Wife is the higher earner

[Notsureanymorepri]

Husband has a decent salary (£70k gross), in the last 2 years my income has grown to 500-600k (mainly due to variable compensation) from around 110-130k. we have always split all expenses 50-50 and kept our finances separated. we have a relatively frugal lifestyle. No debt, mortgage paid off. The cost of nursery where we live in London is £2.4K/month for our only child and due to brexit he may have lost 10 years of pension contributions abroad so is in catch up mode and I agree this is a priority. he now feels under financial pressure at the prospect of booking holidays and did not sleep for days when we found out that the results of the state school we were aiming for have plummeted and we MAY need to consider private as an option in 2 years…i have spoken about me paying for the holidays or me contributing more to the joint account but he doesn’t seem keen. What options could I suggest to make it seem fair that we adjust our lifestyle a little bit if reasonably affordable at household income level without making him feel bad about himself (I am proud of his career and he does have an important job) please?

If he wants things to be equal, and given you have no mortgage, why don't you split normal living expenses 50/50 (nursery costs, food, bills etc), and you take responsibility for holidays, school fees and any non-essential extras?

In a similar position here (although my salary isn't as much as yours) - we contribute on a proportionate basis to living expenses based on salary, but I tend to pay for extras like holidays.

A proportionate split is what is fair here.

You are married. You literally signed a contract to join your assets. In this case, that should work well since he clearly isn't trying to sponge off you, you both work hard and both have a similar attitude to money. Put all your money in one pot is clearly the answer

Divorce your husband, OP. I'LL marry you. Happy to let you take care of all the holiday bookings. 🏝

Whats the need to struggle on a family income of at least £570k a year? Wouldn't the advise of mumsnet usually be that it is family money and should go into a joint pot?
If you should easily be able to afford private school fees for one child if you are living frugally and have that income!!!!

Put it all on a joint account. And both have equal personal money.

Honestly, shit like this is weird. I am a high earner. I wasn’t so much when I was married. But we shared everything and got the same out. When I divorced him, I never wanted to share my income and assets with anyone but my kids. So I just didn’t get married again.

It’s so weird to me that people marry an and one has large amounts of money and the other doesn’t and expects them to pay 50% of bills. Why did you ever marry in the first place if you want a half in and half out arrangement?

Tons of money available and one is stressed about money? It’s ridiculous.

Saying that, I think there’s potential this post has been put up to prove some sort of point.

DH needs to think about his privileged position, firstly to be earning 70k and secondly to have a partner with an income like yours
If what's keeping him up at night is private school fees then he's very privileged indeed

What does he expect you to do with all that money? Spend it on hugely expensive clothes and car for yourself? Save it so that when you retire you can travel the world without him? Save it so you have more money when you die?

There's no point in having that money if you can't share it with him. That might mean putting a larger share into general family finances, or paying for private education.

If you just go on not having things he can't afford to go 50:50 on, then that money is just wasted until it's inherited. Your kid(s) might benefit more from the expenditure now. And he might feel more embarrassed that they inherit so much from you only.

If he really won't bend, perhaps give the surplus to charity!

He's a better spouse than me! I'd have spent the day browsing the latest Patek models!

You should each have a private account and a joint account.

You both put 50% of your income into the joint account and pay all joint expenses from there.

It should be based on a percentage of your wages, not simply 50:50.

Why such nasty responses on here?

Why are people so bitter that some people earn really well?

They can still have problems

Sorry is this a joke? You earn half a mill and you're splitting bills 50:50, ridiculous.
You must know that's not a good financial relationship. Either pool everything or do a percentage split which is what a lot of couples who don't want to pool earnings do. We've always pooled our money from the outset even when there was a period one of us wasn't working or one of us earned significantly more than the other.
The fact you have so much money coming in but your DH is worrying about money is ridiculous. You both need a reality check for different reasons.

Why have you only "spoken of" you contributing more. Why haven't you just done so, seeing as you earn more than five times as much. I am absolutely incredulous that you are wondering what the options are. It's really not that hard.

Wowser. Wonder what you do for a salary like that.

If I earned what you do, my DH would be over the moon. We have separate accounts but all our money is our money. It's not about who earns it when you're a family. It's about what to do with it to best benefit the family.

Just suggest proportionate contributions to both household expenses and extras like holidays and schooling.

Even proportionate contributions are a bit silly at this level of salary though. I earn about 200k a year and DH earns about a tenth of that. I just pay for everything tbh and DH’s salary mostly gets saved.

This is absolutely mental. If your husband objects to you paying more then why? Is he incredibly sexist?

I earn about 8x my husband and like pps we contribute proportionally to a joint account from which all joint expenses come from. We each have a similar amount of spending money left over for ourselves.

The only reason not to do this (provided you are married) is if there is some a deep lack of trust (in which case why are you still married).

Pro rata is the way to go, plus he needs to allow you to pay for extras for the family, instead of letting his pride get in the way.

I’m guessing that you’re on a base salary plus bonuses so you can say that you want to treat the family to a holiday out of your bonus- point out that bonuses may not be that large every year either!

Re. School fees. If you feel that this is the right option for your child, set aside some money in a separate account and if he can contribute something to it, great; if not, you’ll cover the fees. In our household, I was able to put aside money for DD’s (18) university tuition and DH put some in as and when he could.

It’s positive that your DH doesn’t view your money as his and want to waste it-but you’re also a household and a family, you work together to do what’s best for everyone.

Why don't you suggest taking school fees out of the equation? View the extra money as a windfall of sorts, becasue although hopefully it will continue but there are no guarantees if it's due to variable income. So put aside £200k or so in separate pot and use it only to pay the school fees.

Ahahahaha 🤣

Amalgamate your finances. Job done.

I have never come across a family set up where joint finances are not applied in such a situation. I advise wealthy clients.

Put it all in a joint account and share the total household income equally between you.

😂😂

Got to be an AI post The OP. It's far too MN 101.