to object to other parent's vile racist remarks in the nursery playground?

[grimupnorth]

We recently moved to a new area and dd (just 3) has started at the nursery attatched to the primary school round the corner. Its on a council estate that has a bit of a 'reputation' but tbh that doesn't bother me, the school is lovely nd small and the staff seem excellent. DD loves it there and is making friends, but I'm having problems with the other parents.

Basically they refuse to speak to me. Its not paranoia, they really do and have done since the first morning when I dropped her off. They just give me dirty looks and don't reply when I say hello. Only one of them acknowledges me, and she runs the local shop so isn't going to be rude to the customers! Its a close community and they all know each other etc etc, and I'm an outsider with a posh accent, pink hair, and a faceful of piercings. I can live with being ignored, but...

Today when we were waiting to go in to drop the dc's off, two of the women started having a conversation about a recent trip one of them had had to make with her ds. She was basically bitching about how carp the treatment was, but then these comments were made:

"The place was full of Asians pretending to have heart attacks so they'd get seen first"

"Next time I go I'll be boot polishing our faces to get better treatment"

"The bloody Arabs want to piss off back home and stop bleeding our hospitals dry"

This was in front of children, and I was furious. I picked up dd and carried her to the other end of the playground to look at the daffodils, and I could feel them (the mothers not the daffodils!) watching me. I felt really uncomfortable, I wanted to say something but tbh I was worried about getting smacked - they are pretty tough aggressive women.

I'm quite ashamed of myself for not having the guts to stand up and say something at the time but didn't want dd to see me get into an argument, or to do it on school grounds. I'm going to put in a complaint to the head tomorrow - is this OTT?

And by the way, I really find your ability to jump on what people say and twist it quite impressive! I do not see why I have to be tolerant of such vulgar behaviour so if you are trying to make me look bad- try harder sweetie! The girl was wrong, plain and simple. And living in the area we lived, saying things like that, she's lucky that's all that happened to her. Perhaps it will make her think twice before she opens up her narrow minded little views to someone who won't be so tolerant and smacks the shit out of her. Might have done the girl a favour so mind your own business and stop being such a fart des.

Meandmyjoe, you make it everyones business when you post on here. Perhaps you should have added "and I don't want any comments unless they are in my favour"

Haha, yes of course you are right grey. But also, des shouldn't have asked if I wanted a medal. if you re-read my post you will note the definite lack of medal requesting. Just think that people should not be so jugemental as des does not know the girl or the area I am describing. And to tbh I don't give a shit whether its in my favour or not- go ahead, tear me down, rip me apart, I feel like Healther Mills! Go for it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My, my! This thread does attract 'em!

meandmyjoe, I can't recall where I left my chainsaw

I'll settle for saying that outright racist remarks make me cringe, but that I think many people have become too sensitive about it.
For example when I was little (in the 60s)I'd be sent to the paki shop to get something. It was just a word not an insult.

Also in the areas I grew up and lived in for most of my life people spoke crudely to each other in a casual way that wasn't meant to be deeply offensive.

It certainly does.

Let me finish my input by saying that these comments that weren't offensive when you were growing up- times change, they are now. Words change theor meaning think of 'gay' r 'cool'. Something that meant something to your generation can have a whole different connotation or meaning now.

The thread was about people in the school and that seems to have been lost. What they were saying was unnacceptable and deffinitely a bad influence upon children. Anyway, you are boring me now! TADA X

i don't think you are being ott at all, and i think its fine to ask the head to remind all parents of the schools equal ops and diversity policy, and how the school is encouraging the children to appreciate other cultures etc and so hope they can rely on the support of parents at home in this.
honestly, some fucking people are SO ignorant. I wish all the racists would piss of to one place all together, alittle island just for them. Then whose fault would it be that everything is rubbish?! o,. their own.

Personally, I think they're trying to get a rise out of you - pink hair, piercings, outsider - they know that this is going to upset you.

lol..aint the past great!...when you could be openly racist and it was a gesture affection almost.. Oh and no one would challenge you or make you feel uncomfortable for your obvious ignorance...

Desi

If anyone 15 years old or 5 years old or 75 years old made racist comments in my house they would be shown the door swiftly.

Putting up with bigotry is not tolerant. It's becoming part of the problem.

You don't say, Quat.

Mumcentreplus, you miss the point.

1. that 'I' was not being racist at all in using the word. Racism is the intent not the word
2. that ALL insults are more commonly used (even now) where I grew up than in a middle class drawing room and therefore the intent of all insults must be viewed in that light.

I'd throw someone out of my house for being racist.

No question.

meandmyjoe I totally agree with you. I think it's disgraceful how people can be so bigotted. Hopefully the girl will think twice next time. I'd have chucked her out- deffinitely. I know it came from her parents but she was old enough to realise that she was wrong. Des back off!

Des, back off!

U Just seem rather aggressive in your approach. Making out that others are not tolerant cos of their actions. If my dd spoke like this, I'd exoect someone to throw her out!

Not bothered tho can't be arsed, get back to what the thread was about cos through all your bitchin, there's a woman with a REAL problem/ question here, remember?????

I have not bitched at all on this thread. I am merely responding to the hysteria.

What you (and others) have singularly failed to see, is that a 'racist' needs enlightening, not a boot up the arse via the front door.

Especially one who is a mere fifteen years old. I am consistent, if nothing else. Those people on MN who regularly shout the racist card, seem the most intolerant posters on here.

Back to the original post??????????????

And by the sound of it, by telling the girl she was part Iranian, she has enlightened her and taught her that these view can be offensive even if someone looks or is white!!!!!!

Is it ever enlightening to tell a lie?

A friend who lives in London told me that there is a new rascist expression doing the rounds where she is, calling things a "bit dark". As in a friend of hers had said to her "the primary school I visited last week was a bit dark, iykwim". She was embarrased and awkward about it and her DH said that people at his work were also saying it. I live near London, but haven't come across this yet and hope not to.

evie, racism means that you believe yourself to be superior to another race. Since dark skinned people come from a multitude of races, I don't think the term can apply in this instance.

If someone has a problem with the fact that a primary school has a high proportion of "dark skinned" pupils then surely that is racism? Even if they hide it behind coy terms like 'a bit dark'.

What else would you call it?

What I get from "its a bit dark" is that the friend didn't like that school because of the percentage of ethnic children there. Am I misunderstanding that evie?