To ask why the hate for boys?

[Numberttwotwo]

I know this has probably been discussed before. But I seem to come across something every day that makes me feel less worthy, someone to pity and just a bit shit.
I have 2 boys. They are kind, gentle, loving and the best of friends.
So why are my friends (really ‘good’ very longstanding friends) and strangers making comments that make me feel like this. Granted they’re comments about ‘boys’ and not MY boys.
I’ve been told (by a friend with one of each) that mums of boys won’t matter when they’re married and sons will be closer to the in laws.
I was told by a friend’s husband they HAD to find out the sex at 20 weeks because they’d have been soooo disappointed if it was a boy. (In front of my boys)
I was told yesterday (also in front of them) that my friend had been put off EVER having a boy by the behaviour of her nephew.
And this is not including all mentions of trying for a girl whenever we talk about possibly having a third.
I wish I had better ways of responding in the moment but for some reason I always bite my tongue.

YABU - boys are the worst and I pity anyone with more than one.
YANBU - the world should just parent their children and stop with the stupid comments based on nothing more than genitals

Rant over.

I have two grown up boys ~ wonderful, responsible men and I am intensely proud of them. I loved the rough and tumble of their childhood and never wished for a girl.

And yet … I am a carer for my aged parent and I don’t see them doing the same for me. Will they dress me, sit and listen to my nonsense, take me to the toilet, anticipate my needs in the same way I do for my parent? I think this is culturally why people prefer girls ~ because they see them as ‘insurance’ in the future.

And I often feel ‘second choice’ to their wives’ families/ mums. It’s just inevitable that their wives will go to their own mums first. No judgement ~ I prioritised my mum’s advice over that of my MIL.

I wouldn’t change a thing with my boys ~ I know they love me and we are very close. It’s just different and I accept that.

@Gummybear23 agree!

Well then it will die at our as more and more alternative are choosing not to share their children on social media.

Fuck them and their stupid opinions ignore and enjoy your lovely sons. 😍

I wanted girls. I’ve never really understood men or had many good ones in my life.I got girls luckily. I would never voice this stuff in public though because I know a lot of boy mums.

Is anyone interested in the issues around parenting the next generation of men?

This comes up on here quite a lot, although I’ve never experienced it in real life. In reality I do think a lot of men still want a boy and a lot of men and women want ‘one of each’.

Agree and studies have shown repeatedly (from what I’ve seen in western cultures) that both men and women often prefer their own gender.

I think the things to avoid at all costs is being derogatory about girls when defending boys. I guarantee you there will be loads of this is the replies here.

There always is and it’s ridiculous. Say negative comments about boys is bad yet say negative comments about girls in the same breath and that’s fine. One doesn’t have to put one down to raise the other up.

@Hocuspocusnonsense

What a load of nonsense people don't want girls to dress them up and put them on Instagram what a small minded view your midwife has.

Because listing a load of anti-women and girls stereotypes is definitely the best way to manage this - FFS etc

I really think these people are not your friends op. I have a boy and no one has ever said anything like that to me.

I have to say yes DS was harder as a toddler than his similar aged female cousin but I was grateful when he got to about 8 that we didn't have the drama that seems to come with some girl friendships. He played with kids he liked and that was it! My niece however had an unrelenting set of dramas that only really ended when she left school!

I could have written this. I see loads of women say they want a daughter as they'd relate better to a girl, have that special female connection etc.
I have one of each. My daughter is basically a female version of her dad, adrenaline junkie, supremely confident. My son is very much like me in every way, quiet and sensitive. I can relate much better to my son. I understand how he thinks. I know him better than I know myself. I love them both equally, I'm in awe of my daughter's confidence. However, it's wrong to imagine you'll have more of a connection to a girl simply because you share the same physiology. It's really all about personality. Stop focusing on the genitals!

I have two adult boys. They’re amazing but don’t forget: you reap what you sow xx

I have all girls and was constantly asked if I had wanted a boy. I wasn’t bothered either way but one of my daughters has now had a boy and desperately wants to have a girl second time around.

I have 2 adult lads and one adult daughter.
The males work in caring professions, my DD is an engineer. The whole thing about a son only being around until he gets a "wife" really bugs me. For a start they may be gay or happily single. It also implies that they are expected to stick around and be ever present in their parents lives.

People/parents need to take responsibility for themselves. I don't want my kids (male or female) having to stick around (esp at Christmas, God the threads on here every year about this!) to entertain me. I've always made it very clear to them that they are free to go and live their own lives.

Girls growing up as a mini me, or mummy's best friend, have a noose around their necks.

