To ask why the hate for boys?

[Numberttwotwo]

I know this has probably been discussed before. But I seem to come across something every day that makes me feel less worthy, someone to pity and just a bit shit.
I have 2 boys. They are kind, gentle, loving and the best of friends.
So why are my friends (really ‘good’ very longstanding friends) and strangers making comments that make me feel like this. Granted they’re comments about ‘boys’ and not MY boys.
I’ve been told (by a friend with one of each) that mums of boys won’t matter when they’re married and sons will be closer to the in laws.
I was told by a friend’s husband they HAD to find out the sex at 20 weeks because they’d have been soooo disappointed if it was a boy. (In front of my boys)
I was told yesterday (also in front of them) that my friend had been put off EVER having a boy by the behaviour of her nephew.
And this is not including all mentions of trying for a girl whenever we talk about possibly having a third.
I wish I had better ways of responding in the moment but for some reason I always bite my tongue.

YABU - boys are the worst and I pity anyone with more than one.
YANBU - the world should just parent their children and stop with the stupid comments based on nothing more than genitals

Rant over.

The only argument I have is with your comment that nearly ALL men hate women.

I mean, I am careful walking at night, for sure. That is just common sense, and I would say I am cautious about muggers: yes, the majority of whom are men. (so are the majority of mugging victims, I believe)That is very situational, though. The drink thing I must admit I'm not so cautious about. I'm not naive enough to think that bad things don't happen, but I'm not super careful and I've never had anything bad happen yet. I would not call taking sensible precautions being 'afraid of men', so yes, when people say they are 'afraid of men' I guess that my interpretation is a little closer to your first scenario.

Out of interest, has there ever been a Mumsnet thread addressing male violence that doesn't end up being discussion of exactly what % of men are the "good guys" and how we should reassure men that we don't mean them.

Why should women who have perfectly nice Sons listen to bollocks that almost ALL men hate women?

This thread wasn't about addressing male violence in the beginning but it didn't take long for it to be derailed.

@VWCVVCWV "
Why should women who have perfectly nice Sons listen to bollocks that almost ALL men hate women?"

Because perfectly nice sons like yours and mine are damaged by crap men too. They are the victims of violence, and also they suffer vicariously from the reputation that crap men give all men. They should be able to walk down the street at night without worrying about either being attacked by other men OR about how they can avoid scaring women.

Then we shouldn't let certain posters exaggerate and tell lies which is not helping.

I agree that nice men are damaged by crap men, but how do the posters who say all men are crap help those nice men? They are just ranting and generalising, which leads to posters like me and VWCVVWV defending them (and also defending truth!) Despite our having locked horns on threads before this one, I actually think you're a pretty good egg. I think we just disagree on how to approach problems of violence.

@VWCVVCWV Well, you could just ignore the posters you think are lying and move on to address the issues. That's what I do.

@VanityDiesHard ". I think we just disagree on how to approach problems of violence."

So how do you think it should be approached?

Maybe low contact with his family is what he prefers. Is that wrong?

Honestly? I'm really not sure. I do think that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, but I also don't think that the suggestion that I have seen by some posters that men are inherently violent and entitled is helpful. It's a long time since I was at school, but I do remember that I found history was the most intruiging and also the most helpful subject because it told things how they were, rather than through an ideological lens (which is the issue with Sociology IMO and IME) I think as well that our education system is bad: the false division between liberal arts and STEM subjects should be ended (a modified version of the US system where you have to study arts and sciences at university might be no bad thing)
How would you approach them?

I've never come across this. I'm a mum of boys and the only "negative" comments I've had have been good natured and humorous about the rough and tumble and body part/function related humour. The most part, people tend to comment how boys are simpler than girls, that if they have a full tummy they're happy and they all love their mum.

I love being a boy mum. I have ideas as to what type of mother in law if life goes that way. I wouldn't anticipate "losing" them to their future in laws. The saying "give them wings to fly, roots to come back and reasons to stay".

People are stupid and tactless. About all sorts of things. Ignore it.

I was interested in this thread until it descended into madness.

If 97% ( virtually all) of road accidents were caused by men they'd be some sort of additional testing or limits on men driving. Despite it not being all male drivers.
As a women you would definitely be more wary of male drivers.

Currently its stands at 70% of casualties caused by men and generally I think both men and women would quite accurately say men are a greater risk. Not sure why there's such an protest about men in society being a risk when clearly they are.

I also bet that if women caused 97% of all road accidents we wouldn't be allowed to drive at all.

Just become lesbians?

Are you fucking serious?

Is that what you think lesbians are? Women who just hate men.

No, most lesbians are normal women who just prefer women. Most of them like men as people too.

Ah nice!

Ableist and homophobic comments.

No women don’t need to do anything you tell them.

and why would that give you the right to say this shit about lesbians? Basically invalidating them. Not really sexual preference, they just hate women.

Why is it that men have to be centred in everything. Women being attracted to women must be dependent on how the women feel about men. Being a lesbian is nothing to do with men. I get people find that upsetting because they are so used to men being invoices in everything. But really it’s fucking offensive.

Well said.