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AIBU?

Right to be suspicious or losing my mind?

150 replies

ellie09 · 08/01/2024 14:05

I hadn't really had any suspicions of cheating from my current partner until recently. Even then I am still really unsure.

He is 3 years younger than me (I'm 30) and stays in most of the time as he games etc. We live separately but close by (within a mile). Every weekend we will spend together and if I get an unexpected night to myself, he is always available at short notice. Always has stayed affectionate etc.

Anyhow, the last lot of weeks, there has been some really subtle changes as below:

  1. The ED pills. He originally got them and they worked well (he has issues and always has). He still had a couple left a couple of weeks ago and we haven't had sex since (he says he cut his foreskin and it was sore, and I have been ill). I went to his medicine drawer to get some pain killers a couple of days ago and noticed that the ED box was empty (they could be placed elsewhere but not sure)


  1. Snapchat. He has a HUGE amount of notifications that he never reads on his phone. Mostly gaming notifications. He will openly use his phone in front of me and flick through quickly etc. The past few times there has been a Snapchat notification from a girls name (I can't make out the name as its too quick scrolling) and I see bits of the message but not everything. What stood out to me were certain emojis used - ❤😘 etc but there wasnt enough time to read the message. Ive asked him why he doesn't just remove all his notifications as ot would do my head in, and he says its so he can ignore them but go back to them later. He doesnt have ghost mode on, so I am able to see when he is online Snapchat. As soon as I get home, he is online Snapchat.


  1. Backhanded comments. He recently told me I had "mum boobs" while I assume he was irritated. He seems to be making more and more comments about how he doesnt like fat girls (I'm not fat by the way, he is the one thats fat). He's went on to also say he went for looks in the past but "looks aren't everything".


Despite the above, everything else is pretty much the same. We spend a lot of time together, he barely goes near his phone and will openly leave it around me etc, although he had some elaborate unlock pattern on his phone (which he has ALWAYS had, this isnt new)

Does this sound suspicious to you?

I have been cheated on in the past (although it was a LOT more obvious) and I dont know whether I am just paranoid, or right to question and investigate things a little more?

I wouldn't even know where to start to even validate anything because obviously if I say anything, even if its true, I wont get a straight answer?

The next time I see the Snapchat for example, do I point and question him on who that is? I want to be subtle at the moment seeing as I dont exactly know whats going on.
OP posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

358 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
25%
You are NOT being unreasonable
75%
LenaLamont · 08/01/2024 15:00

Raise your bar, OP. Rock bottom is not the only option.

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TheShellBeach · 08/01/2024 15:01

Is this the same bloke who gets paid for sending pervy pictures of himself to women online?

Or have you moved on from that one?

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Beastiesandthebeauty · 08/01/2024 15:02

TheShellBeach · 08/01/2024 15:01

Is this the same bloke who gets paid for sending pervy pictures of himself to women online?

Or have you moved on from that one?

Edited

Oh waoh what ?

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Snowdogsmitten · 08/01/2024 15:02

He recently told me I had "mum boobs" while I assume he was irritated. He seems to be making more and more comments about how he doesnt like fat girls (I'm not fat by the way, he is the one thats fat). He's went on to also say he went for looks in the past but "looks aren't everything".

Fucking hell, I remember your “mum boobs” thread. Tell the fat cunt to fuck off, seriously. Snapchat girl is welcome to him. Ugh.

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MaggieNextDoor · 08/01/2024 15:04

He sounds an absolute delight. I would throw him back in the sea and leave him to it.

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KrisAkabusi · 08/01/2024 15:05

The fact that you're starting multiple threads about this guy is a massive sign that there's no point in continuing. He's not right for you. You're looking here for someone to give you permission to leave him. Have your own agency and do what you want.

(Although what you've posted in this thread wouldn't make me think 'Cheater').

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MermaidEyes · 08/01/2024 15:06

ToniTTtopaz · 08/01/2024 14:45

He can't be cheating, there cannot be two women who would possibly fall for this 'fat 27 year old with ED who doesn't go out, games all the time and makes rude comments'

I am pretty sure you can do better OP.

This, and the fact you already appear to have several other threads along the same line. Dump him OP, being single, independent and happy is actually way better.

