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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being too sensitive? Friend not inviting me.

154 replies

wantsomethingthatiwant · 05/01/2024 14:22

I asked friend if she wanted to go to an event in June as the tickets were for sale and she said she’s already going with her group of friends.

Now I don’t expect an invite at all to them initially deciding to go. But other way around if I was already going and she asked I’d have said I’m going but get a ticket to come with us. I know most of the group and I like them.

She then said she didn’t buy the tickets so wouldn’t invite me. It’s an open live music day thing and your ticket is just entry - so not seated.

Just feel a bit sad about it.

OP posts:
EvilElsa · 05/01/2024 14:24

Is it a group you don't know (other than your friend)? Maybe she feels like it will be awkward or that she can't just add on someone else as the rest of the group might not want that?

Original poster
wantsomethingthatiwant · 05/01/2024 14:25

“She then said she didn’t buy the tickets so wouldn’t invite me. It’s an open live music day thing and your ticket is just entry - so not seated.”

SORRY

To clarify I meant this was the reason why she said she wouldn’t invite me now I asked. Not when they first bought tickets.

OP posts:
Original poster
wantsomethingthatiwant · 05/01/2024 14:26

EvilElsa · 05/01/2024 14:24

Is it a group you don't know (other than your friend)? Maybe she feels like it will be awkward or that she can't just add on someone else as the rest of the group might not want that?

Literally said in my OP that I know most of the group. I’ve known her for 15 years so I have met them throughout those years.

OP posts:
Honeyglazed · 05/01/2024 14:27

So you friend was asked by someone to go and is going

you've asked her, she said she’s going

why can’t you buy a ticket and go

not your friends fault she was asked, she may have only been offered 1 ticket so couldn’t say she wanted to ask anyone else

EvilElsa · 05/01/2024 14:27

Sorry I reread that part after I answered. Are they more "her group" than yours? As in are they more connected, childhood friends etc?

ManateeFair · 05/01/2024 14:29

But clearly her trip to the festival was organised for her group by one of her friends, so it's not her place to invite you along. She wasn't the person who organised it - someone else did, as a get together for a specific group of people.

If I'd been in touch with a particular group of my close friends and said 'Shall we all go to such-and-such a thing? Let me know and I'll sort tickets for us' I wouldn't then expect one of them to start inviting their other friends along.

AliceOlive · 05/01/2024 14:29

No, she’s not planning the event so clearly she feels it would be awkward for her to expect to bring you along. Can you go with another friend?

Fiddlerdragon · 05/01/2024 14:29

Why is everyone misunderstanding the thread? It’s not hard. The ops basically been told she’s not welcome. She can’t just buy a ticket and invite herself at this point without making it awkward af.

Original poster
wantsomethingthatiwant · 05/01/2024 14:33

Fiddlerdragon · 05/01/2024 14:29

Why is everyone misunderstanding the thread? It’s not hard. The ops basically been told she’s not welcome. She can’t just buy a ticket and invite herself at this point without making it awkward af.

Yeah pretty much this.

They are their own group of friends, I would classify one of the group (aside from my friend) as a friend and I know her through something separate. They meet up regularly and the event they are going to isn’t like a catch up not seen you for years type thing.

I just thought as a one off knowing that I wanted to go that she would say to come but clearly not.

OP posts:
ManateeFair · 05/01/2024 14:35

wantsomethingthatiwant · 05/01/2024 14:26

Literally said in my OP that I know most of the group. I’ve known her for 15 years so I have met them throughout those years.

Show quote history

You've met them, yes - but they're still her friends rather than yours and if it was one of them who organised the trip to the gig as a get-together for their specific group of mates, then I think YABU to think your friend should invite you along.

I'm in a friend group of five old school mates. We live in different parts of the country. A couple of them have old uni mates and 'mum friends' that I've met plenty of times over the years at parties and weddings and stuff like that - I get on fine with them and they're nice people but they still aren't 'my' friends and I would find it a bit strange if I'd arranged a get-together with my five school mates and one of of them announced they'd invited one of their other friends to come along too. Not because I don't like them or anything, but just because it wasn't really that kind of arrangement.

EvilElsa · 05/01/2024 14:35

I'm sorry, I can see that this would be hurtful. Is there anyone else you could go with?

Abitofalark · 05/01/2024 14:39

I don't see why she couldn't say 'Do get a ticket and come along.' To me, it doesn't seem very friendly but then I don't know the relationship and the full conversation. It's natural to be upset if you feel cold shouldered when you asked her about it but are you sure you aren't misinterpreting the situation or her intentions?

TedMullins · 05/01/2024 14:40

ManateeFair · 05/01/2024 14:29

But clearly her trip to the festival was organised for her group by one of her friends, so it's not her place to invite you along. She wasn't the person who organised it - someone else did, as a get together for a specific group of people.

If I'd been in touch with a particular group of my close friends and said 'Shall we all go to such-and-such a thing? Let me know and I'll sort tickets for us' I wouldn't then expect one of them to start inviting their other friends along.

