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AIBU?

To ask how many of your friends you think are ‘Ride or die’ friends

174 replies

Girlsgirlsgirls123 · 06/01/2024 12:18

I saw a thread a while ago about the idea that most friendships are just ‘situational’ in which you’ll be friends with people out of ease (live in the same area, go to the same school, same job etc). Furthermore, my elderly dad (in the context of someone becoming unwell so moving back to their hometown) said that he found that a lot of the time ‘friends’ tend to evaporate in times of crisis. This got me thinking how many of your friends would you say are ‘ride or die’ friends who would stick by you through thick and thin and wouldn’t just evaporate when things got hard? 

OP posts:
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Achoo2 · 06/01/2024 23:24

3

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PurpleSky300 · 06/01/2024 23:26

I would have said 2, maybe a year ago? Now, none. I've found that friends don't just evaporate when things get hard - they evaporate when things are going well for them, they naturally prioritise their own lives and their family is their 'ride or die', friends just don't come into it.

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theduchessofspork · 06/01/2024 23:28

lunaticfringer · 06/01/2024 13:36

I have about 4 truly good friends but the most I ask of them is that they are a listening ear, and I do the same for them. I wouldn't ask any friend to visit me in hospital, help me move house, bring shopping etc. that's what family is for.

My friends have done all these things for me and me for them (and not just the ride or die ones)

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Oscarlimadelta1 · 06/01/2024 23:33

Two

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PurpleSky300 · 06/01/2024 23:35

OhGetFucked · 06/01/2024 20:43

This time last year I'd have said three.

Things happened. And now I'd say none.

They're fine, but people just let you down don't they? I find it really very sad, and lonely.

Exactly this. And maybe they don't mean to let you down and don't even realise they're doing it, but... yeah.

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minsmum · 06/01/2024 23:47

I also found out a few years ago that my family don't have my back either, when something happened they , my siblings, betrayed me because they thought I would forgive and forget as I have in the past. However this time I haven't much to their shock

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LadyLolaRuben · 07/01/2024 00:10

OK to bury a body type situation - 6 would support.

Of those 2 would kill with me and bury the body.

Another 2 would want to know to support and give advice but not get directly involved so they never got into trouble and claimed they lnew nothing.

Another 2 wouldn't want to know until after the event - too honest but, would get me out of any trouble as much as they could.

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Ottersfortea · 07/01/2024 00:14

None - but I know there’s a few people who if they rang me now I’d walk over hot coals to do what I could to help them. A couple of them I’ve not spoken to for a long time.

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Joeslaol19 · 07/01/2024 00:16

10-12 in a crisis . Am certain that at least 8 would support my children forever if I died suddenly. Feel very fortunate to have so many good friends that I have known for a long time .

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SweetFemaleAttitude · 07/01/2024 00:16

None of my friends. But not because I don't trust them, but ride or die implies they would do anything for you.

My friends all have kids and I wouldn't expect them to ride or die for me.

Who I do know would be my ride or die would be my siblings and my DH. Who are my real best friends.

I would include my mum too.

I am also their ride or die.

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FatFemale · 07/01/2024 00:20

When my parents died, its true, you realise who your friends are. Who checks in on you/ pop into see you. Id like to think im that friend to a lot of my friends. However i have two really close friends and although they text to see how i was occasionally, i realised they didn’t care much. It hurts but i try to be a great friend to people despite this

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Daddysgirl47 · 07/01/2024 00:37

I’ve got three friends and one cousin that are truly amazing and have helped me through the most awful times in my life. They’ve helped me with things like arranging a parent’s funeral and calling hospitals for me to see to my own health. Along with my husband and parents(when I had them), they have been my therapy.

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Tbry24 · 07/01/2024 00:37

I thought one but then discovered it was none.

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Dancerprancer19 · 07/01/2024 00:41

One or two emotionally and loyalty wise, but they wouldn’t and I wouldn’t expect them to drop their own families to come and help except in a dire acute crisis.
I agree that most friends are situational. I enjoy spending time with them but I wouldn’t expect much from them.
Like most people though I’ve had one or two life altering betrayals by friends so I’m not especially trusting!

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Orangeandgold · 07/01/2024 00:54

Hmm none of my friends. I’d say family would be though.