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Ace56 · 08/01/2024 15:08

What does he add to your life? He sounds like a complete loser. Who cares if he’s cheating, just let him go…

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Snowdogsmitten · 08/01/2024 15:09

Adding to the earlier post: a fat 27yo old, who lost his job, doesn’t go out, games all the time, mocks your body, has inappropriate contact with young women online and has erectile dysfunction… what a catch.

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Loubelle70 · 08/01/2024 15:10

TheShellBeach · 08/01/2024 14:24

He sounds tedious.
A gamer with ED who spends hours on Snapchat and who also insults my body would cause my vagina to snap tight shut.

And that's before the possibility of cheating came up.

Edited

Yep.

Hes trying to devalue you as well as all this above.
E.D....does he watch a lot porn? Webcam?. He can make relationships within gaming via xbox gold etc.
Is he leaving phone about so you notice these messages so you feel insecure?. Hes no catch OP. Id get rid soon as he criticized my body .nm the rest

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ManateeFair · 08/01/2024 15:18

You have posted about your relationship many, many times before and you seem to have constant anxieties about pretty much every aspect of your boyfriend's behaviour. This relationship really isn't healthy for you at all.

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StoppitRightNow · 08/01/2024 15:28

I have no idea if he's cheating but I do know he sounds like a dickhead.

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Tonightsthenight91 · 08/01/2024 15:45

Fat, flaccid and forever gaming

prince.

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Angelsrose · 08/01/2024 15:47

Let this one go. There's better out there or the single life is more attractive. Good luck op, New Year, New Start.

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Merryoldgoat · 08/01/2024 15:57

TheShellBeach · 08/01/2024 15:01

Is this the same bloke who gets paid for sending pervy pictures of himself to women online?

Or have you moved on from that one?

Edited

Oh FFS

This place is so tiresome.

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shakey1 · 08/01/2024 16:02

Everyone's saying " this wouldn't make me think cheater" my ex was a gamer I left because of this and found he was actually talking and near enough in a relationship with someone he met on a "game" while with me. Also the fact she has seen girls notifications texting him on Snapchat and messages with kissy faces wouldn't make me just walk away and not think anything i would be questioning too! Once I seen my ex get into gaming I left immediately

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MermaidEyes · 08/01/2024 16:02

Honestly, I'm amazed at the amount of grown women who put up with the kind of man only a naive teenager would go for.

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TheShellBeach · 08/01/2024 16:22

OP you seem to have had a lot of abusive and unpleasant boyfriends and one violent husband, who you rightly left.

Have you heard of the Freedom Programme? You can do it online and it will help you to make choices about partners which are healthier and happier for you.

Your previous threads indicate a woman with great intelligence who has a good job and works hard.

It is a shame that you can't find a supportive man who respects you and doesn't trample over your boundaries.

I hope things improve for you and your little boy.

https://freedomprogramme.co.uk/sample-online/home.php

The Freedom Programme Online Course

The Freedom Programme Online Course by Pat Craven

https://freedomprogramme.co.uk/sample-online/home.php

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Gnomegnomegnome · 08/01/2024 16:26

he doesnt like fat girls (I'm not fat by the way, he is the one thats fat). 

I had to go back and check your ages!
This alone isn’t normal.

He is a man child.

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Falkenburg · 08/01/2024 16:26

I have to agree with the first comment about an adult male gaming.

What a massive turn off.

How did he cut his dick? Grating cheese in the nude?

No, up to good with another dimwit female gamer.

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SchoolQuestionnaire · 08/01/2024 16:28

Aquamarine1029 · 08/01/2024 14:09

He 27 with ED and spends his life gaming. FFS, is this really what you want for your life? Raise the bar.

Agreed.

Op you are only 30. Is this how you want to spend the rest of your life?

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5128gap · 08/01/2024 16:36

This is the guy who insulted your body when you were getting dressed to leave his place the morning after, after he told you he didn't want to spend the day with you if I recall? Now we learn he has ED age 27 and you suspect him of cheating. There's something about this guy that sounds off putting OP. I just can't quite put my finger on what it might be...

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LubaLuca · 08/01/2024 16:37

Don't waste another moment on this loser. You can't be looking forward to a future with him, so dump the twat.

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35965a · 08/01/2024 16:40

You’ve already been told in at least 1 previous thread that this guy is a prick. You’re wasting your life on him. You deserve better.

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crostini · 08/01/2024 16:44

He's got ED, games all the time, is overweight, insults your body and is most likely cheating on you.
RAISE THE BAR

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