To ask why the hate for boys?

[Numberttwotwo]

I know this has probably been discussed before. But I seem to come across something every day that makes me feel less worthy, someone to pity and just a bit shit.
I have 2 boys. They are kind, gentle, loving and the best of friends.
So why are my friends (really ‘good’ very longstanding friends) and strangers making comments that make me feel like this. Granted they’re comments about ‘boys’ and not MY boys.
I’ve been told (by a friend with one of each) that mums of boys won’t matter when they’re married and sons will be closer to the in laws.
I was told by a friend’s husband they HAD to find out the sex at 20 weeks because they’d have been soooo disappointed if it was a boy. (In front of my boys)
I was told yesterday (also in front of them) that my friend had been put off EVER having a boy by the behaviour of her nephew.
And this is not including all mentions of trying for a girl whenever we talk about possibly having a third.
I wish I had better ways of responding in the moment but for some reason I always bite my tongue.

YABU - boys are the worst and I pity anyone with more than one.
YANBU - the world should just parent their children and stop with the stupid comments based on nothing more than genitals

Rant over.

I wrote a big reply and it deleted!
One of each. Currently son closest to me. He is 12. I was so delighted when I had a boy first as I grew up in all female house.
I would say my aunt and sister only have boys and basically ignore my daughter. If I post a pic of my son doing something ordinary on SM they are all over it, if I post something special about my daughter like a prize win or something they ignore it. They also make comments about other little girls they know and how pretty they are (in front of my daughter who is 6) 😡 my friend told me in her opinion they are very jealous of her and me for having a daughter. I dont know if that's true but certainly how some people think.

This for me is an issue. It’s quite acceptable to say that you thank your lucky stars you didn’t have girls and that boys are the best, but if you say you’re glad you only have girls you’re horrific.

people are allowed a preference. I’m glad I had two girls. I don’t feel im
missing out by not having a boy and I feel that I would have been disappointed not to have a girl. Obviously I would have loved boys if I’d have had them, but as a general rule I do find little boys a lot more annoying.

That won’t be the same for everyone. My SIL’s preference was for two boys. Which she got. I love my nephews but to me they’re more annoying as small children than my girls were.

Also there is a difference in relationships as children get older. I’m very close to my young adult dd, we go out together a lot. My friends with boys the same age don’t on the whole. That’s not to say they don’t love their mums, it’s just a different relationship.

boys have been a preference throughout history and still are in many cultures. I don’t think it’s a bad thing that western women seem to be developing a slight preference for daughters, I hope it helps society to become more equal for women generally.

But why is it an awful thing to say? Men do commit more crimes.

Agreed.

I think it’s down to outdated expectations of how they can do ‘girly’ things with daughters and that a daughter is for life but a boy ‘is for life until he meets his wife’ blah blah! It’s quite ridiculous, I have two girls and trying my best to raise them without any stereotypical pressures and I would have done the same if I had boys.

A lot of it is actually toxic mothers who don’t like sharing their sons with another woman and this includes their grandchildren. Whereas mothers of sons who respect their daughter in law and welcome her like they would a son in law will retain that closeness.

I have male cousins who have beautiful relationships with their mothers, go for afternoon teas, football together, walks etc their children are close with both paternal and maternal grandparents.

Your friends sound ignorant, prejudiced and disrespectful imo. YANBU

I think this thread proves that it doesn’t matter if you have girls, it doesn’t matter if you have boys or if you have some of each some people will have an opinion on it.

and some people can’t express their preference or describe their experience without shitting on the alternative

I've got one of each. I had my ds first, and was really hoping for a boy second time round too because he was an absolute dream baby. As it's turned out, I'm so happy to have one of each. Both my dc are loving, kind, good people, which is surely the most important thing? They're young adults now and I'm equally close to both of them. Some really weird comments on this thread😅

It's all a load of stereotypical nonsense most of the time.

I have 2 girls and am over the moon to be having a little boy next.

It's just different personalities and nothing to do what sex the kids are isn't it. MIL has two daughters and one son and the daughters are horrible and abusive and their relationship is sour. Her son (my DH) is very close to his mum and they have a lovely relationship. I'm close to MIL too and she enjoys coming over and seeing us all. Not sure why people say you lose your son to their partner. 🤷🏻‍♀️ My brother is probably closer to my mum than I am too, and she is very close to all of her grandchildren.

I like boys and I like girls. Would be happy with either.

Absolutely this.

