To ask why the hate for boys?

[Numberttwotwo]

I know this has probably been discussed before. But I seem to come across something every day that makes me feel less worthy, someone to pity and just a bit shit.
I have 2 boys. They are kind, gentle, loving and the best of friends.
So why are my friends (really ‘good’ very longstanding friends) and strangers making comments that make me feel like this. Granted they’re comments about ‘boys’ and not MY boys.
I’ve been told (by a friend with one of each) that mums of boys won’t matter when they’re married and sons will be closer to the in laws.
I was told by a friend’s husband they HAD to find out the sex at 20 weeks because they’d have been soooo disappointed if it was a boy. (In front of my boys)
I was told yesterday (also in front of them) that my friend had been put off EVER having a boy by the behaviour of her nephew.
And this is not including all mentions of trying for a girl whenever we talk about possibly having a third.
I wish I had better ways of responding in the moment but for some reason I always bite my tongue.

YABU - boys are the worst and I pity anyone with more than one.
YANBU - the world should just parent their children and stop with the stupid comments based on nothing more than genitals

Rant over.

Regarding spending more time with the female partners family - How many boys have had that modelled to them?
Have they seen their dad make an effort with his family or do they only see mum taking dc to hers or mum making the effort with dads family?

My dad always made an effort with my mums family and his own. My brothers are the same and will call my mum up regularly, will visit regularly and always encourage dc to be involved with their cousins on our side of the family as well as their mums.
My dh is the same with his mum and family.

I'm hoping my boys will be the same but time will tell.

I think it goes both ways. I've got friends who only have boys, who say things like "I'm so glad I don't have girls. I'd hate all the drama and girly crap. Boys are more affectionate"
Which is obviously nonsense. I've got both, so could take offense at either view. Usually it just comes from a place of regret, that they don't have a son and/or daughter. I'd take no notice, but I wouldn't let them say these things I'm front of your sons, without challenging them. Your children are watching you and wanting you to defend them.

I wouldn't worry too much.
Your boys will end up earning more for the same work as the girls and are likely to do around 50% less housework. Lucky them.

If she’s raised them right they won’t stand for this. If male privilege means that they get to be bosses themselves they can definitely ensure that changes are made in the home and workplace.

In a nutshell! 🎯

But this is your family. My DH loves being with his mum (his dad died) and his sisters and they know every tiny detail of our lives! In comparison, despite loving my parents dearly, I spend little time with them for logistical reasons.
Plenty of men spend time with their parents - you can tell that from all the women on Mumsnet complaining about all the time they have to spend with their MILs!!
Just as you very naturally feel more comfortable with your mum, many men will naturally feel more comfortable with their own parents.

No idea. We all know who's the troublemaker in our house and it's not my lovely chilled 6yo DS.

Looking at you, toddler DD 👀.

"DS, DD is trying to climb the stairgate yet again 🙄. Can you go chase her around the house pretending to bite her like a dog? She likes that. Mummy just wants a couple of minutes with her coffee."

Gender-stereotyping maybe, but I don't know any 6yo girls who would do this for me - apparently they're all too busy sitting quietly, colouring, crafting, concentrating and not causing trouble to operate as my toddler hit squad.

Whereas I only need to give the word and DS will happily take out DD for me.

When i was pregnant with my third boy and before I knew the sex, someone said to me 'you can't guarantee you'll get a girl you know'. I do wish I'd told them to fuck off.

It would be nice to have a thread about gender stereotypes/sex of babies/raising boy and girl children without somehow yet again getting into trans people and prisons.

Bit nasty to 6yo girls.

No, ‘we’ don’t all know that. Why are speaking for everyone?

I said "apparently"! I mean, that's the stereotype which is trotted out when people say "aren't you lucky to have girls?", isn't it? They're so studious, serene, sensible, conformable...

@milkywinterdisorder and what about your kids did they go with you or him at xmas ?

@VWCVVCWV you don't have to agree of course, but statistically it is an undeniable truth that boys are much more likely to be physically violent than girls. I'm not saying that girls/women can't be mean or nasty: both sexes can. But anecdotal experiences of mean girls don't trump the data we have on violent boys and men.

@mottytotty because that is often the narrative on here that you see when you have been on a while.
Op own mum saint , her dh interferring.
OP wants to be with her num at xmas , understandable, he dh wants to be with his, needs to cut the apron strings etc
not all obviously but responses always heavily on favour of the womens mum

@nomoremsniceperson but that data is changing. I think it will show different in years to come as society changes.

I actually agree, and I am sorry for my part in the derail. However, I would point out that it was the obsessed anti-trans people who yet again started banging on about it. I must remember never to take part in these discussions on this site, as people on here are so obsessed.

Why look for offense when clearly none was intended?

Yes, I think so too.

@nomoremsniceperson I do know about the statistics, thank you. Most of my Friend's Sons and Husbands are lovely and I mostly have had good experiences with men.

I don't know any women who were frightened of having boys.

So you do know 6yo girls who would chase a toddler and pretend to be a dog? Because I know plenty.

Unfortunately I don't own one though. So they're all "unproven", as it were.

In all honesty, I really wanted one of each (I now have DS7 and DD5) and found out early via a private scan that DC2 was a girl because I knew I’d privately need to get my head around 2 boys if that was the case.
However, because I felt this way, and because I know other people have done too, I would therefore never ever say anything like this in front of a mum of boys. I’d hate to make them feel shit about something that they had no control over, and likely don’t care about now that their children are here anyway.
Its likely projection, OP, but it’s unkind and thoughtless.

I have 3 sons and a baby daughter and the comments I had prior to having a daughter about being disappointed used to really anger me, when I found out my 3rd was a wee lad I had people try and console me. Fucking atrocious way to treat someone experiencing a wanted and healthy pregnancy. My sons haven't ever been a disappointment to me. I adore all my kids equally, the idea I'd prefer one over the others based on her sex is just awful.
My DD is a few months old and I've had friends and some family refuse to acknowledge her due to their gender disappointment because they've not had girls. SiL almost had a nervous breakdown we had a girl.
As someone who has had losses in pregnancy, I'm actually disgusted by that behaviour, I'm sorry they didn't get their preferred sex of child but to be so bitter about it is grim, how must their poor lads feel? Its disgusting.
Before my DD I wondered did people get gender disappointment because of things people say about having one sex of child and multiple children, almost the pressure from outsiders making you feel you're missing out not having a girl/boy. Now I'm less tolerant that people have had the entitlement to think they deserve any baby. They don't. Fertility and healthy babies at the end of pregancy is a gift.
I'm done with trying to be understanding about it, "Oh such and such is just sad because she dreamed of a daughter and they're grieving the dream" was my view, but now I'm just irritated to care enough, if you have children, you're blessed.

Oh that was before we had kids (since the kids we’ve alternated Christmas Day/Boxing Day with each set of parents).