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Passingthethyme · 07/01/2024 01:14

Surely no one would really be your ride or die, this literally means they would die for you. Most of my family have other people they love and care about so I wouldn't want to put them in that position. But having non-judgemental friends who would support you no matter what you did? Having an affair, getting addicted to something, maybe even some kind of non-harmful crime etc I think I have several, as well as family of course. Blood is thicker than water.

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TheZoehan · 07/01/2024 01:21

PurpleSky300 · 06/01/2024 23:26

I would have said 2, maybe a year ago? Now, none. I've found that friends don't just evaporate when things get hard - they evaporate when things are going well for them, they naturally prioritise their own lives and their family is their 'ride or die', friends just don't come into it.

That's a fair point tbf. It's easy to label people as bad friends for not wanting to get involved but really for most people their kids will always come first.

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DontBeAPrickDarren · 07/01/2024 02:34

4, all part of the same circle, friends for almost 30 years. I live the furthest away and miss not having a friend I can go meet for coffee or something. Never quite made the connection with others post-school years.

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Anahenzaris · 07/01/2024 03:01

I don’t think it’s a helpful (or healthy) way to look at things.

All friendships have their limits - and friends do come and go through different stages of your life. That doesn’t mean they are better or worse friends, it’s just reality that relationships take effort and if the easy connections disappear it is harder to maintain. Or as your life circumstances change the things that kept you close are replaced by other things.

And when things go wrong, the support other can provide isn’t just a function of your relationship - it’s everything else in their lives as well! Live 2 doors down I could cook dinner for you most nights, put the bins out, and mow your lawn for a month or two. Live two countries over and I can post funny memes. Live in a large house I could probably come stay a couple weeks to help out, live in a studio and well that isn’t practical.

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DeeCeeCherry · 07/01/2024 03:27

3 of my friends, definitely. Aside from them its my DCs, DP and DB.

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Beseeingu · 07/01/2024 03:34

No 1 my dh and kids!
No 2 my brother
No 3 my two best friends.

All of them you could call at 2am and they would do whatever they could to help. And in fact have!

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Morewineplease10 · 07/01/2024 04:11

4 or 5. Feel very lucky to have them in my life.

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Indiseven · 07/01/2024 05:13

Several trusted and proven friends but only one ‘ride or die’.

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Newchapterbeckons · 07/01/2024 07:19

Anahenzaris · 07/01/2024 03:01

I don’t think it’s a helpful (or healthy) way to look at things.

All friendships have their limits - and friends do come and go through different stages of your life. That doesn’t mean they are better or worse friends, it’s just reality that relationships take effort and if the easy connections disappear it is harder to maintain. Or as your life circumstances change the things that kept you close are replaced by other things.

And when things go wrong, the support other can provide isn’t just a function of your relationship - it’s everything else in their lives as well! Live 2 doors down I could cook dinner for you most nights, put the bins out, and mow your lawn for a month or two. Live two countries over and I can post funny memes. Live in a large house I could probably come stay a couple weeks to help out, live in a studio and well that isn’t practical.

It’s extremely helpful in my experience. Having meaningful friendships when the shit hits the fan is paramount to some if they do not have a safety net in the form of close family - or even if they do. Parents are not around forever.

Investing in a friendship that is the ‘all weathers’ kind is not an indulgent option for some but is the bedrock of security and in moments of crisis, a necessity.

In order to choose wisely how we spend our time, which is a limited resource it’s important to know if they are going to be the kind of friend that will selflessly put their own lives to one side for a short time to be there for you - in whatever form that takes.

Its very healthy to make wise, considered decisions regarding those that are closest to you. Proven trusted friends that step up for you are invaluable.

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Sceptical123 · 07/01/2024 07:36

What’s sad in my situation is that my DM is like that with a lot of her friends, some she’s only known for a matter of weeks or months but not me. She moved hundreds of miles away while I was pregnant with my first DC and I have faced multiple tragedies and crises over the last few years and it has been up to me to suggest to her that maybe it would be a nice thing to offer to visit, for a show of support if nothing else. I feel sad that I have to essentially guilt-trip her into prioritising me. I’m her only DD.

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