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AIBU?

To ask how many of your friends you think are ‘Ride or die’ friends

174 replies

Girlsgirlsgirls123 · 06/01/2024 12:18

I saw a thread a while ago about the idea that most friendships are just ‘situational’ in which you’ll be friends with people out of ease (live in the same area, go to the same school, same job etc). Furthermore, my elderly dad (in the context of someone becoming unwell so moving back to their hometown) said that he found that a lot of the time ‘friends’ tend to evaporate in times of crisis. This got me thinking how many of your friends would you say are ‘ride or die’ friends who would stick by you through thick and thin and wouldn’t just evaporate when things got hard? 

OP posts:
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Oneeno · 06/01/2024 18:16

6 and I realise how lucky I am

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LindorDoubleChoc · 06/01/2024 18:18

YABU

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CeeceeBloomingdale · 06/01/2024 18:22

Three probably as i have supported them through some dark things and feel they would reciprocate.

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Newusernameforthiss · 06/01/2024 18:22

Five, but I got married late and relied on female friendships for emotional support for support for a long time. Love my girlieeeeeeeees

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BubbleBubbleBubbleBubblePop · 06/01/2024 18:23

One.

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minsmum · 06/01/2024 18:32

None when my dad died the friends I had disappeared and the same happened when my mum died recently.

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Kittythecutest · 06/01/2024 18:33

I find it hard to answer questions like this. In terms of tragic things happening, I have friends I trust would, and have, stuck by me (and I them) through bereavement, illness, traumatic events, etc.

But ‘ride or die’ suggests something more dramatic like lie to the police for. I don’t think I’d do that for anyone if they were guilty, though I see the world and right and wrong in quite a black and white way.

To be honest though, my family and husband are the ones who I know would stick with me through absolutely everything.

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AllProperTeaIsTheft · 06/01/2024 18:42

None. Not because I have any experience of them being flaky or fairweather friends. Just because I don't really have any super-close friends. It's family I feel that way about.

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AceofPentacles · 06/01/2024 18:50

I have six friends I've hung out with for 30 years. When the shit hits the fan (which it did 13 years ago) 0 were there for me. I'm the giver not the receiver of help.

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Planesmistakenforstars · 06/01/2024 19:39

It depends on the situation and what support. If I was horribly ill, bereaved or something else where food was dropped round, people checked in to offer emotional support? Then lots. If I needed to bury a body? I think 2, but haven't tested that. If I sent a bat signal that I just needed someone in an emergency, no questions asked, then 2-5. But 1 always without question, and that's all that's needed.

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Roguebludger · 06/01/2024 19:45

1, would help me dispose of the body and create the new identity documents.

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Astonetogo · 06/01/2024 19:46

Depends what you mean by ‘be there’.

If you mean come round at the drop of a hat day after day and listen to me while I weep and wail - None.

If you mean keep in touch via Whatsapp, ask me if there’s anything they can do to help, invite me over for dinner now and then, not be pissed off if I go a bit withdrawn and still be there to pick up the friendship in a couple of years… about 5.

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Shergill15 · 06/01/2024 19:55

I'd say 4 I think. Two are (almost) lifelong friends and are more like family really. The other two interestingly started as situational friends - one is a former work colleague and one I met as our daughters were at the same nursery.

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Pixilicious1 · 06/01/2024 20:04
  1. I thought I had 5 but 1 shocked me by letting me down this week
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MrsDilligaf · 06/01/2024 20:05

Two friends who I could call at 3am and they would be here in a shot.

I've got a few good friends, but those two... I'd bail them out, move mountains for them, and along with DH they are my family.

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coldcallerbaiter · 06/01/2024 20:19

None. I thought a couple were, and I would have done alot and did do for them too. Both disappointed me when I needed extra help. I now keep it light with them and would not stretch myself at all. I see them at my convenience and routinely say no to them over meeting up when it suits them.

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TheZoehan · 06/01/2024 20:23

I think it's contextual. I've got friends that know me well and would be great at offering emotional support (although I tend to keep my feelings suppressed) but others who would help me in different ways.

I remember years ago being out for my best mate's birthday party (room rented at a pub) and a couple guys gatecrashed and were being pricks. I mentioned it to one of my Thai boxing mates who I was talking to on whatsapp. Next thing five of the girls I train with turned up and turfed them out. One of the guys got a bit lairy and ended up with a split lip. That elbow shut him right up. 😂

Unbeknowst to me the girls had been training together at our gym (10-15 mins away) and had come straight down. None of my old time mates would've backed me up like that but you have some groups where the bond is almost tribal, cheesy as that sounds.

It's kinda like how you can work with somebody for two years and sometimes know them better than a friend of a decade because you spend so many hours with them and see them through both good and bad times (because it's harder to avoid going to work than it is to make excuses and cancel social events when not in the mood). Similarly, spending a few years sparring with somebody, giving each other the occasional bloody nose/black eye etc creates a bond in a way that's hard to describe. You bond without all the pretence and superficial shit present in many social dynamics.

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Newchapterbeckons · 06/01/2024 20:25

Unless it’s properly tested it is a total unknown. It’s comforting to imagine all will be there, the reality is vastly different. Some people step up, some step away. Some step up for the wrong reasons.

The question is also how far you are willing to go to be there for them too?

I had a huge circle of friends and realised this is counter productive if you genuinely want to cultivate relationships that are going to see you through the dark atages, and more importantly to have time to be there for others. Be careful how you use your time, who you invest in and how you do it… that’s what l have learnt ( the hard way of course)

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teaandtoastwithmarmite · 06/01/2024 20:27

I like to think 4 and one has been there for me but the one I thought would always be there betrayed me so I couldn't take it for granted ever again

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OhGetFucked · 06/01/2024 20:43

This time last year I'd have said three.

Things happened. And now I'd say none.

They're fine, but people just let you down don't they? I find it really very sad, and lonely.

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Spendonsend · 06/01/2024 20:56

I find people give the help they can give, not the help you need.
I have a couple of friends that are like famiky but most are situational.

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Newchapterbeckons · 06/01/2024 21:00

Most friends are situational, the ones that are lifers may feel intend to be there but are dealing quietly perhaps with their own problems and trauma, or your situation triggers their stuff. They may not mean to let anyone down. In my experience. Just out of the depth/ have no experience or simply have no idea how to help, but those that simply become ‘busy’ are never worth your time or energy.

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Trinity69 · 06/01/2024 21:02

At least 1…maybe as many as 3, but I wouldn’t stake my life on it.

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steff13 · 06/01/2024 21:02

There are eight people in my life if I committed a heinous crime would help me cover it up and not wrap me out. Two of those are my brother and sister-in-law though, the rest are friends.

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Newchapterbeckons · 06/01/2024 21:03

This thread is refreshingly honest.

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