leave a woman if she was overweight and had sexual issues, and liked gaming or something similar?

If he is not sexually compatible with her, he's not attracted to her body shape, and he finds gaming an unappealing way to spend time, I would absolutely tell him to end the relationship. Obviously.

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Charlize43 · 08/01/2024 18:10

Does he mean 'man boobs'? Moobs?

I've never heard of 'mum boobs'

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GreyRockChick · 08/01/2024 18:11

Yeah, either way, I'd throw this one back in OP. Sounds like an utter loser

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Doggymummar · 08/01/2024 18:13

Charlize43 · 08/01/2024 18:10

Does he mean 'man boobs'? Moobs?

I've never heard of 'mum boobs'

Basically saggy biobs from breast feeding I assume. Or losing a lot of weight quickly. Or in my case 53 yr old spaniels ears!

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Poppybob · 08/01/2024 18:22

Sorry but he doesn't sound like a catch.... A 27 year old gamer is just a big kid!!! Move on...

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SirVixofVixHall · 08/01/2024 18:29

Whattodo112222 · 08/01/2024 14:50

Basically this.

Another agreement here.
Blimey OP, being single can be great, you really don’t need a man like this !

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Tooshytoshine · 08/01/2024 18:34

Run, run, run, run, run, run, run away!
Ah haha
Quest qué ce.

He's just one for the bin. There will honestly not be any woman fighting you for him.

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Peaceandquietandacuppa · 08/01/2024 18:35

Aquamarine1029 · 08/01/2024 14:09

He 27 with ED and spends his life gaming. FFS, is this really what you want for your life? Raise the bar.

Yup. Sorry to be harsh but this is what I thought…

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BlueGrey1 · 08/01/2024 18:39

From the way you describe him and some of his comments I would have no interest in him,
What about him are you attracted to?

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Hooplahooping · 08/01/2024 18:44

I don’t think cheater.

I think rude overweight gamer has a porn addiction so needs meds to get it up for nice normal human.

I think you need to seriously evaluate what he’s offering you here.

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Couldyounot · 08/01/2024 18:47

You can do better than this one, OP

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AuContraire · 08/01/2024 18:48

Come on, OP. Find some self respect.

Chuck this one back and move on.

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QAnoun · 08/01/2024 18:51

Jeez any woman that’s cheating with this loser would be doing you a massive favour OP. What exactly is appealing about a fat video game obsessive who can’t get it up and negs you?

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HowToSaveAWife · 08/01/2024 18:59

🤣🤣🤣 stop it. A 27year old fat gamer with ED and a chronic Snapchat addiction. Be still my quivering ovaries.

Fucking hell OP put this one back. Don't even bother questioning this loser, just say goodbye good luck, get fucked you tosspot.

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MojoDaysxx · 08/01/2024 18:59

He sounds like a real catch! Not.
Do better for yourself.

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MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 08/01/2024 19:02

I don't think you need to worry about anyone wanting to steal him off you by the sounds of things. 😂

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orangegato · 08/01/2024 19:07

Ting20161987 · 08/01/2024 17:33

I feel sick reading your description of him. All I can picture is a fat slobby, smelly man with a limp one......and he thinks he can criticize your body. How do you not have the ick

This was the laugh I needed today.

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SplendidUtterly · 08/01/2024 19:08

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 08/01/2024 19:02

I don't think you need to worry about anyone wanting to steal him off you by the sounds of things. 😂

A fat, flaccid gamer who never goes out.....be still my beating heart 😍

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Mirabai · 08/01/2024 19:12

SplendidUtterly · 08/01/2024 19:08

A fat, flaccid gamer who never goes out.....be still my beating heart 😍

👌🏼

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Christmaslights21 · 08/01/2024 19:16

He sounds like an absolute loser. I wouldn’t waste another second on him.

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Tikei · 08/01/2024 19:19

Blimey OP. There are bright, smart, kind, loving, funny, supportive, fabulous men out there. This man is not one of them.

You are so young. You have so much to offer and be offered. Don't throw your precious years away on someone who really, really does not deserve you, or any other woman until he sorts his OWN issues out.

He sounds absolutely awful, to be honest.

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oakleaffy · 08/01/2024 19:20

TheShellBeach · 08/01/2024 14:24

He sounds tedious.
A gamer with ED who spends hours on Snapchat and who also insults my body would cause my vagina to snap tight shut.

And that's before the possibility of cheating came up.

Edited

😂 Agreed. Snap Shut like a proverbial clam.

@ellie09 He sounds dreadful.

Do yourself a massive favour and get a decent bloke.

He has a grandad willy, yet insults your boobs?

Get outta here!

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