My husband wants to move in with his ex

[AngieR87]

So my husband left me a few months ago. I'm currently 8 months pregnant with his child. He left our rented home with no money or savings. He told me he was living with a friend.
We weren't really finding a way to communicate when he left then suddenly he messaged me saying he still desired me and thinks about me. We were having a really good conversation about us, how we feel about each other. It seemed like it was going well and possibly hope for us.
I've been attending therapy and felt I was finally getting through to him. He then dropped the bomb he is moving in with his ex. His reasons were to be close to his other children and save for his own house. I didn't feel comfortable with it and asked him not to do it and we could find another way to find the money if he was still set on living apart. He said no, he was moving in with her for his children and money. He never had nice things to say about her and she made our life hell as well as his relationship with his children because she always wanted him back. He's accused me of being controlling because I asked him not to as I feel it would jeopardise our possible rekindling. Am I being controlling or unreasonable here? Am I right I thinking no one would accept this?

It’s very apt though. He does belong in the bin. Preferably a smelly one.

I am on the idea that he is being playing you both (You and his ex) and he is going to the better bid depending on the weather conditions.

The only advice I can give you is move out his life for your own sake.

Jesus Christ how do you have such a lack of empathy?? The woman’s 8 months pregnant with her first child and she’s going through this horrible stressful time.
OP there’s some hideous people on here, ignore them and don’t allow them a moment

Better now than later, because the baby won’t know any different and won’t be hurt from having a full time father move out.

Yeah, it's just a bit weird to post the same thing over and over. One of the threads I saw it on really missed the tone.

He’s led you right up the garden path. He’s probably telling her all kinds of lies about you now.
Don't put yourself through years of torment with this man, he’ll never save enough for a house, he’s got too many commitments and soon to have more when you hit him with a CMS claim for your baby.
His moving in with the ex could be a way of him getting out of paying CMS to them by claiming he’s there 50% of the time.

You're not unreasonable.
There's no coming back from this for your relationship. You need to accept that and not let him string you along.

Stop telling OP not to put him on the birth certificate. She can leave him off if she wants to make some kind of symbolic point but it’s meaningless; they are married and he will therefore have PR regardless of whether he is named on the BC.

Just sounds like he's has some sort of epiphany that his life is in the shit because of a multiple of women & now kids means running + saving for his own home + 2 sets of child maintenance & potential dating costs & further maintenance if he has more so has decieded to mend bridges with his closets ties - his ex/wife (mothers of his current kids) to boost himself financially & be more involved day to day wise 10+ years from now he might come out on top with his own home, grown up kids & a history of good relationships.

The problem being you were scarred by his ex & you feel if he betters himself then you deserve the benefit of it first & foremost which is probably how his ex felt when you's were building a life together after he'd finished dating around & only doing the bare minimum with her hence why she's willing to take him back now its gone arse up in exchange for more childcare & the chance to benefit of him later

At the end of the day you will always be 2nd (at best) & 2nd of 3/4/5/6 at worst if he already had a partner & kids before you met & has since reconnected with her in a more healthy way & will.need to find a way to get on eith him if your co-parenting sp you might just have to suck it up, wish him well but make it clear the doors closed now

Get over it.

Thanks everyone for the kind and helpful words. What he said totally destroyed any chance of getting back with me.

After I called him out on his behaviour he blocked me away. I have no way to contact him when baby does come, so in my eyes that's it from him.

I'm OK for money and I do have a support network around me. I'm not worried about doing this alone.

Unfortunately we are married and where I live will need to go on birth certificate. I will be choosing a name for baby and will definitely be using my maiden name.

I am currently in therapy as mentioned so that will be another tool for me to be able to communicate with him in a better way if he does appear back for baby. But under no circumstances I will get back with him, never. I know I am a nice person and I deserve better.

I just feel bad for this tiny little human I'm growing inside me. It hasn't got a chance with a father like him around. I just hope I can do all I can't make their live good

He's gone back to the ex and children. He may have always regretted the split from them all, and secretly yearned to be back.

He's a weak arsehole, happy to cause this car crash.

If she never wanted the split, having their father back and pulling his weight would be a goal I can understand.

It's easier for her if he's there. She may have been working on it all along, and seen you as a temporary 'situation'. Your child will be low priority for her; hers will always come first and she'll likely try to influence him there.

Make damn sure he contributes everything your family are entitled to, and that he carries out all responsibilities and duties to his and your children.

Er- read the OP

I am so sorry to hear you have to be dealing with such shit especially during the last months of your pregnancy. Your husband is a twat for many reasons but blocking his heavily pregnant wife is just so bad that I would just ignore him completely, not bother about updating him on anything and only communicate to him about the baby if he gets in touch. As you are married he has a parental responsibility and I would make sure he is made to pay. Once you have given birth pls make sure you make an appointment to register the birth asap as there might be a few weeks queue to do this. You can do this alone as you are married. Lean on your support network and stay strong for yourself and your baby.

Stay focussed and never take what he or she tells you about money, property, etc as true.

You are married = you have rights.

If he has income, savings, pension, property, you have rights. And so does he.

Please see a solicitor and learn about your rights and his responsibilities to you and your child. Find one on Monday who does a free first consultation.

You'll need your team around you - do you have family and friends? Are you in the UK?

How old was the youngest of his other children when he left her?

@Olika Thank you for your kind words. Yeh he's blocked me and all my family on social media and via phone. So I honestly have no way of contacting him. I'm happy this way as it means i can focus on the rest of my pregnancy.
I will definitely make a plan to register birth as soon as baby is born. I want all that sorted out before he gets near baby.

Have you had a conversation with her? If you do, I'll bet you will get a completely different story than the one that he has been telling you.

I've been in this situation as well. Except the other woman didn't have kids with him and eventually she kicked him to the curb when I got pregnant. I knew this because during that time, he stopped disappearing.

OP, please don't beat yourself up.

Being pregnant messes with your head as the baby sends out hornones to make you keep it and stick with the father as giving birth/ having a baby is about as dependent/ vulnerable as you can be. It's all about survival.

Having said that, you need to survive in the long term and you need to dig deep into your anger and use it against him. A solicitor needs to be seen and a divorce needs to happen.

He will tell every woman he meets he loves her when in reality he is only capable of loving himself. When you feel yourself wavering remember he was discussing getting back together whilst living with ex AND if he was that concerned about his kids he wouldn't have left their mother in the first place. Now he's dumping on a woman with a baby he insisted he wanted. A baby he wanted to trap you with.

Sending love and hugs 💐

Be strong and get thee to a pitbull lawyer x

@JFDIYOLO Honestly we have nothing around really. No money, no savings, no property. I was one stung by a guy like this around 18 years ago. I made sure I would never get into the same position with a man.

The only thing to sort out is baby. Yes I have lots of support and I live in Scotland. I just know laws can be different between scotlsnd, England, Ireland and Wales.

@RedToothBrush I think his youngest was around 1/2

He's a cheating shit. I'd let him save up and then take half of it in the divorce.

@MyopicBunny I haven't spoken to her in a few years. She was jealous and would make stuff up about me so I decided just to kot talk to her ever again. I guess this had worked to his advantage.

@Pinkdelight3 I like this one. But honestly I don't want revenge.... just want peace and happiness.

As we say in Scotland- get your big girl pants on and be free! Yes you should allow contact but as you’ve no way of contacting him who knows what will happen there. Make sure you go through proper official channels for access and child maintenance- that way everything is clear and there are no grey areas. Scotland have a fabulous group called Homestart - I would recommend you contact them as they can provide so much support and information. Good luck!