Wife is the higher earner

[Notsureanymorepri]

Husband has a decent salary (£70k gross), in the last 2 years my income has grown to 500-600k (mainly due to variable compensation) from around 110-130k. we have always split all expenses 50-50 and kept our finances separated. we have a relatively frugal lifestyle. No debt, mortgage paid off. The cost of nursery where we live in London is £2.4K/month for our only child and due to brexit he may have lost 10 years of pension contributions abroad so is in catch up mode and I agree this is a priority. he now feels under financial pressure at the prospect of booking holidays and did not sleep for days when we found out that the results of the state school we were aiming for have plummeted and we MAY need to consider private as an option in 2 years…i have spoken about me paying for the holidays or me contributing more to the joint account but he doesn’t seem keen. What options could I suggest to make it seem fair that we adjust our lifestyle a little bit if reasonably affordable at household income level without making him feel bad about himself (I am proud of his career and he does have an important job) please?

It is patently insane that a family with an income of £670k would live as if they had an income of £140k, which is what your husband is asking you to do, as what you spend will be limited by never exceeding what he can spend. I wonder if you put it that way what he would say.

Furthermore, as others have pointed out, what does he actually expect you to do with all the millions you can't spend because he can't afford to match you? Would he rather you spent it on frivolous things for yourself rather than shared things for the family? Or that you invest it all, and therefore actually end up with even MORE excess cash...which only makes the situation worse? Maybe you could take the approach of gaming this out with him to see what an illogical conclusion it leads to.

You need a sit down & have a firm & frank talk about family & finances. It makes him no less of a man that you earn more & frankly he needs to get over himself. I earn more than twice my DH salary. Always have, he has no macho idea of him been breadwinner. We knew from the get go this would always be the same & if we were going to get anywhere, it would be off my career. I also sort household finances. We pro rata the bills, savings, etc, spreadsheet sorts it all out. Both have the same amount of splash cash each month. We are one unit & pull together. Now married 30 years, hasn't always been easy, but we are in the main very happy.

You live a frugal life and you earn all that money. What's the point?

I have an idea give it to me I know exactly how I can spend it and make all my family happy. You've paid your mortgage off so no worries of homelessness. What memories are you building with your husband and only child. Shrouds have no pockets when you're old what will you look back on.

You've done really well why continue to live like you're broke it makes no sense.

Saucer of milk for sparepants....!

One pot of money, everything goes from there.

Why wouldn't you?

You're married.

Typo. Fees for 3. Not 4 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP, I think the pro-rata way is reasonable.
And also telling your husband to grow UP is reasonable. He could be married to someone making him destitute. Here you are making it rain.

Off topic but - how do I get on the ladder of earning half a mill? Even half a half a mill?

Because I'm not insensitive to the fact that the majority of MNers are struggling financially right now? As I've already said, the OP could have easily posted the problem without mentioning the amounts of money.

And I'm not bitter or twisted. My DH is a high earner. I just wouldn't mention the amount he earns on here as its insensitive and upsetting for people who are working their asses off for minimum wage with no chance of bettering that

Majority? Not likely given the demographic.

Typo. Fees for 3. Not 4 🤦🏻‍♀️

Slightly embarrassing when you were trying to imply that I was the one lacking intelligence

Brilliant 🤣

@Osci yes yes. Typos indicate a lack of intelligence 🙄

Money doesn’t buy…maths skills.

And you decide to patronise these poor people by speaking for them! OK, you know best.

Squigglygiggly oh yes sorry, silly thick me

This is weird. I earn a load more than my husband and we don't even think about who is paying for what or paying more. It's household money.

Why on earth don't you just pool your money? Why on earth would anyone in a couple with a joint income of £570,000 ever be worried about money? I think you both just need to loosen up.

Thank you I forgive you 😉

Oh right. So you life a privileged life too as your H is a higher earner? You’ve just undermined yourself and gone from equal rights crusader to a patronising “I’ll help the little people” 😂

This!

You could also fund his pension.

The tennis court needs resurfacing and the pool house needs an overhaul

Are these real people's problems? 😲
The mind boggles 🤯

This is the fairest way to do things I think. It's mad that one partner earns so much more and yet you still split things down the middle. It's definitely not a true partnership, you do not share the load.

No, I really don’t think they are a real person’s problems.

@Osci seriously though I do think people don't understand money at all. There is a huge misunderstanding about wealth. Living in London and the SE automatically means housing is high in value. Yes there is low cost housing in the area but people living in other areas of the country could be living a VERY similar lifestyle on a 10th of the income. You wouldn't hate on them even though our lifestyles would be similar. You could buy a castle with hectares of land for what our albeit generously sized house is worth.

How people come into money varies enormously too. Person A may have been left £100 million in inheritance. Person B could be a ruthless and immoral fraudster. Person C might be an ASD genius who developed software that has made them hundreds of millions. Some people take from everyone. Others have massive philanthropic enterprises. Having money does not make people evil.

I'd suggest a prorata approach to paying bills. Say he pays 20% and you pay 80% then you both pay for additional expenses together (again pro rata)

If I'm honest, I would say that DH should keep his total salary, and your salary should pay for literally everything else.