My husband wants to move in with his ex

[AngieR87]

So my husband left me a few months ago. I'm currently 8 months pregnant with his child. He left our rented home with no money or savings. He told me he was living with a friend.
We weren't really finding a way to communicate when he left then suddenly he messaged me saying he still desired me and thinks about me. We were having a really good conversation about us, how we feel about each other. It seemed like it was going well and possibly hope for us.
I've been attending therapy and felt I was finally getting through to him. He then dropped the bomb he is moving in with his ex. His reasons were to be close to his other children and save for his own house. I didn't feel comfortable with it and asked him not to do it and we could find another way to find the money if he was still set on living apart. He said no, he was moving in with her for his children and money. He never had nice things to say about her and she made our life hell as well as his relationship with his children because she always wanted him back. He's accused me of being controlling because I asked him not to as I feel it would jeopardise our possible rekindling. Am I being controlling or unreasonable here? Am I right I thinking no one would accept this?

He wants to have his cake and eat it too. You need to get CMS involved asap and formally separate from him. He is treating you like a fool.

Did he he leave his wife for you?

They’re back together.

No. They had not been together for around 3 years

He’s gone back to her. I think you need to draw a line and move on, for your own sake and that of your child. Get CMS sorted as soon as you can and divorce his sorry arse.

@Gowlett Thank you! Now I don't feel like it's just me that thinks this way

i can’t see anyway that he’s not back in a relationship with his ex. At the minimum there’d have to be a physical relationship. I suppose you need to think about how long you’re prepared to be strung along. He’s playing both parties.

Look up grey rock. You need to do this ASAP. Stop communicating with him unless it is about your child.

@ChaToilLeam I know you are right. I just need confirmation I'm not the crazy one

@Namemchangeforthispostonly101 I didn't chuck him. He left me. I very much wanted to work on our marriage

I don’t think OP kicked him out - he walked out.

OP, sounds like he is playing a game and testing things! He wants to see how things go with his ex and if it works out he’ll eventually tell you they’re back together. If it doesn’t work out he wants to have you as a back up option. I’m so sorry, what a horrible situation.

No your not being unreasonable or controlling , it sounds like he’s gaslighted you into getting therapy because the reason you broke up was because of you ( he’s made you think that ) and you have followed through and done it hoping you will get back together but I doubt that’s the reason he just deflected the blame to you , let him go and live with he ex that he said he hated cos he probably made out she was crazy n controlling too but wants to live with her lol , ok . You deserve better and I wouldn’t stay around someone like that for u and your child’s sake .
let him go xx

@Frozensun Under these circumstances I can't be with him. I honestly just needed to see that I'm not the unreasonable one and that most people would not be ok with that

He has gone back to his ex.. File for cms. When he has another dc to bring to her home maybe she won't be so happy to have him there. Too bad.

@Sophiekylesmum I appreciate your view on this and now you say this it's ringing so many bells. I can't and don't want to be with him anymore. Not after that. I couldn't. Should I allow him to be involved with baby?

He’s obviously in a relationship with her.

Get what you’re entitled to from CMS and plan your life and your child’s life without him. Get support from family members when your baby arrives.

there is no way that he’s not back together with her. There is also no point in rekindling your relationship with him. He’s a cheating turd.

They're back together and he is treating you like an utter idiot. Its a hurtful situation but if you dont catch onto yourself he'll bounce between the 2 of you as he pleases. Absutely no man is worth killing your self-esteem for. Take a deep breath, separate from him. Concentrate on your baby and turn to any friends and family you have for emotional support.

Added to that- this man is wicked. Why do you even want to rekindle with someone like that? You're 8 months pregnant and he's treating you like this. He is callous. When a man is this unkind your relationship is dead in the water anyway. Move on, its the best and only way.

I don’t think you have any choice re baby involvement. It’s his baby as well unfortunately. That said, you can just not consult him other than to allow visitation if he can be bothered.

@DeeCeeCherry Honestly I just wanted my little family back. I do understand now it seems stupid on the outside but I loved him...why I don't know. After what he's said and done there is no way I could even get back with him. Its done and I'm ready to love on.

He never had nice things to say about her and she made our life hell as well as his relationship with his children because she always wanted him back.

I don’t date men with kids but if I made an exception and did so, it wouldn’t be a messy situation like this where the ex was still attached and apparently causing issues .

Btw often where an ex is made out to be chasing the father of her kids who has left, the truth is he is leading on her on and playing games and perhaps even speaking poorly of the new woman to her, and also deliberately having poor boundaries since he wants the attention.

Having a baby with someone who has kids with an ex that is causing issues/hasn’t let go rarely goes smoothly.

Do you know if his ex is in a relationship? Did he leave her and the kids the same way?

@Howtofryanegg I only went through with the pregnancy because he convinced me he was going to be there no matter what. I was worried about bring a baby into this situation and I feel really guilty about it. Baby wasn't planned.

Honestly he hide what was going on with her for a long time. At the time I thought his ex was the crazy one, but not I honestly think it is him. I do agree with you that he probably was leading her own. I just feel so flipping stupid now

This man is not a catch.

Move on, chasing him will make your life hell.

@Kitkatcatflap I'm not aware if she is in a relationship, but as far as I was aware she wasn't. He told me it was a mutal break up...but now I don't have a clue what is the truth and what is not