Taking my boys into female toilets

[Fredablogs]

They are 7, 4 and 2. I have noticed a few looks when I take them into the female loo. Am I supposed to leave the oldest outside? Or send him to the gents on his own, although he wouldn't as he is pretty much scared of everything.. ?? What is the etiquette please

My son is 8 and he wanted to use the male toilets/ changing rooms. I have allowed this. However I think the novelty has worn off as he usually complains about the state of them and that they stink 🤣🤣
I do hang around the doors waiting for him, I will shout into the bathrooms to make sure he's ok.
This step has been super hard for me as a survivor of child hood sexual abuse and not one I was overly enthralled by. However I'm also aware that they need to be a little more independent.
It's not all that often that he has to use a public bathroom without dad being there so that does help. I appreciate not everyone is in that position and I'm not sure how I'd feel about him going to the bathroom by himself all the time.

My 7 year old Dgs usually likes going into the men’s on his own. He’s always out again PDQ - if he weren’t I’d certainly investigate.

Personally, provided he was behaving normally, I wouldn't feel ‘uncomfortable’ to see an occasionally boy who looked around 12 in the women’s, but unless there were pretty obvious SN I’d think it odd.

I wouldn't see the issue since the cubicles are all private. It's a little harder to justify a father taking a 7yr old daughter into the male toilets as the urinals are open.
You perhaps need to build your 7yr old confidence up so he'll be able to start doing things on his own more.

I'd use the disabled to be honest.

Is your child disabled?

This. Over the summer we came across several families with 3 boys where father outright refused to take them with him to the toilet. Mother and the 3 boys then took a cubicle each.

Sod the pregnant, elderly and menopausal women waiting who are almost wetting themselves. Sod the girls and women waiting to deal with an unexpected period and worried sick it'll come right through.

The male entitlement starts young, aided and abetted by women.

Don't. They're for disabled people

Tbh the looks are probably more about three small children in a smallish cramped space, who, unless they are very unusual are likely to be making a bit of noise with chattering, and be a bit mobile and possibly under foot, than they are about them being boys. Three small children looks and sounds A LOT in a space where adult women are using facilities, washing hands etc and people get a bit impatient. Nothing you can do about it and as long as they not misbehaving it's not your problem that people ate intolerant. I think probably 8 or 9 is tops for a boy in the ladies.

Oooh you’re hard

🤣🤣brilliant

@AncientQuercus several families with the same number of kids and the same kind of dad. Crikey, how unfortunate

It’s fine, children go into the toilet corresponding to the adult they’re with, until they’re old enough to go in the loo on their own.

God are people so afraid of a little 7yo boy that they’re willing to take facilities away from disabled people

I can’t believe people think it’s ok for men to go in the ladies because they have a little girl with them. They don’t take little boys into the ladies presumably so why are they taking little girls in? Little girls are not delicate flowers, they can cope with perhaps seeing a few men’s backs, just the way their brothers would

I don't think 7 is too old for the ladies at all.

My oldest son started to ask to use the men's loos at about 9. I let him if it was somewhere that seemed safe and made him use the disabled or ladies if somewhere I felt unsafe. This has gradually shifted - he's 13 now and hasn't used the ladies in a very long time!

My younger son is 9. He gets to option of going with older son (13) into the men's or coming with me into the ladies. He almost always chooses to come with me. He looks younger than 9 and is very quiet, which helps.

I am very clear with all my kids that they should use the disabled loo if they don't feel safe using the mens or ladies toilets. I know that's "wrong", but until all loos are self contained and open directly on to a public space, I'll always use the disabled loo if I feel unsafe going in to the ladies, and I tell the kids the same thing.

I don't have a 9 year old son yet but I totally agree.

My DS absolutely did not want to come into the ladies by the time he was 9. If they want to use the mens at that age, let them.

@Beezknees each child is different. What your son wants to do is not what everyone else's wants to do.

I know, but if you don't have one yet you can't really say what you will or won't do.

MissTrip82

“The OP is fine to access the women’s toilets but I’m surprised to hear men attacking boys is so much more common than men attacking girls in your area. Usually CSA predominantly targets girls.”

WTAF!!!

His dare you write such utter rubbish. My son is the victim of sex abuse and was also flashed at with a man purposely wanking right front of him in a public toilet as a young boy.

Many, many boys suffer from sexual abuse. Just dismissing it like that as rarely happening is appalling and very dangerous. Boys need to safeguard too. So sick of how they just don’t matter on MN.

Every child and situation is different. Parents need to safeguard their own children, weigh up risk and act accordingly however they feel fit. Just ignore crappy threads like this. Honestly who really is going to stand there and say to themselves “ well the MN jury said….” You’d be nuts. Trust your instinct and what you feel is best.

I think they were around seven when I let my boys use the men's loos. I would loudly announce as standing by the entrance something along the lines of

Mummy will wait here!

So they would be reassured and any miscreant in there would know I was on watch.

I have 3 boys the same age as you. I take them with me. Like you they would be scared and wouldn’t wait alone or go in to gents alone. I’ve had the odd look but 3 boys getting overly excited when the handdryer goes off by accident is enough to make anyone look! 😂 I’d carry on as you are. They are kids and what are they going to see or do in a ladies toilets that’s so awful??

Westfacing

I was stood outside. My son still experienced what he did and was too upset to tell me until days later.

This. Can be unsafe. I started to age 8-10 depending on where we were. Busy service station fine. Dodgy looking public toilet no. If I’m worried now I ask a man to take a look in and tell me if anyone else is in there and then I stand outside very obviously so anyone else going knows I’ve seen their face. I’m not insane btw. I worked with a man who had been sexually assaulted as a young boy in a public loo so I’m extra careful.

Poor boy - I hope he wasn't too badly scarred by the experience.

Bastards, always ready to pounce.