My husband wants to move in with his ex

[AngieR87]

So my husband left me a few months ago. I'm currently 8 months pregnant with his child. He left our rented home with no money or savings. He told me he was living with a friend.
We weren't really finding a way to communicate when he left then suddenly he messaged me saying he still desired me and thinks about me. We were having a really good conversation about us, how we feel about each other. It seemed like it was going well and possibly hope for us.
I've been attending therapy and felt I was finally getting through to him. He then dropped the bomb he is moving in with his ex. His reasons were to be close to his other children and save for his own house. I didn't feel comfortable with it and asked him not to do it and we could find another way to find the money if he was still set on living apart. He said no, he was moving in with her for his children and money. He never had nice things to say about her and she made our life hell as well as his relationship with his children because she always wanted him back. He's accused me of being controlling because I asked him not to as I feel it would jeopardise our possible rekindling. Am I being controlling or unreasonable here? Am I right I thinking no one would accept this?

He's an arsehole and you shouldn't put up with his shit!!!

What you need to be wary of is him playing you both off against each other. The minute he gets fed up there and then he wants to move back in with you again.

Was there anywhere we he could have gone - parents, siblings, friend's spare room?

He’s going to play you both if you let him. Even if he isn’t sleeping with her (I think he is), he is disrespecting you by moving in with his ex. I can’t see any way your relationship can move on in these circumstances. Break away from him in the way his ex probably hasn’t been able to. He will likely add someone else to the mix then and continue to play them as long as he’s allowed.

It's a huge red flag when a man bad mouths his ex. Its always lies.

He's been cheating on you whilst you are pregnant. He's a piece of shit and you deserve better.

It's none of your business where he lives

Do you not know this?

This is over OP. You need to detach from him
and cms when the baby is born . He is not a catch

Sorry about your pain OP.
He isn't worth more of your time.
Pleas÷ try and focus on the baby and yourself.
It's hard I know, but nothing will be gained from going over what he said or didn't say.

Don't let him use you or play around with your feelings. He's made it perfectly clear how he feels about you, believe him as actions speak louder than words.

This will pass and you'll be much happier without a lying cheat.

Of course you'd want to know where he lives as the father of your child, but don't get involved with the drama.

Contact him once you've given birth to let him know. You'll be emotional and vulnerable so be on your guard as he'll likely want to take advantage.

Good luck ❤.

Fucker wants a harem, doesn't he?

How absolutely appalling. He's a spineless creature. YANBU.

Can you move away op? Once the baby is born and he's involved you're on tricky ground, but right now before she/he is born, you can do what you please...

While you can’t withhold contact once the baby is born, I certainly wouldn’t go out of my way to facilitate it either.

He sounds like a feckless arsehole and I’d be wary of my child getting messed around by a man who’s flaky and deceitful. Has he been a reliable and involved father to his previous DC? Or has he not bothered with them too much while the ex was being “difficult”?

If you think he’d be a shitty dad, I wouldn’t put him on the birth cert and I’d do everything I could to avoid having to co-parent. As a PP suggests, I might even consider moving - esp if you’re not near a support network, such as your own family. Children grow up fine with an absent parent - but parents who drift in and out often do real damage.

Look after yourself and your wee one - and let this loser just get on with whatever shit he wants to do. You’re worth so much more than lies and manipulation.

As another poster has said, when he gets fed up he will try to come back. Be ready for this! Under no circumstances should you be allowing this man back into your life, he will just do the same thing all over again. You’re worth more than this. Good luck OP.

He sounds really horrible, disrespectful of you and your needs. I also think he’s keeping you on the back burner as an option so please take steps to protect yourself. Make a CMS claim as soon as the baby is born. Grey rock is the way to go with good boundaries.

Get divorced.

Go after him for child support.

Do not allow him to come back jnto your life.

Do not have him at the birth of your baby. Find a friend or a relative to accompany you when the time comes. Tell him about it in your own sweet time.

He wants you and his ex wife to engage in a game of "pick meeeeeee'".

This is because he has a strange idea that he is an incredible catch - an inflated idea of his own attractiveness, and a massive ego that needs constant stroking.

Again - do not let him back. Don't play the game he wants to see you play.

As others have said, he will definitely try to come back.
If you don’t contact him best believe he will be on the phone to you asking what is going on.
At the moment , he is the one in control as he has two women vying for his attention.
If it doesn’t work out with the ex, he will be on your doorstep. Don’t give him the opportunity, ignore him and focus on your baby. I know it is difficult, but try to get support from friends and family
A man who can leave a pregnant woman is a nasty piece of work . Please don’t take him back

Because of the way he has spoken about his ex, he has engineered a situation whereby it was ‘you and him against her’. This unfortunately means that you now can’t check his lie claim that he is living with her for innocent reasons.
You have to ask yourself, if they are not in a relationship, what on earth would be in it for her to have him back?
As awful as it is, you need to now plan yours and your child’s future as just the two of you because this is not a man you can rely on. Try to get all your legal and financial ducks in a row before the baby is born. Don’t be vindictive, it wastes emotional energy that you won’t have to spare.
He’s shown you who he is. Believe it and react accordingly. He almost definitely will try to come back at some point. You don’t need him.

You’re NOT the crazy one.

Sounds like he wants to keep all options open for himself but that compromises you and your needs.

I’m so sorry you are in this situation. It’s awful. However you can take control and establish a life for you and your baby. Look after yourself.

Not up to you to " allow" him to be involved..a baby isn't a weapon , they have a right to know and be loved by both parents.

There’s really no need to be rude. OP isn’t stupid, but she’s heavily pregnant and been left - of course she’s going to be feeling vulnerable and upset.

I’m sorry OP. You deserve better.

Gee, on the first page and STILL couldn't read the whole post before coming out with the snark. That could almost be a record, except it seems to be a trend on MN. GMAFB 🙄

PUT THE WHOLE MAN IN THE BIN

Did you miss the part where they have been discussing reconciliation? You don't think she has the right to an opinion on her husband wanting to reconcile with her whilst also moving in with his ex wife? 🙄

You've posted this meme and line on quite a few threads. It's getting a bit old...

@AngieR87

You need to protect yourself. Change the locks on your house (if you can LL allows?) Or, if you can, move as far away as possible and start securing your financials. You may think he didn't take any money "with him" but you need to secure money for you and the baby, so check and put at least half into an account just in your name. Do you have family or close friends in the area? If so, lean on them and have them be the support/partner at the birth of your little one. Let someone else call him about the baby after you get home and settled. Hopefully, have someone stay with you for a week or so.

Block him on all communication. He has shown you what type of person he is, and he will try and trick you/wiggle his way back in when it suits him. Value yourself more than that and don't let him influence you.

He is treating you like a second-class citizen and you are NOT! You can do this!

Stay strong mama and soon, your little one will be snuggled into your arms. You two are the only important ones in this equation. Please remember that.

I'm sorry @AngieR87, what crap circumstances for your pregnancy

Agree - protect your interests, esp financial
Minimise any contact with him

What about his family - parents, siblings? What do they think?