To ask why the hate for boys?

[Numberttwotwo]

I know this has probably been discussed before. But I seem to come across something every day that makes me feel less worthy, someone to pity and just a bit shit.
I have 2 boys. They are kind, gentle, loving and the best of friends.
So why are my friends (really ‘good’ very longstanding friends) and strangers making comments that make me feel like this. Granted they’re comments about ‘boys’ and not MY boys.
I’ve been told (by a friend with one of each) that mums of boys won’t matter when they’re married and sons will be closer to the in laws.
I was told by a friend’s husband they HAD to find out the sex at 20 weeks because they’d have been soooo disappointed if it was a boy. (In front of my boys)
I was told yesterday (also in front of them) that my friend had been put off EVER having a boy by the behaviour of her nephew.
And this is not including all mentions of trying for a girl whenever we talk about possibly having a third.
I wish I had better ways of responding in the moment but for some reason I always bite my tongue.

YABU - boys are the worst and I pity anyone with more than one.
YANBU - the world should just parent their children and stop with the stupid comments based on nothing more than genitals

Rant over.

@CurlewKate OP is talking about her personal day to day experience and the comments her boys overhear. I'm not sure how relevant what happens hundreds of miles away is? OP is not saying her experience is universal, just that it's common in the community/society she lives in.

Couples with teens are more likely to break up if the kids are girls. Doesn’t apply to younger kids.

This 👆
People who make these ignorant comments about the sex of a child are usually ignorant dysfunctional people in my experience. I always feel sorry for their kids (no matter what sex) because I know they will be raising them in line with some stereotypical bullshit. The posters on here who “thank their lucky stars their lucky stars” they didn’t have a boy (or girl) just sound dim to me. They show their ignorance in the way they buy into stereotypes. They also show their lack of confidence in raising a child.

pity them OP.

Massive generalizations here but you do.

I know many daughters who clash and some who have no contact with their mothers.

Personality rather than gender will determine relationships.

I've had things the other way - I have 3 DC, B G G and when I was pregnant with no.3 I had a lot of comments from people assuming I was trying for another boy, and was disappointed in getting a second girl.

Boys are amazing, and girls are amazing. I would have loved another boy but an equally happy with another girl. DC2 (girl) has been much harder work in lots of ways than her siblings, I think that aspect is personality rather than sex linked.

I would never comment on the sex of someone else's child, and certainly not in a negative way, I can't understand people who do.

I find it really weird and it enrages me quite frankly.
I have one of each so no particular bias. I've had good friends tell me they cried with relief when the sonographer told them they were having a girl, another said they thank God every day they only have girls. People saying to me "Well at least you have one girl" as if there's something wrong with having a boy.
My son is in no way second best to my daughter. He's equally good in every way. He's funny, loving, affectionate and generally just great company.
When my friends (who mostly seem to be mothers of girls) start going on about how thankful they are to have girls I always step in and say something good about boys just to counteract their nonsense.

I don’t know about hate or even dislike, but I had a horrible childhood with my brother (who grew up to be a pig of a man) and desperately wanted girls. I wanted to feel close, to have a bond for life and didn’t want the violence, boisterous anger of boys/men. This is just being honest on here. I would never be rude to a friend of boys. My cousin has 4 boys and her house is ruined.

This 👆
People who make these ignorant comments about the sex of a child are usually ignorant dysfunctional people in my experience. I always feel sorry for their kids (no matter what sex) because I know they will be raising them in line with some stereotypical bullshit. The posters on here who “thank their lucky stars their lucky stars” they didn’t have a boy (or girl) just sound dim to me. They show their ignorance in the way they buy into stereotypes. They also show their lack of confidence in raising a child.

pity them OP.

This is spot on

Fuck me…. 🤦🏼‍♀️

I don't have children as it never happened for us, but I did have a preference for a girl, I can't really explain why though?

That's not to say I wouldn't have been over the moon to have a little boy, I think it's just a case of what you "imagine" your future family to look like and that idea kind of sticks with you.

One of the reasons I think I wouldn't have preferred a girl is that little boys with behavioral problems seem to get a lot more stick than girls. The "naughty boy" thing always stuck with me and from my experience, naughty little girls get cut a bit more slack.

I haven't voted as I can honestly say I've never heard such derogatory comments about boys IRL . I have one of each , and they were born before being able to tell whether they were a boy or a girl , so each one was a lovely surprise . My DS was born first and all my friends and family were thrilled for me , no nasty comments at all .

She might be generalising but it definitely rings true.

Of course they’re generalisations but would you actually argue that women are more likely to be friends with males than females?

And yes I do think women are the more caring empathetic sex and dragged into looking after elderly parents etc far more than men.

No thanks.

If you can’t see a problem with men in society you need a reality check.

Honestly I’ve never heard this opinion voiced. In some cultures boys are still favoured over girls.

It can sometimes work both ways though. We had a lot of negativity when we told people we were having a second girl. My husband's dad even used the phrase "oh what a shame!" So I do agree that some people seem to be really against having boys but OP you may have had the same comments if it was the other way round too!

In relation to your own experience

Agree and I find it weird that it is often said as a reason for not wanting daughters or women want daughters for that reason.

Also find it weird when someone says they have both genders now after their third was different and they suddenly are unsure how to parent them. If gender doesn’t really matter, and it’s down to personality, shouldn’t you be able to parent both regardless?

Try having 4 boys OP - all the “poor you” “were you trying for a girl?” “how do you cope?” comments - especially at the supermarket (what is it about the supermarket??).

As for some of the comments here about boys - they make me terrified for the future of my lovely, kind, respectful, funny, delightful teenage boys and the attitudes they’ll encounter.

I don't think hate is the right word for what you're talking about!!

I'm a mother of both sons and daughters, and I can tell you there is absolutely no difference in how you parent. My children have had all the same parenting.

I do know how disappointing it is when someone in your family only 'likes' girls. She actively ignored my boys when they were smaller, at first I wondered why but, then I realised it was due to her history and was no reflection on my boys.

My boys are teens now (15,14) and they're lovely, caring and genuinely helpful.

My DD17 is also lovely, but has been harder work which I think teen girls can be.
Truth is, people will also comment on stupid things. How many kids you have, how you dress them, how you feed them etc..

I take everything with a pinch of salt now, I smile and nod and let it pass me by. I didn't used to though, I used to worry immensely about what other people thought.

Being a Mother is a huge privilege. You won't always see eye to eye with your children but, you will always love them and them you, regardless of their gender.

I've got 3 sons, when my 3rd was a little baby weeks old, he was in hospital and one of the nurses said is he your 1st? I said no my 3rd I have 2 other sons, she said oh poor you. Really pissed me off and stuck with me. I never found out at any of my scans and had quite a few with my 3rd. When he was born I wasn't dissapointed at all I thought he was utterly beautiful and was just how I imagined he would look through my pregnancy, a full head of dark hair. I just thought you have 2 big brothers who love you. I don't get the hate, I love my boys, once my middle son had the hump about something and said you wanted a girl didn't you ! I said no absolutely not all I ever wanted was healthy happy children.

I get comments like girls are so much harder to raise etc etc . I think comments are made either way but I agree with you why should it matter just enjoy your children.