Really? I would have absolutely no problem with someone saying “my friend wants to go to this too, shall I tell them to grab a ticket and come with us?” And likewise if I was invited by someone buying a bunch of tickets then had another friend want to come, I’d tell them to get themselves a ticket and join us. Can’t see an issue. I think it’s mean she didn’t invite you OP

Original poster
wantsomethingthatiwant · 05/01/2024 14:43

ManateeFair · 05/01/2024 14:35

You've met them, yes - but they're still her friends rather than yours and if it was one of them who organised the trip to the gig as a get-together for their specific group of mates, then I think YABU to think your friend should invite you along.

I'm in a friend group of five old school mates. We live in different parts of the country. A couple of them have old uni mates and 'mum friends' that I've met plenty of times over the years at parties and weddings and stuff like that - I get on fine with them and they're nice people but they still aren't 'my' friends and I would find it a bit strange if I'd arranged a get-together with my five school mates and one of of them announced they'd invited one of their other friends to come along too. Not because I don't like them or anything, but just because it wasn't really that kind of arrangement.

Show quote history

Well no you’ve twisted that. I was asked if I knew no one but my friend and I clarified that these are people I do know/have met. I’m just not 100% sure on who’s going, whether it’s all or some of that group:

Plus everyone in this situation lives in the same city and always has done. So yes if they lived miles apart and were meeting as an old friendship group to catch up then that’s different.

OP posts:
Original poster
wantsomethingthatiwant · 05/01/2024 14:46

TedMullins · 05/01/2024 14:40

Really? I would have absolutely no problem with someone saying “my friend wants to go to this too, shall I tell them to grab a ticket and come with us?” And likewise if I was invited by someone buying a bunch of tickets then had another friend want to come, I’d tell them to get themselves a ticket and join us. Can’t see an issue. I think it’s mean she didn’t invite you OP

Show quote history

Thank you.

I don’t want to get this thread twisted. I’m not trying to invite myself to an event of people I don’t know and that rarely ever see each other.

I just thought as a one off she’d be fine with saying to come along to an event where a group of people I have met before and all live in the same city and see each other regularly would be ok - and I would 100% tell her to come if the roles were reversed.

OP posts:
CatamaranViper · 05/01/2024 14:48

Perhaps there is someone/people in the group who don't like you OP?

If I arrange to do something with a group of friends and then another friend tags along, it changes things and inevitably she'll feel like she's stuck with you rather than being part of the group.

Forgoodnesssakejustletme · 05/01/2024 14:55

You say you like them - what if they don't like you?

theresnolimits · 05/01/2024 14:56

From the other point of view, if I’ve organised something for a group and then someone says ‘Can I bring X?’, I do get a bit miffed. It changes the dynamic. And then someone else says ‘Oh can I bring Y..?’

She hasn’t organised it, so I can see she doesn’t want to make waves. Find someone else to go with and don’t over analyse it as it’s not really about you, it’s about them and their plans.

Janieforever · 05/01/2024 14:57

I think the fact you weren’t invited says you’re not close to this group. I see why she isn’t inviting along, they have prob plans, but I also see why you’d like to go with them,

Mrsttcno1 · 05/01/2024 14:58

See I don’t think there’s anything wrong with this really?

She’s going with her group of friends, not everyone has to be invited to everything. If she’s going with her group of friends it doesn’t really matter if you know 1 or 2 or all of them, it’s their plans

TheZoehan · 05/01/2024 14:59

I kind of get it. My mates knew my housemate really well when I was sharing a house. Plenty of nights spent together and meals where we all attended. However, we still went on nights where we didn't invite my housemate.

shepherdsangeldelight · 05/01/2024 15:00

I just thought as a one off she’d be fine with saying to come along to an event where a group of people I have met before and all live in the same city and see each other regularly would be ok - and I would 100% tell her to come if the roles were reversed.

But she wasn't the one who planned it, so she probably feels it's not her place to invite an extra person along. You clearly don't know the others well enough to have been included in the first place.

However, if you do think there is no issue with you coming along, then why not raise this yourself?

MMMarmite · 05/01/2024 15:02

I think its fine for you to ask, and fine for her to decline.

If meeting with a group, sometimes its fun to bring extra people, sometimes it makes things more awkward, as it changes the dynamic or you have less time to spend with the main group. It completely depends on the situation. If she prefers to stick with her group's original plan, i think she has every right to.

Original poster
wantsomethingthatiwant · 05/01/2024 15:03

Janieforever · 05/01/2024 14:57

I think the fact you weren’t invited says you’re not close to this group. I see why she isn’t inviting along, they have prob plans, but I also see why you’d like to go with them,

I never said I was close to the group because I’m not and I’ve made it perfectly clear I never expected to be initially invited . I’m talking about being invited by her as a one off AFTER knowing I wanted to go:

OP posts:
Ducksinthebath · 05/01/2024 15:04

I wouldn’t invite someone else to a group thing without checking with the whole group first, even if they were all fast friends. It’s just basic manners.