To ask why the hate for boys?

[Numberttwotwo]

I know this has probably been discussed before. But I seem to come across something every day that makes me feel less worthy, someone to pity and just a bit shit.
I have 2 boys. They are kind, gentle, loving and the best of friends.
So why are my friends (really ‘good’ very longstanding friends) and strangers making comments that make me feel like this. Granted they’re comments about ‘boys’ and not MY boys.
I’ve been told (by a friend with one of each) that mums of boys won’t matter when they’re married and sons will be closer to the in laws.
I was told by a friend’s husband they HAD to find out the sex at 20 weeks because they’d have been soooo disappointed if it was a boy. (In front of my boys)
I was told yesterday (also in front of them) that my friend had been put off EVER having a boy by the behaviour of her nephew.
And this is not including all mentions of trying for a girl whenever we talk about possibly having a third.
I wish I had better ways of responding in the moment but for some reason I always bite my tongue.

YABU - boys are the worst and I pity anyone with more than one.
YANBU - the world should just parent their children and stop with the stupid comments based on nothing more than genitals

Rant over.

@VWCVVCWV I too have been privileged to know many lovely men and boys. All the men in my immediate family are/were lovely, apart from a couple of abusers a few generations ago on my mother's side. But I have also been sexually assaulted, and grabbed round the throat by a random man at a party, and been threatened sexually by boys at my school, followed home in the dark by men, and been in an abusive relationship with a man who threatened me with violence.
Statistics are important, because lots of women have had bad experiences with male violence, either as children or adults, and that can lead to anxiety about the possibility of having boys.
Anyway, we don't have to agree. You're free to think women who don't want male children are terrible and I'm free to find it somewhat understandable, even though I don't personally share the sentiment.

I think it's quite problematic to go in to a pregnancy with a 50% chance of having a boy if you're so afraid of boys and men. What the solution, to abort male fetuses?
We all know about the statistics and we all know that the majority of men are fine and many are more than fine. I'd hope that if someone had a baby boy all these statistics and fears would go out of the window and the maternal instinct to love and protect their child would override everything. We're all just animals at the end of the day and caring for and loving our babies is what we're here for (if we choose to have children).

YANBU.

I have one of each but I’d happily have lots of boys. My boy is the sweetest most affectionate and kind hearted little person. I don’t get it either when people either only want girls or assume others just want girls.

I'm with you OP, it makes me really mad

I don't even have a boy, I have a girl

Stupid comments like, "boys potty train later"

I think you made a wise decision, and for that you deserve credit.

Unconditional love is a prerequisite for being a (good) parent.

Some people just shouldn't be parents.

Any comments made in front of your boys need to be tackled. Why would you keep quiet? 😕

I was told by a friend’s husband they HAD to find out the sex at 20 weeks because they’d have been soooo disappointed if it was a boy. (In front of my boys)
Why didn't you say "My boys are wondeful children, and they are sitting right here" or something similar?

I was told yesterday (also in front of them) that my friend had been put off EVER having a boy by the behaviour of her nephew

Again why didn't you speak up?
"Well your nephew may be badly behaved but my two aren't as you can see given you've spent the afternoon with us"

Or just a plain old "stop with the boy hate, my boys are sitting right here"

Stick up for them!!

Having done a quick google apparently this is true (its even more pronounced in favour of boys when it's men polled).

In a non western nation where men are more valued due to cultural and socioeconomic factors, its understandable to have a preference, but in a western nation such conditions don't apply.

If some women are that scared of having Sons they probably shouldn't partner with a man and get pregnant. They are having children with one and giving their children a male parent.

My sibling has 3 boys. She's had a lot of "poor you" etc type comments.

I have twin girls and lost count of the "poor you" etc comments I've had. I do, however, always pull anyone up who makes negative comments in front of my children.

I was in a radical feminist group on Facebook which I left after so many people said that they would abort a foetus at 20 weeks if it was a boy, and other women should to because “No woman should carry her oppressor in her womb”. I’m very pro choice but the principle of wanting to breed boys out sits very uncomfortably with me.

Dear god. Radfems are truly unhinged. If I thought I was going to give birth to one, that's who I'd abort lol.