My neighbours DIL recently had a baby and my neighbour was DESPERATE for it to be a boy. My neighbours are Asian and they want boys in the family to continue the family business. The girls are the home makers. So i think its a cultural thing and different cultures will prefer one of the other. Obviously some people are happy with either but as a generalisation.

@Ohhelpicantthinkofaname

I am grateful for my boys. I would be grateful for any healthy child. I was responding to the poster who stating they were so happy to have girls. I think any form of preference is wrong.

People say this a lot on here but I just don't agree. There are terrible men in life, yes. But there are also terrible women! It is true that men are more likely to commit crimes of violence, but just in day to day life I find the genders equally nice/nasty. Perhaps I am biased: I have been seriously sexually assaulted once in my life and it was by a (cis) woman so I don't go around with this idea that all women are safe.

There isn’t hate for boys, you need better friends.

I was told by a friend’s husband they HAD to find out the sex at 20 weeks because they’d have been soooo disappointed if it was a boy. (In front of my boys)

Did you not say anything? What a good example to your sons if you had said something like ‘you would be lucky to have a boy, my sons are wonderful and I have never missed not having a girl’.

It's normal to want what you're familiar with, I think. I think a lot of men actually do want a son.

I'm from a family of all (many) girls.

Before I had children I could only imagine having girls myself. I didn't really know anything about boys 😂

I did have a girl first - and then had a boy, and it was an utter joy!

He was so much easier to deal with as a teenager than the girls and is now a lovely, loving adult and a wonderful son.

Yeah, agree with this. I had a preference for daughters, my DH had a preference to have sons.

But this is a female site mainly, so you'll see more of a preference for girls.

But that's the whole point @87SPD unless she is in a same sex relationship which the odds remain against, a woman never has to 'share' her daughter with another woman, does she? A mother with a close relationship with her daughter can be quietly confident that no one is ever going to come along and try to reduce their contact, criticise her for overstepping if she cooks for her or helps her with washing, call her daughter a woman child or a mummy's girl if she wants to spend a lot of time with her. The majority of mums of girls can expect their relationship to be largely unchanged by the presence of their SiL. This is typically not the case for mothers of sons and if they miss the closeness they're 'toxic'. It's a different and much harder role to navigate.

@SleepingStandingUp maybe your forcing your girls into it to. My mum used to try and get me to wear skirts and dresses and she could when little but by 7/8 i refused as i hated pink and glittery and preferred trackies and trainers much easier to climb and play footie witH. As an older women i now wear dresses a bit more than I ever had for comfort/ fit and I can’t climb trees mow, but your assuming all girls want the pink filly life , many don’t. Why can’t people let kids just be kids, my ds had a toy hoover and pushchair , because thats what he wanted, I gave zero shit what anyone else thought. My kids always chose what they liked to do.

I love my DCs equally - have one of each and didn't find out they're sex until i gave birth. My son is growing into a good man because his dad is also a good man and we've raised him well. My DH treats his mum very well and I expect my son to treat me the same. All those of you saying you don't like boys I'm assuming your daughters were fathered by a man? You liked him enough to get pregnant.

That's life. If you had daughters you'd be annoyed about people saying they were happier to have sons.

I think you can have a preference for yourself. I think most people do on the quiet. The problem lies when you think everyone’s preference should be the same as yours. People are different and the families they imagine are different.

also though my preference was always girls, I knew I would have loved sons if I’d have had them and I’m sure that in practice there aren’t many people who continue to be disappointed by the sex of their offspring once they’re born. (Expect for one friend who’s children are teens and to this day is bitter about the fact she didn’t get the sex of children she wanted. But I think she’s an outlier).

It’s just a ridiculous prejudice. As if “boys” are some sort of homogenous mass. I have 2 boys and they are my world and also couldn’t be more different. I take my responsibility to raise 2 decent men very seriously as did my MIL hence the male role model I chose to father them.

I am maybe a bit of a hypocrite because while I TOTALLY agree with you, OP, I am sort of the opposite of these people. I don't have kids, and part of the reason is that I would not want to have a girl under any circumstances. If I could have been 100% guaranteed to have a son, I would maybe have made different life choices (not that being childfree causes me any pain, I'm more than happy with my beloved cat) I don't dislike girl children, but when I think of the children that I know that I love in a very deep and protective way, they are ALL male and I'm sure that would have been the same had I had my own children. Anyway, boys are awesome and ignore the misandrist fools.

But you'd feel differently if they treated you like one of the family.

And, why shouldn't a child get to spend time with the people who loved and cared for their father his whole life? How is it different?

@Ohhelpicantthinkofaname
Why do you think your preference was always girls?

I honestly didn't care less.