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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to object to other parent's vile racist remarks in the nursery playground?

332 replies

grimupnorth · 17/03/2008 19:28

We recently moved to a new area and dd (just 3) has started at the nursery attatched to the primary school round the corner. Its on a council estate that has a bit of a 'reputation' but tbh that doesn't bother me, the school is lovely nd small and the staff seem excellent. DD loves it there and is making friends, but I'm having problems with the other parents.

Basically they refuse to speak to me. Its not paranoia, they really do and have done since the first morning when I dropped her off. They just give me dirty looks and don't reply when I say hello. Only one of them acknowledges me, and she runs the local shop so isn't going to be rude to the customers! Its a close community and they all know each other etc etc, and I'm an outsider with a posh accent, pink hair, and a faceful of piercings. I can live with being ignored, but...

Today when we were waiting to go in to drop the dc's off, two of the women started having a conversation about a recent trip one of them had had to make with her ds. She was basically bitching about how carp the treatment was, but then these comments were made:

"The place was full of Asians pretending to have heart attacks so they'd get seen first"

"Next time I go I'll be boot polishing our faces to get better treatment"

"The bloody Arabs want to piss off back home and stop bleeding our hospitals dry"

This was in front of children, and I was furious. I picked up dd and carried her to the other end of the playground to look at the daffodils, and I could feel them (the mothers not the daffodils!) watching me. I felt really uncomfortable, I wanted to say something but tbh I was worried about getting smacked - they are pretty tough aggressive women.

I'm quite ashamed of myself for not having the guts to stand up and say something at the time but didn't want dd to see me get into an argument, or to do it on school grounds. I'm going to put in a complaint to the head tomorrow - is this OTT?

OP posts:
Desiderata · 17/03/2008 22:58

.. but nobody knows what you're on about, MCP, including Harpsi!

Desiderata · 17/03/2008 22:58

Oh! And you should try being English. Everybody hates us

harpsichordcarrier · 17/03/2008 23:02

Desi are you thinking of the old footbal chant there?

harpsichordcarrier · 17/03/2008 23:04

(Millwall. Inter alia)

Desiderata · 17/03/2008 23:04

I'm more of a rugger gal, me, Harpsi.

What's the old football chant?

harpsichordcarrier · 17/03/2008 23:08

No One Likes Us, We Don't Care
football chant sung by Millwall supporters
to the tune of Sailing by Rod Stewart
it is the theme tune of white working class alienation.
or so I read in the Guardian once.

Mumcentreplus · 17/03/2008 23:08

Desi...this thread started because a mother was concerned about racism in her school...blantant nasty racism...by the end of this thread her concerns have becomes a joke...perhaps because you have not experienced real racism you cannot appreicate how incepid and evil it is...how sad or pathetic it is to hate for no other reason than a persons skin colour...

Greyriverside · 17/03/2008 23:11

Mumcentreplus, after people have been serious a while they like to be lighthearted for a bit. It's like turning from watching the news about a disaster and then making a cuppa.

harpsichordcarrier · 17/03/2008 23:13

at the risk of making generalisations and stating the obvious...
it is absolutely a part of British culture to laugh at everything, even the things that are the most serious.
this is our way of dealing with serious things.
like accusations of racism, or vile racist comments, or even crass generalisations about the working classes etc etc.
I think to criticise the British for joking about serious matters is such a serious failure to understand and appreciate our culture as to border on the racist

WanderingTrolley · 17/03/2008 23:14

I've been a victim of racism mcp.

Best ever version of Sailing

Desiderata · 17/03/2008 23:18

MCP .. all Mumsnet threads turn into a joke at the end.

I think you need to post more, and get the site, to be honest. Without humour, we're all completely fucked.

No, I haven't been the subject of racism. That's because I live in the country of my birth, where the indigenous population have white skin and a certain culture .. a culture that I grew up in.

If I moved elsewhere, that situation might change. I am sorry that you feel victimized, but no one on this thread has made you feel that way. For what it's worth, I think the British had assimilated a massive influx of newcomers over the last thirty years, and for the most part, I think we've assimilated it with fairly good grace. I doubt there are many countries on earth who could have coped as well.

If you have a grievance, why not say what it is, instead of carping about it?

