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AIBU?

To ask how many of your friends you think are ‘Ride or die’ friends

174 replies

Girlsgirlsgirls123 · 06/01/2024 12:18

I saw a thread a while ago about the idea that most friendships are just ‘situational’ in which you’ll be friends with people out of ease (live in the same area, go to the same school, same job etc). Furthermore, my elderly dad (in the context of someone becoming unwell so moving back to their hometown) said that he found that a lot of the time ‘friends’ tend to evaporate in times of crisis. This got me thinking how many of your friends would you say are ‘ride or die’ friends who would stick by you through thick and thin and wouldn’t just evaporate when things got hard? 

OP posts:
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CharlotteRumpling · 06/01/2024 12:39
  1. But they aren't near me.
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Toottooot · 06/01/2024 12:39

Are your ‘ride or dies’ also friends you describe as your ‘day ones?’

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CostedStrikeRate · 06/01/2024 12:40

2 or 3 I think. They all live about 70 miles away

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BingoMarieHeeler · 06/01/2024 12:40

2 but 1 is a relative. Not sure which of my friends is the second one, but hopefully one of them would. Plus DH.

I never understand that phrase. Ride where??

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Danceswithfraggles · 06/01/2024 12:41

None unfortunately. Even family are a bit flakey.
DH as cheesy as it sounds has been like a rock, there through thick and thin.

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Blinkityblonk · 06/01/2024 12:44

I have put my friends through a lot. I'd say 75% of them were there, some drifted off and a couple actively avoided me.

I was amazed how many people were there for me, in very real ways, like delivering food, lifts, emotional support.

If I was involved in anything illegal or dodgy, I'm guessing about 2 or 3 friends, my best friend for sure, and a couple of others, plus my mum would have my back, so would my kids. I would lie for them and they would lie for me.

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EmmaStone · 06/01/2024 12:44

I think I have quite a few from different areas of my life who would support me in different ways.

It also got me thinking - if any of my friends needed me, I'd do my utmost to be there for them, but I might not always know what that looks like. Sadly I've had several local friends who've suffered serious illness or unexpected bereavements themselves, and I never know how often I should be reaching out or for how long - I've had a few say they've appreciated just having a chat about something else. As a community I wonder if it can initially be a bit too much - constant bringing over of meals (2 friends telling me they didn't have anywhere to store it all) etc.

But on the whole, I think I'm an ok friend - I'm lucky to have picked up many over the different phases of my life so far and keep up with several.

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User1775 · 06/01/2024 12:44

1, well 2 but one is so far away it's a challenge. But my bff has repeatedly proved she is always there for me, every single time. And I don't have to ask, she just is.

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DojaPhat · 06/01/2024 13:00

Toottooot · 06/01/2024 12:39

Are your ‘ride or dies’ also friends you describe as your ‘day ones?’

This is an interesting thought. None of my ride or dies are 'day to day' friends. I think that's in part what makes them ride or die because our lives have gone in different directions (2 of my 3 live abroad), but I'd be able to depend on them in almost every situation I can think of.

All that said, I don't think it's good to have too many ride or dies because so inherent to being ride or die is knowing someone very well and it's generally not a good thing that everyone from Sue at number 7 to Jennifer and Bob and number 177 know everything about your life!

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Hipnotised · 06/01/2024 13:17

I have at least ten ride or die friends I met from school, various workplaces and being a parent.

All of them have been utterly invaluable throughout my life. Some of us now live in different areas of the UK but we'd drop anything for each other.

DH is also lovely.

I too feel very blessed.

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Morwenscapacioussleeves · 06/01/2024 13:30

Zero, Only DH

Although weirdly my MIL who I wouldn't describe as a friend really, we have nothing in common but I love her, probably would be there. She's all about her very interconnected family & she counts me as family so would ride or die (she'd be FA actual use 😂 but would have some very dodgy connections via her brothers - someone "useful/handy" always owes one of them a favour 😳)

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seeitthroughmyeyes · 06/01/2024 13:33

Meh 1, maybe 2?

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balou85 · 06/01/2024 13:33

realistically, none.
Despite the fact I have long time friends.
Relatives: about 3, not including my adult
kids, who take it to 5.

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lunaticfringer · 06/01/2024 13:36

I have about 4 truly good friends but the most I ask of them is that they are a listening ear, and I do the same for them. I wouldn't ask any friend to visit me in hospital, help me move house, bring shopping etc. that's what family is for.

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maddening · 06/01/2024 13:39

I have 6 friends (not same friendship group) that I have known for between 23 to 35 years and they are people I could rely on and have remained friends throughout.

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maddening · 06/01/2024 13:39

I also have family

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5128gap · 06/01/2024 13:40

Four. But in different circumstances in each case. Some would be there for the emotional stuff, others wouldn't cope with that at all but would do anything practical. Some would put loyalty before ethical concerns (would help bury the body!) others' support would be more conditional. So between them I'm in good hands I think.

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FunnysInLaJardin · 06/01/2024 13:41

3 or 4 I would say. And I know this because they are always there for me and vice versa

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Raincloudsonasunnyday · 06/01/2024 13:41

I don’t see friendship in these terms at all. I have had difficult times. I had support from unexpected places, and thought no less of people who didn’t drop everything for me. They’re friends, not family.

Ride or Die is an odd choice of phrase: it comes from biker gangs in the USA who form allegiances over certain values and principles. My friendships are mostly rooted in shared history, and are maintained with people with not-polar-opposite values to me but who are interesting and fun and on my wavelength.

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DecisionFatigue · 06/01/2024 13:46

One - she literally picked me off the floor when I was at rock bottom and everyone else washed their hands of me. She spent years dedicating her time, alongside being a working mother, to making sure I was the best I could be. I have no doubt that she’d do the same again and I would absolutely do the same for her. I owe her my life and love her dearly, I am incredibly lucky.

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HardcoreLadyType · 06/01/2024 13:57

As Rich Hall says “a friend will help you move; a true friend will help you move a body.”

I don’t have any friends like that - not really of either type.

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Moveoverdarlin · 06/01/2024 13:58

0

My ride or dies are my DH, DM and DF

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CharlottePimpernel · 06/01/2024 14:02

One of them, and she did. When I was homeless, when I was put in a mental unit, when I was an addict- she was the only person who didn't abandon me.

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MintJulia · 06/01/2024 14:06

Three. Plus I'm lucky to have siblings who absolutely respond to a call for help - as do I for them.

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StampOnTheGround · 06/01/2024 14:07

4 definitely, possibly 1 more

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