I had no idea people felt so strongly about this issue until I was pushing my DS in his pram round a garden centre at Christmas time (he was 7 weeks old). A woman came up to me and had a little look and made all the usual noises/words ‘aww, how sweet, how old? Etc’

Because I didn’t know what I was having all his clothes/pram were neutral. So she asks ‘boy or girl?’ I tell her and literally everything changed, she pulled a disgusted face, stepped back and said ‘oh, I don’t like those’ 😯Then she walked off. I just remember standing there thinking wtf? I hope for the child’s sake she never ends up with a grandson!

I agree that negative male associations stem from personal experiences, and not every boy grows up to be a rapist, not every girl will ‘care’ for her family in older years and may be fiercely independent. Hopefully.

As women have become more powerful, educated, independent and continue to do so, we are able to say we will not facilitate oppression, violence and discrimination. I admire the women raising boys well, with this is in mind.

It’s the other way around for my sister and I. My sister and my mum are incredibly similar, lots in common and never argue while my mum and I are opposites, few things in common and argue more.

Oh I forgot to include the best comment to date;
as part of my job, I was tidying the hair of a little girl with profound and multiple learning difficulties. A colleague said to me ‘ahh don’t you wish you’d had a girl so you could do her hair’.
Of course I remained professional while thinking 1) no I don’t wish to swap one of my already born boys for a girl. 2) I’ll take my healthy child any day and know how lucky I am to have them. 3) doing my neiece’s hair is never enjoyable, she acts like she’s being tortured!

That is a such a weird thing to say. Then again when I think about it I am so glad I had boys. So loving, so caring, protective and thoughtful. So kind and hilariously funny. The worlds best huggers. Nothing is better than a full on hug from your grown up son. Love their mum to bits. Almost as much as I love them. Wouldn't trade them for a girl in a million years. I know so many women who can't stand their mum or their sisters, but very few men with similar issues.
Each to their own I guess.

Very odd to dismiss any child purely based upon their sex in my opinion. Don't listen to those sort of people. Sound like they are bitter/twisted about something trying to spread their misery onto others. Children are a blessing no matter what their sex and the relationship you will experience with them, and what sort of adult they become, as they grow will be a reflection of how you raise them.

I have three girls and constantly get asked if we are trying for a boy, was my other half disappointed to not get a son etc- this is despite my 2nd and 3rd babies being very premature due to severe pre eclampsia, both me and my babies almost dying- all we wanted was for our babies to survive and me to live so my eldest still had a mother. So I think it’s more the “ideal” is seen as having at least one boy and one girl, rather than all being the same sex if that makes sense?

I don't think this is true or fair to mums of sons. You can be the best of mums with the best of relationships with your son, but odds on the future of that relationship will be heavily influenced by your DiL, to a far greater extent than your SiL will effect your relationship with your daughter. There may be exceptions, but if your DiL is close to her family, they will be almost inevitably be prioritised over yours for contact, time with grandchildren and so on. And as long as women continue to be the primary child carer and take the lead in domestic arrangements this is unlikely to change. That families are structured along these lines is down to a whole range of societal factors, and its unfair to suggest the mother of a son who doesn't get to see him that much had somehow got it wrong.

I have one of each.
The main difference as babies: was my DD poo went everywhere - up the back of her neck. Everywhere.

As children: DD was more organised and wanted to perform well. DS was more relaxed and mainly happy climbing things he shouldn't climb.

As teenagers: DD has caused more trouble and we had to reset boundaries a few times. DS again more relaxed and didn't enjoy all the things that got his sister into trouble.

As young adults: I feel more judge by DD and get more of her opinions. She too is more organised and knows what she wants. DS is relaxed, alittle lost but very empathic and kind.

You only have to be on MN for a short time to see there are a substantial minority of women on here who think it's okay to prioritise their blood family over their husband's family in their family life. I don't think it's true in all cultures that men are socialised not to be close to their mums - other cultures, like in southern Europe or Asian cultures don't seem to have this social conditioning.

We have this mummy's boy (how offensive is that - why aren't we allowed to be close to our mums just because we are male) mentality. Men are ridiculed for wanting to spend time with their mum, ringing their mum regularly in a way that women just aren't.

Many times I've heard that ' sons are yours til they get a wife, daughters are there for life' bilge. We need to change our attitudes to men who are close to their mums.

I've got two sons and I think they will still be involved when they get married and have their families but I would be lying to say it isn't something I never worry about. Having boys as children has been great fun, I would also love to have had girls.

I agree .