Taking my boys into female toilets

[Fredablogs]

They are 7, 4 and 2. I have noticed a few looks when I take them into the female loo. Am I supposed to leave the oldest outside? Or send him to the gents on his own, although he wouldn't as he is pretty much scared of everything.. ?? What is the etiquette please

I can’t see that it matters if a boy is with there his mum. The cubicles are lockable and private. There’s no threat to other women from a child with his mum. It doesn’t feel the same as a grown adult man alone. Not to me an anyway.

Honestly I don't care who's in the toilets. They're all cubicles, so everyone has their privacy, and anything done in the areas outside of the toilet itself doesn't require privacy.

So if a man is out on his own with his 3 year old daughter, what do you expect him to do? I imagine you'd kick up a fuss about him using the women's.

Re attacks on boys in toilets I can think of at least 2 without googling. A lad was raped in a toilet in Manchester a few years ago. And in the US a boy was attacked and murdered, again quite a long time ago. There are probably many other incidents that are lower level and go unreported. So while it's not an everyday occurrence it is certainly not impossible and I 100% agree that a prepubescent boy in a women's toilet with his mum is a far less dangerous scenario than a little boy alone in a men's toilet with strangers. Boys know when the time is right, my 12 year old and very much in puberty boy would shrivel up in horror at the idea of using a women's loo or changing room but his younger brother still comes with me if it's just the two of us.

Why can't a man take his daughter into the cubicle in the men's? If your DH/DP won't do this then ask them why. They would be using a cubicle and according to many posters this isn't a problem as it's all enclosed.

Perhaps if we start educating boys from a younger age that just going into women's loos isn't acceptable things might change.

Lastly the reference to Jamie Bulger - those boys were 10 years old when they took him and frequently we are hearing younger and younger people committing hideous crimes.

Take her into the men’s? I understand they have cubicles and I think it’s unlikely she’d come to any harm with her father around.

One poster said she’d be happy with a man taking a boy into the ladies. That definitely shouldn’t happen IMO.

Sorry, misread your post!

Oh god how embarrassing for him. I hope you reconsider- it's so unnecessary.

The same as an adult woman with her son. He should go into the appropriate gendered toilet for the adult. Adult women go into women a, adult men into the mens. Child is with their parent so safe and supervised.

I was at the theatre (panto) last week. I always get to the toilet first at the interval and noticed as I came out that there was a woman standing with a boy who was at least 11, waiting for free cubicles. The men's was right opposite and there was a queue - but shorter than that for the women's.

I thought to myself "What on earth does she think could happen to that boy (he was only slightly shorter than me and I'm 5' 4") in that busy men's toilet at the panto?"

I'm fine with mums/grans taking boys under 8 into the women's but I think there needs to be a line drawn somewhere.

I think it’s fine and maybe you are being paranoid

You want me to leave my young child outside on his own because he's a boy and your worried that he will infringe on your female rights. Have I got that right?

You are wrong on so many levels. Young people turn to crime because they have no parents looking after them. They are left alone to make their own decisions.

James bugler was only a baby, he was 2.

A 7-11yo is more than capable of using the bathroom with their parent stood outside waiting for them.

I feel like 8 is a good time to start using correctly sexed toilet. Obviously it’s a bit situational. Nice cafe with a couple of loos where you can watch how goes in Id be more relaxed than big toilets in a stadium.

I think you are fine with the ages of your children.

I find this very difficult to navigate with our circumstances- two learning disabled DS aged 10 and 8. We have blue badge, disabled toilet key etc and our 8 year old is non verbal and in nappies so in a way it's easier with him as we always use disabled loo.

However our 10 year old does use the toilet but is limited verbally and needs constant supervision. Because he uses the boys' toilets at school when we are out he often pulls towards the gents. My DH takes him in there but if it's me I have to take him into disabled.

We are entitled to do this of course but it's such a shame the toilets can't be cleaner/safer.

I have sent him in alone a few times on days out in very quiet places when there is no one else in the toilets and I can stand directly outside!

If Women’s toilets are to be for women, girls, people who identify as women or girls and boys up to an appropriate age for that particular boy but which may be mid to late teens depending on venue, then 'women' need a hell of a lot more toilets.

Children should be able to use the appropriate toilet/changing room by the time they at 8.

Aged 7 is borderline and the time to teach him and get him used to using gents toilets that are very obviously safe - ones you can stand outside and listen (embarrassing but we have all done it!), or are busy with lots of dads going in and out with their own children.

Of course it is scary for mothers having to let them out our sight, but child assaults in toilets are thankfully very rare (compared to many other risks we take with children every year), which is why they are so shocking and they stick in our minds when we do hear about them.

I do agree with you and thought about all the small 8 year old boys who look about 6 or 7 because they haven't had a growth spout yet.

I still wouldn't risk it unless the child understood and could articulate if someone had hurt them and what they did. My son wanted to go to the men's when he was 8 and a half.

Ignore the looks. My son will be coming with me to the ladies until he’s in secondary school. No amount of outrage could persuade me otherwise.

The people whose point of view is always ignored and overlooked on these threads are the 9-10-11 year old girls, who might well be using the toilets on their own, and do not want to see a boy who might be bigger and older than them in there.

I take DS 8 and 6.
no way will I let them go I to the mens on their own in places like airports or shopping centres when I am on my own.
there is no changing going on, closed cubicles, they haven’t started puberty yet so I don’t see the reason not to.

So you believe men are so vile that small children should never use the mens toilets, but you are ok with an (vile?) man coming into the ladies, even though most women would not appreciate that at all.

How about a mother going into the gents so that their son can use the mens?

But the boy is with their mother? They do not have to get changed in front of them?

A lot of secondaries have unisex loos...

At that age the girls may have started periods.

I still remember the horror that someone might hear me changing my sanitary pad (the ripping sound as it comes out of the wrapper) and KNOW. I would absolutely not have wanted boys my age or older around.

Of course as an adult woman I don’t care, but as a preteen / teen? Yes, absolutely.

I expect him to do what my DH does with our 3yo. Use the men’s and go into a cubicle. If there are family toilets, he uses those. It would never occur to him to use the women’s toilets. 🤨