I also ditched a friend who had 2 girls, same age as my boy & girl, and she was VERY smug about being a ‘girl mum’…which is fine except her (horrible) daughters would constantly make comments to my lovely son like “Ewwww he sat on the chair, I’m not sitting on it again as it has boy germs” and would hit him with things and their mum did NOTHING. Yet when a boy pushed their DD over in the playground when they were 5, friend’s DH marched to his house to demand an apology from the boy, and laid on the ‘boys should never hit girls’ schtick. This was the same week that their youngest clonked my boy on the head with a heavy plastic sword, really hurt him and she showed absolutely no remorse, she just laughed at him.

Sadly I have found this attitude in more than one ‘girl mum’.

You are correct. I'm like the poster you responded to but in reverse. I would never want a girl but I was hardly going to risk a pregnancy and then abort a girl fetus. I am pro-choice, but not to that extent!

OMG that is disgusting.

My DM was the opposite in that she didn’t want girls. Raised in an all male household by her DF when her mother walked out and headed to Rhodesia with her boyfriend when my DM was 7. My DM had no idea what to do with a girl but she learned quickly having two of us 19 months apart. I do have a DB too almost six and half years younger than me. Even if DB had been a girl my parents would not have tried for a fourth child. There were comments from my DF family about doing it the right way though. My DB is a good man, husband and father. DB had a good role model in my DF who was away for work a lot but he made sure the time he had with us was quality time. One Friday finishing work early and coming home with water pistols for us all and of course his was the biggest.

I have a two friends one with two daughters and one with two sons. Those boys are the most well mannered and polite boys at 9 and 12 while the girls are a lot of hard work who drive their parents to distraction.

People who care about the sex of their child are not worth my time. Same goes for those gender reveal parties. What does it say about you as a person if you are "disappointed" when finding out the sex? You will just give the child a sense of inadequacy all their life life just because you "didn't get what you wanted". Might as well abort at that point, same energy.
A child is a human, not a toy. Go choose a Barbie at Argos if you are that hung up on having a boy.

Parents like that need a reality check.

I am proud to say I have managed to dodge any gender reveal invitations but I’ve seen videos on social media - the parents to be are about the pop a balloon/let off a smoke thingy (or something equally cringe) and people shouting “Boy” “Girl” and then people (sometimes the parents to be!) go “Awwww” in a disappointed way if the balloon isn’t pink or blue. It’s an embarrasing show of what a sexist society we have become, and I judge the fuck out of anyone who has one.

When people say they ‘want’ a certain sex of child and you ask them why it normally boils down to a depressing stereotype about playing football with them or going shopping and doing make up. Anyone ‘wanting’ a girl would be sorely disappointed with my DD, who wears men’s t-shirts and baggy jeans, listens to Eminem and would probably kick any make up I offered her out my hand in revulsion 🤣 I wouldn’t change her for the world. I do think these “blue Prince, pink Princess” types add to the trans idealogy because their child didn’t turn into the stereotype they wanted. It scares me to think that if my DD had another parent they’d probably try and trans her as from the moment she could express her taste to me, she’s been what we would call in t’olden days a ‘tomboy’

Gender reveal fails are honestly the hight of comedy. All this scripted and arranged "fun family get togethers" and then chaos erupts.
https://www.facebook.com/share/v/qN4F7bxVhbX8p8Fc/

This one takes the biscuit.
Also it's a GIRL throwing knifes here. Just saying.

It all boils down how you rais them. End of.

Wow poor kid. A little girl pressured to take part in a freak show about sexist stereotypes, I’d have a similar tantrum if Made to be at a gender reveal 😂

As an aide I’ve started following Red Flag Man on Instagram, he’s very funny and it all started with this video https://www.instagram.com/reel/CuAhBQKA46J/?igsh=ZXB0bW5qZnJ4dTkw

It's not boys that are the problem, more the people judging them.
The media only ever show young males in a bad light, only report the negative, none of the positive.
If l were a young male l definitely wouldn't sign up for the armed services, Navy, RAF or anything to do with defending the Uk, l certainly wouldn't sign my life away for a country that treats me like a second class citizen.

"Second class citizen"....yeah right

Is this sarcastic/a joke?

You can raise boys to respect women and others by being a strong woman with boundaries and clear consequences. You don’t need a penis to do that.

I'm a decent human being and have raised a decent male human being. But I was very conscious that males needed to be seen to be reaching their potential and not curtailed by mums worries and concerns. God forbid I was controlling or squashing his basic maleness. Whereas mums that tell give their daughters cautionary messages were applauded because it was just common sense to keep them safe.