To ask why the hate for boys?

[Numberttwotwo]

I know this has probably been discussed before. But I seem to come across something every day that makes me feel less worthy, someone to pity and just a bit shit.
I have 2 boys. They are kind, gentle, loving and the best of friends.
So why are my friends (really ‘good’ very longstanding friends) and strangers making comments that make me feel like this. Granted they’re comments about ‘boys’ and not MY boys.
I’ve been told (by a friend with one of each) that mums of boys won’t matter when they’re married and sons will be closer to the in laws.
I was told by a friend’s husband they HAD to find out the sex at 20 weeks because they’d have been soooo disappointed if it was a boy. (In front of my boys)
I was told yesterday (also in front of them) that my friend had been put off EVER having a boy by the behaviour of her nephew.
And this is not including all mentions of trying for a girl whenever we talk about possibly having a third.
I wish I had better ways of responding in the moment but for some reason I always bite my tongue.

YABU - boys are the worst and I pity anyone with more than one.
YANBU - the world should just parent their children and stop with the stupid comments based on nothing more than genitals

Rant over.

I was sexually assaulted by a woman. It was very unpleasant. I am not scared of women as a result.

That is not what we were arguing about.

You said most men hate women which is not true.

TW are men otherwise they’d just be women wouldnt they

@VWCVVCWV Of course it's not all men. Using that as a reason to sweep this under the carpet is not a good idea though. Which happens so often. And which I suspect will continue to happen as long as we find the issue too difficult to look at properly.

I have a theory about the sort of woman who makes the 'not my Nigel' type of comment: they themselves have actually put up with a ridiculous amount of bullshit from their male partners in the past, and they can't bear the thought that their personal situation is not universal, so they sneer and project. It puts me in mind of the Aesop's fable about the fox who lost its tail in a trap. It goes around trying to convince all the other foxes that tails are a useless encumbrance, that they would all be much handsomer and effective without them, etc. They nearly succeed, until one young fox points out that they are just saying that becuase they lost their own tail. These women are the embittered fox.

@VanityDiesHard "I was sexually assaulted by a woman. It was very unpleasant. I am not scared of women as a result."

I am very sorry that happened to you. I suspect you would be scared of women if 90% of sexual assaults were committed by women though.

Maybe so, but I'm not sure. I will admit that I have never been assaulted by a man. Harassed, yes, but never anything physical. I don't want to say that women who have been assaulted by men shouldn't be cautious, but I think that saying (as one poster on this thread has said) that 'most men hate women' is insansely hyperbolic and not at all healthy.

@VanityDiesHard Are you disputing the 90%
statistic?

I'm not sweeping it under the carpet.

Some posters are the opposite though. How is this right?

It also adds nothing of value to the debate to counter concerns with problem behaviour that is almost exclusively carried out by men, with a chorus of NAMALT. The vast majority of us know that NAMALT but are concerned with those who are, and why, and how the problem can be addressed. Rising up in outraged defence of the men who aren't like that just diverts the focus of the discussion. The decent men in my life wouldn't expect me to be rushing to defend them in the face of a few women who have been unfortunate enough not to have encountered any good men. They understand that addressing the problems of the bad men is more important than defending the honour of the good ones.

It doesn't give some women the right to say they are lucky to have girls because they think your Son is going to grow up to be a woman hating sex offender.

I also feel sorry for Sons who are born to these women.

I agree with another poster that some women can't accept that not all women have shared their bad experiences.

No, although to be honest with you I do doubt it a little. I'm not just talking about my own experience, either. In my own life, I know quite a few people of both genders who have been assaulted by women as youngsters. It is something that isn't talked about enough IMO. But I digress: I suppose my base point is that I don't feel that fear is the most helpful response to threats of violence from any quarter. I do agree with your point about men's mental health. I just don't like demonising an entire gender.

I've seen you on many of these threads and yes you always say the bit about decent men not needing us to defend them.

No they don't but they don't appreciate certain posters saying that nearly ALL men hate women which is bollocks.

@VanityDiesHard

When we say women are scared of men, what are you picturing ?

Is it women cowering at home, peaking through their blinds, having constant nightmares, paranoid thoughts, a nervous wreck, unable to befriend or communicate with any male out of fear?

That may be the case for a very traumatised minority.

But for most it means;

Avoiding dark, isolated paths at night in case you encounter a man.

Taking precautions on dates, going familiar and very public places, watching your drink etc.

Being nervous about opening your door to a man.

Being uncomfortable being in a space with a lot of men as you know you'd have no chance if anything was to happen.

Tell me this honestly, if you picture yourself being mugged, or having your home broken into, is this imaginary figure a male...? Because I am sure that is the case for vast majority of people.

This isnt hating on men, I am everyday greatful for the men I have in my life, and the vast majority of men I encounter I have positive interactions with. But they are objectively the more dangerous gender and you have no right telling women they shouldn't be scared.

Why would decent men mind what a woman on MN who clearly has had poor experiences of men says about men when they know theyrd not like that, but othets are? Would they really be so egotistical as to take her comments as a personal sleight rather than an indication of some pretty poor experiences at the hands of other men? Would individual decent men really want to centre themselves as the victims in these discussions and make it all about their hurt feelings? Because if you think so, somewhat ironically I think its you that has an unfairly poor view of men.

Well the men I know don't go on Mumsnet and I wouldn't tell them that there are women mouthing off that most men hate women.

Stop trying to twist things to win the argument. It's laughable. I don't have a poor view of men or women just the crazy ones.

You said that men don't appreciate certain women saying that men hate them. I'm saying in my experience decent men would be understanding. If you think they wouldn't then perhaps that's down to the level of decency of the men you know. Although now you've said you've not discussed it with any men anyway, so its all rather moot.

Sorry to hear you were assaulted. The vast majority responsible for sexual assault are men though.

Why waste all those words when you could have just said NAMALT?

Well said watering

So you are a man then? Thought so.

Because I didn't want to and you can't control what other people do.

Definitely not a man.