Mumcentreplus · 17/03/2008 23:33

Yes Desi some do end in all smiles and jokes...I said what I had to say make of it what you will..if it makes you uncomfortable not my problem..you choose to make light of something that affects others in a serious way thats your choice...I'm not victim and nothing you have said on this thread has affected me in such a way...it just makes me wonder and perhaps you should wonder too..just a though.

and for the record I too was born in this country...I too have similar cultural upbringing and have experienced other cultures too...I don't see that as an excuse for insensitive behaviour...sorry I don't buy it...I agree British people are very agreeable to other nationalities but that does not change the fact that racism at it's basic level exists in all it's glory....funny how if someone spoils your party ir becomes carping..lol

Mumcentreplus · 17/03/2008 23:36

bluddy spellin!

Desiderata · 17/03/2008 23:38

Oh, and to continue along Harpsi's theme, the only reason we live in a country that has never had a dictatorship is because we would have laughed him out of town.

Can you imagine Hitler happening over here .. a jumped up, fleck-mouthed little upstart who looked exactly like Charlie Chaplin? One rant in the Workington Working Mans' Club, and he'd have been a very burst bubble

Lighten up, love. Life is way too short.

Mumcentreplus · 17/03/2008 23:41

I'm off to bed and I shall awake in typical English fashion (alarm clock)..lol...run to the rail station and complain bitterly about this damn nasty weather!

Desiderata · 17/03/2008 23:45

Umm, just read your last post. You don't like me at all, do you!

Fortunately, I am not a sensitive soul. Should you post tomorrow that you need £2.50 bus fare, I would probably find it within myself to satisfy you on that score.

Now good night, you old trout.

Mumcentreplus · 17/03/2008 23:46

Of course whilst wearin totally unsuitable clothing because you never can tell what tha hell it's going to be like!...

lol@ English Hitler...(wonders if he'd be called Dave,John or something?..personally I like Kevin)..

Desiderata · 17/03/2008 23:46

Ah! Train fare, indeed. In which case, I'll raise you £22.50

Desiderata · 17/03/2008 23:48

Kevin Shittelgruber

Now fuck off to bed .. we don't like each other, remember?

Mumcentreplus · 17/03/2008 23:51

Oh yeah..lol..(gotta work on tha short term memory...too much Wine me thinks)

Desiderata · 17/03/2008 23:52
Grin
Meandmyjoe · 19/03/2008 20:10

What disgusting things to say- to anyone but particularly in front of children. Kids are so easily influenced and this kind of thing makes me sick.

I'm rambling but my old next door neighbours used to say stuff like that and always used racist terms in front of me and their own children. I was horrified when I heard their 15 y/o daughter use similar language in my house and told her I thought it was disgraceful and also lied a bit and told her my dad was half Iranian so I didn't want her in my house again! (He's very tanned with black hair and it was the first thing that came to mind!!!) I just wanted to shock her into realising that not everyone has these disgusting views so she should keep her fowl thoughts to herself. Awful really as it was entirely her parents fault for encouraging her to have such offensive views. Thankfully, we bought a new house and moved from those grotty people when ds was 7 weeks old!

Anyway, you are sooooooooo not being unreasonable. I'd be bloody fuming!

Desiderata · 19/03/2008 20:20

You want a medal for telling a fifteen year old girl she's no longer welcome in your house?

How very tolerant of you ..

Meandmyjoe · 19/03/2008 20:25

Oh and for the record, I have been the victim of racism. Dispite the fact that I am white and have always lived in UK. When at school (probably because I had very dark hair and was even more tanned back then) people did used to say nasty comment such as 'I a f**g half P**' and I was 'dirty'. Also maybe people had seen my dad who is even darker complexion. A few girls used to get great delight in taunting me and saying my dad was foreign and in the end I just went along with it. I didn't see the point in trying to argue as if I was of a different origin then I see nothing to be ashamed of or justify. We are a British white family but are lucky enough to have some colour! Oddly enough, I sometimes see those girls looking like tangerines from having too many sun beds! Bet they wish they were 'dirty' now! Vicious bitches.

Meandmyjoe · 19/03/2008 20:26

Didn't ask for a medal darling but if you're offering? Why not!