Wife is the higher earner

[Notsureanymorepri]

Husband has a decent salary (£70k gross), in the last 2 years my income has grown to 500-600k (mainly due to variable compensation) from around 110-130k. we have always split all expenses 50-50 and kept our finances separated. we have a relatively frugal lifestyle. No debt, mortgage paid off. The cost of nursery where we live in London is £2.4K/month for our only child and due to brexit he may have lost 10 years of pension contributions abroad so is in catch up mode and I agree this is a priority. he now feels under financial pressure at the prospect of booking holidays and did not sleep for days when we found out that the results of the state school we were aiming for have plummeted and we MAY need to consider private as an option in 2 years…i have spoken about me paying for the holidays or me contributing more to the joint account but he doesn’t seem keen. What options could I suggest to make it seem fair that we adjust our lifestyle a little bit if reasonably affordable at household income level without making him feel bad about himself (I am proud of his career and he does have an important job) please?

As a person who earns £11k a year and whose partner is on state pension plus considerably less than me self employed because he can’t afford to retire, I’m just open mouthed at this.

I don’t know what to say, you both earn so unbelievably much it seems irrelevant who earns what, to be honest.

@SuchAScaredMumma With the OP’s income though, putting everything into a joint account doesn’t make sense though, it would just sit there doing nothing.

As this income level is new to her, she should probably seek some financial advice and start an investment portfolio. Find out what she can invest for her child’s future, see whether she can top up her DH’s pension, etc.

Exactly.
I'll tell you what you can do with that vast amount of money, donate at least 200k a year to charity. There are people starving and living on the street while you earn this grotesque amount of money, what on earth do you do with it all??

What options could I suggest to make it seem fair that we adjust our lifestyle a little bit if reasonably affordable at household income level without making him feel bad about himself (I am proud of his career and he does have an important job) please?

You signed a partnership agreement when you married. For better or worse, from this day forward. You are a team are you not?

Then act like a team. Pool your financial resources and use your currencies to make and build your lives together. You bring different things to the table, regardless of your earnings powers. Focus on those.

The law agrees with me.

Ffs. Boo hoo, how will you make ends meet? You probably don’t know where your next meal is coming from. Have you the slightest idea of how most people in this country struggle every week and month. Next time just post a redacted copy of your bank statement so we can all see how fantastic you are.

500k???? Ltb and marry me!

Not at all jealous or bitter. I'm also not stupid/self absorbed enough to post things like this when I know so many people are struggling.

There was no need at all for the OP to mention the amounts if she was genuinely just posting about how to deal with her DH struggling with her earning more than him

What the heck are you quibbling over if he's earning £70k and you're on £500k. Between you in your marriage, you're earning more in a year than most families hope to earn in 15 years.

Ffs, life's just way too short.

Money’s a funny thing. I come from a very wealthy family and had a flat bought for me without a mortgage in London 5 years before I met my DH. This is as well as having had investments put in my name and money now being passed over as my parents are aging.

My husband and I run a business (I created it, DH had a highly paid job elsewhere until it made more sense financially for him to join me). I do really I expect the business to fund our lifestyle including 3 kids at private school as well as a strong saving schedule and that DH is a full part of making that happen. This is even though we have the back up that means our kids would never have to come out of the school etc if things did go spectacularly wrong, and obvs that would always be a priority over anything else. However, I would loathe it if he copped out and just thought we could use what was given to me to fund life. I never have thought like that. Why should he?!

Don’t you have any imagination? You do know she pays enough tax to be supporting many of the people on MN, right?

3 points from me:

-you need to tell us the whole journey to reach that salary! Incredible

-your salary is significantly higher than his so 50/50 does not work. You earn 8.5x more than he does. It’s just not comparable.

-you’re placing too much thought into this. Why do you need permission from him to pay for holidays or to contribute more? What would happen if you just increased the amount of your regular payments into the joint account? Or if you send a large lump sum? Would he really refuse to use that account to pay bills? Would the world end?

@0sci You do realize that her marginal tax rate will be close to 50%, plus NI contributions.

If this is sales commission, she isn’t earning this amount every year. You sound as if you want to punish her for being very good at her job.

No I just want to live in a fairer society.

A fairer society where there aren't some people earning so much they can buy two houses a year while others don't have enough to eat

And not because they don't work but because they work full time and take home 1500 and their rent is 1100

Oh no, the tedious "give it to charity" and "tiny violin" comments. MN really hates high earners, and especially women who are high earners.

@Osci
I'll tell you what you can do with that vast amount of money, donate at least 200k a year to charity. There are people starving and living on the street while you earn this grotesque amount of money, what on earth do you do with it all??
Do you really want to know or are you happier living in the bitter bubble.

Our property costs about £250k a year. That's all the regular stuff plus a full time gardener and housekeeper as we have a big property.

The tennis court needs resurfacing and the pool house needs an overhaul but as this will all add up to around £45k we are not able to do it right now.

School fees for 4 were around £50k each per year. That's £150k if you are struggling with the maths.

These are net sums so earning had to be around 40% more to cover these.

Are these luxuries? Of course they are. Im sorry you can't imagine this life. It doesn't seem extreme to me when around me are people earning multiples if what we do.

Because they didn't have all the privilege that these people have

@0sci Yes, that’s why she’s taxed at such a high marginal rate-over £200K in taxes will go into the communal pot.

Of course she could make charitable contributions as well.

*Do you really want to know or are you happier living in the bitter bubble.

Our property costs about £250k a year. That's all the regular stuff plus a full time gardener and housekeeper as we have a big property.

The tennis court needs resurfacing and the pool house needs an overhaul but as this will all add up to around £45k we are not able to do it right now.

School fees for 4 were around £50k each per year. That's £150k if you are struggling with the maths.

These are net sums so earning had to be around 40% more to cover these.

Are these luxuries? Of course they are. Im sorry you can't imagine this life. It doesn't seem extreme to me when around me are people earning multiples if what we do.*

🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂

School fees for 4 were around £50k each per year. That's £150k if you are struggling with the maths.

I’m struggling with ^ this maths 😄

OP some schools allow you to pre pay fees, I also have a high sales income. My colleague negotiated a 40% discount to pre pay 5 years. In your shoes I would do that. Also a good accountant will be able to offset fees somewhat

"DH, I don't earn £600k a year to sit here penny pinching, going without holidays and faffing about with school league tables. In case you hadn't noticed, I earn more than most people ever dream of. We can go on holiday every month if we want and it would barely touch the sides. So pack your speedos, put a smile on it and thank your lucky stars that you're married to me!"

If you think you might have to go private and your income is not guaranteed then bank 500k from your last 2 year’s income so if it comes to it you’ve got 2 x secondary school fees covered. (You don’t say how many kids you have).

I think it’s appalling how posters lack comprehension when reading OPs.