My husband wants to move in with his ex

[AngieR87]

So my husband left me a few months ago. I'm currently 8 months pregnant with his child. He left our rented home with no money or savings. He told me he was living with a friend.
We weren't really finding a way to communicate when he left then suddenly he messaged me saying he still desired me and thinks about me. We were having a really good conversation about us, how we feel about each other. It seemed like it was going well and possibly hope for us.
I've been attending therapy and felt I was finally getting through to him. He then dropped the bomb he is moving in with his ex. His reasons were to be close to his other children and save for his own house. I didn't feel comfortable with it and asked him not to do it and we could find another way to find the money if he was still set on living apart. He said no, he was moving in with her for his children and money. He never had nice things to say about her and she made our life hell as well as his relationship with his children because she always wanted him back. He's accused me of being controlling because I asked him not to as I feel it would jeopardise our possible rekindling. Am I being controlling or unreasonable here? Am I right I thinking no one would accept this?

Very balanced and wise of you! I wish you and your baby that peace and happiness you both deserve, and your child absolutely has every chance in life with you as his mother.

Divorce him OP.

Don’t put him on the birth certificate and move on. You can still claim for child support from him but he won’t have a say in your child’s upbringing.

Don’t have contact with him and don’t allow him to move back in with you when he gets fed up living with his ex( which he’ll do as he still ‘desires ‘ you).

He wants to have 2 women to move between as the fancy takes him and what better ego boost for him?
He wants you and his ex to fight over him.

You need to walk away and not look back.

OP, you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and buckets of support and self-respect that would stop you from ever doing the pick me dance.

Good luck for you and your baby with a comfortable delivery for you both.

You can register it alone even if you’re not married. The only difference between married and unmarried is the naming of father.

Sorry OP but you are all crazy .
He messages you with “I still desire you and think about you “ after leaving you 8 months pregnant and you let that lead to a talk .

You need to be stronger and not so easy to be picked up and dropped .
He’s playing games ! Or he’s the biggest cocklodger on here .
Running from responsibility and going to the place that is the best place for him Financially .
Let the ex wife have him he’s no catch and you will find that you won’t get a Choice to keep the baby away from him . This man sill not step up . .
So yes if you give this man the time of day you are crazy too!

That’s so shocking. The fact you’re eight months pregnant with his child and he’d do that. Utter scum.

do you know for sure he left you and moved in with a friend, or do you think he just moved straight in with his ex?

This is simply untrue. He has parental rights under Scottish law. OP deserves to be given accurate information in this situation.

https://www.mygov.scot/parental-responsibilities-rights/fathers

He automatically has parental responsibility because they’re married. Even if she filed for divorce today it takes at least 6 months so they will be married when the baby is born.

And your comment about child support is completely wrong.

Is the OP in Scotland? Not that it matters, he has the same rights in England.

The divorce would be irrelevant anyway. In Scottish law he has PR if they were married when the child was conceived or if they married after conception. Divorce does not change this.

Yes, in an update she says ‘Yes I have lots of support and I live in Scotland. I just know laws can be different between scotlsnd, England, Ireland and Wales.’

So my husband left me a few months ago. I'm currently 8 months pregnant with his child. He left our rented home with no money or savings. He told me he was living with a friend.
We weren't really finding a way to communicate when he left then suddenly he messaged me saying he still desired me and thinks about me. We were having a really good conversation about us, how we feel about each other. It seemed like it was going well and possibly hope for us.

Would you really WANT him back????? He's treating you like an complete idiot who can't see what's plainly going on here.

I actually laugh every time🤣

@DriftingDora Before I know about moving in with his ex yes I did. I'm pregnant with his child and I just wanted my wee family back. Now there is no chance in hell that would happen. I not stupid and as soon as told me that it was the confirmation I needed to move on

@Janieforever No I am now positive he's been living with her since he left. He was always so vague about it. Even if what I think is completely wrong he has made it seem this way

@Milkybarsareonmeeeee Yes as soon as he told me about moving in with his ex it gave me thr confirmation I needed. I don't want this man back in my life and I never want to talk to him again. I will have to if he appears in baby life. Apart from that I have no interest.
I understand you think I'm crazy but I was in love and just wanted my family back

I am aware in Scotland that he will be on birth certificate and have parental responsibility for baby.
He would often talk about how dirty and unclean his ex house was, his children would often come to us dirty, smelly, unclean, head lice etc. There is no way my baby will be allowed over at the ex house.

Literally the first line of the OP is that he was the one who left.
What an ignorant and hurtful reply.

@LikeagoddamnVampire Honestly do not worry about it. Like you said they did not read the post properly. I know what I did wasn't the most logical but I know I'm a decent person and I just wanted my little family together because I loved him

I don’t think you are crazy really .
You would be mad though yes to take him back or believe anything that comes out his mouth.
He will leave his wife when the next meal ticket represents itself though.

You will be much happier without him.
He gives crumbs and expects something for them .

I think you are right to come to that conclusion. You can do better than this cheating loser.

You don’t actually need to add him to the birth certificate even though use are married. As your married it would just mean you can put him on the certificate without him being present. Just means if he wants to be involved and added to it he would need to pay to get it done.

He left you while pregnant and is now going to go live with his ex. Don't take anymore of his shit, he is treating you like a doormat. Don't contact him, only communication should be about the baby.

They are definitely back together. Sorry op.

My advice as someone who went through kind of similar:
Look after yourself and the baby
Start squirrelling money away - when you go to a supermarket get cash back. Save the cash at home or in the bank account of someone you trust 100%. It will show up as grocery shopping on bank statement if your divorce goes to court and they look at finances.
See a solicitor.
Buy a cheap phone with a PAYG SIM card. That's his number for you and block him from your current one. Puts you in control and you can switch him off or leave him somewhere when you want/need to.
Let your friends and family help.
Take care, you and your baby are better off without him but make sure you get all the child support you are entitled to.