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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to object to other parent's vile racist remarks in the nursery playground?

332 replies

grimupnorth · 17/03/2008 19:28

We recently moved to a new area and dd (just 3) has started at the nursery attatched to the primary school round the corner. Its on a council estate that has a bit of a 'reputation' but tbh that doesn't bother me, the school is lovely nd small and the staff seem excellent. DD loves it there and is making friends, but I'm having problems with the other parents.

Basically they refuse to speak to me. Its not paranoia, they really do and have done since the first morning when I dropped her off. They just give me dirty looks and don't reply when I say hello. Only one of them acknowledges me, and she runs the local shop so isn't going to be rude to the customers! Its a close community and they all know each other etc etc, and I'm an outsider with a posh accent, pink hair, and a faceful of piercings. I can live with being ignored, but...

Today when we were waiting to go in to drop the dc's off, two of the women started having a conversation about a recent trip one of them had had to make with her ds. She was basically bitching about how carp the treatment was, but then these comments were made:

"The place was full of Asians pretending to have heart attacks so they'd get seen first"

"Next time I go I'll be boot polishing our faces to get better treatment"

"The bloody Arabs want to piss off back home and stop bleeding our hospitals dry"

This was in front of children, and I was furious. I picked up dd and carried her to the other end of the playground to look at the daffodils, and I could feel them (the mothers not the daffodils!) watching me. I felt really uncomfortable, I wanted to say something but tbh I was worried about getting smacked - they are pretty tough aggressive women.

I'm quite ashamed of myself for not having the guts to stand up and say something at the time but didn't want dd to see me get into an argument, or to do it on school grounds. I'm going to put in a complaint to the head tomorrow - is this OTT?

OP posts:
magicfarawaytree · 17/03/2008 22:06

will save that picture wt just to remind me lol!

TheQueenMother · 17/03/2008 22:08

Er yes, I know Wikipedia isn't a reliable source if one is ajournalist or researcher. But I'm not, I am doing a quick and dirty link to a list of definitions of racism on a discussion forum. Anyone can look up the OED version if they want to.

Mercy · 17/03/2008 22:09

WT - for years I thought the All Blacks were an all Maori team and then I met my husband to be........

Yes, a Kiwi who prefers football to rugby!

Mercy · 17/03/2008 22:11

QM - why don't you just accept an opinion from me as an example?

Mumcentreplus · 17/03/2008 22:19

...wow I'm truly appalled by some of the opinions expressed here...perhaps you are joking...but many a thing said in jest ...truly shocked...

Desiderata · 17/03/2008 22:22

What are you on about?

Heated · 17/03/2008 22:22

Yes, speak to the head imo, saying it upset you, how prevalent are these attitudes? What does the school do to address this in PSHRE? The purpose being to give the Head a mental jog to revisit this area with the pupils. No, I wouldn't expect the head to tackle the parents, but tackle the issue through the power of education.

And no, I would not have directly challenged the parents if I was there just as another parent (I am btw the sort of person is known to challenge misbehaving 'yoof') because it would have achieved little. They would have turned round and told me to get lost, theirs was a private, albeit v loud, conversation. Free world blah blah blah. My priority at that stage would be my child rather than starting a verbal exchange, although there are some very effective non-verbal signals I would give!

In the future if there was a conversation to which I was party, and a racist comment made, then I could say, "I'm find that offensive..."

Mercy · 17/03/2008 22:23

I'm getting confused now!

Mumcentreplus - expliquez s'il vous plait

WanderingTrolley · 17/03/2008 22:24

Well for me, Desi, one minute I was perving at rugby players and the next I was being patronised. Funny ole world, innit?

mrsruffallo · 17/03/2008 22:25

MCP - eh?

S1ur · 17/03/2008 22:27

hmm mcp, ?

heated - good post

Quattrocento · 17/03/2008 22:28

I think we have outed MCP as a Daily Mailer

S'okay MCP, I don't organise lynchmobs for Mailers. Surely you must expect a leetle jibe every now and again?

Mumcentreplus · 17/03/2008 22:29

Confused?...

Desiderata · 17/03/2008 22:29

Let's get back to perving rugby players

harpsichordcarrier · 17/03/2008 22:30

MCP what are you talking about?

Desiderata · 17/03/2008 22:31

... although I'm somewhat lost by your post as well, Quattro.

WanderingTrolley · 17/03/2008 22:32

Crivens

Mumcentreplus · 17/03/2008 22:34

lmaooo Daily Mailer?..I think not

mrsruffallo · 17/03/2008 22:35

no, i didn't think so mcp...so come on, explain yerself...

Mumcentreplus · 17/03/2008 22:35

me?...I'm just reading between the lines

Desiderata · 17/03/2008 22:38

Fucking hell, WT!!

Hubba Hubba ....

harpsichordcarrier · 17/03/2008 22:39

this thread is doing my head in

Mercy · 17/03/2008 22:40

Well I'm off to bed now. In fact I may try ro stay off MN for a a couple of days for the sake of my dc

Grim - good luck and best wishes whatever you decide to do

Desiderata · 17/03/2008 22:44

See you tomorrow, Mercy

Mumcentreplus · 17/03/2008 22:56

Me too Harpsi...I feel it has taken a very interesting turn in fact...from the serious to the ridiculous...makes you wonder ...perhaps because something is not experienced it cannot truly be appreciated for how completely nasty it is...but then that could just be me being sensitive...or reactionary..right?