Am I being too sensitive? Friend not inviting me.

[wantsomethingthatiwant]

I asked friend if she wanted to go to an event in June as the tickets were for sale and she said she’s already going with her group of friends.

Now I don’t expect an invite at all to them initially deciding to go. But other way around if I was already going and she asked I’d have said I’m going but get a ticket to come with us. I know most of the group and I like them.

She then said she didn’t buy the tickets so wouldn’t invite me. It’s an open live music day thing and your ticket is just entry - so not seated.

Just feel a bit sad about it.

This could easily be it - I've a lovely friend who invited me to something a specific group of her friends were going to. They were very focussed on one another (fine) and it was hard to make conversation with them, my friend kept checking I was ok and I felt like a bit of a spare part and a burden to her. I made my excuses and left early - all fine in the end, but a bit of a lesson.

She probably just wants to hang out with these friends without worrying about needing to look after you all night, by making sure you have someone to talk to, get drinks with, go to the loo with etc.

No I don’t agree with this at all. You’re looking for reasons to overcomplicate it. Very easy for someone to buy a ticket, turn up to the event, meet the group then go home. The group can still do their before/after plans, no need to even mention them! “Yes we’re going, get yourself a ticket and text me when you get there and we can meet”. Job done

I agree with this. The person who’s organised it has invited who she wants to hang out with, and just because you know them doesn’t mean you have to be included. I think it would have been rude of her to decide to include you, and it doesn’t make her rude to explain she already had plans with other people.

Had similar issues. Decided if I want to go, I go with my own party. So, not go with your own group of friends or family?

I can’t believe the responses! First off, reading carefully results in comprehension. Second—this is a cold thing to do to a friend. Being kind, considerate and trustworthy are fundamentals of friendship. This friendship would be a tosser for me.

Honestly?
You sound a little possessive of your friend.
Aren't there other folk you could go with, if you'd rather not just go alone?

Furthermore, I’ll probably hear that I’m dead wrong. I’ve had some good friends in my life along with other rubbish individuals who played at friendship. My dogs and cats are better friends than most people—much better.

You get that it’s in a city we all live in? So what does transport have to do with any of it? Odd .. they can do whatever they want the night before or time before the event (not sure where I insisted I be invited to this or I think the fact they are adults and own their own home I doubt they’d be having sleepovers to go day drinking the next day)

This is 100% as simple of them doing as they please and me meeting them there. I could get to the event by Uber in 10 minutes.

Why in the world you’d think I’d need an adult sleepover is baffling .. it’s an event that runs until 10pm. I think I’ll be ok to get the 10 minute Uber back to my house just fine.

How am I possessive of my friend?

You seem to be struggling to understand why you cannot automatically be included in something she's doing with other friends and that someone else has quite possibly organised, just because it's an event that also interests you. She is allowed to choose to do stuff without you, by herself or with others, even if the stuff is something you might enjoy.
You don't get to be part of every single thing. The same, of course, applies to you.

I can understand why this would be upsetting for you but I don't think your friend is wrong.

She is going with a group of friends and especially if someone else arranged it then it's not that weird that she wouldn't want to invite anyone else. It can change the group dynamics.

Not allowing friends freedom to do other things, alone or with different friends, isn't great either though. OP is pushing to be included and, for whatever reason, her friend doesn't think she'll be a good fit for this group. Surely OP has other friends to socialise with too? If not then maybe she is too dependent on one friend.

It doesn’t sound like you’re a close friend to this friend.

I’d see if someone else is going or wants to go and go with them instead and then mention to the others you’ll be there.

The only time I’ve had similar to this is a friend who was a close friend of mine but she was either jealous of me or trying to distance the friendship. I saw her in the street on the way to the event (festival) and it was awkward because as I was going with other friends she’d been elusive about where/if she was going to this event. Silly really. We’re now not friends and I don’t miss her.

It would have been nice to be invited but I think if your friend didn’t organise it it’s not really usual to add someone unless checking first

I think if you want to go just ask another friend/s - it’s a free country and ur friend might actually respond positively and say great I’m sure we will bump into each other / see u there

No real harm done

Changing group dynamics can be tricky. It’s also tricky if some of the group don’t like something about a new incomer (not saying this is the case here).

That’s crap- she should have said buy a ticket and team up with us. She’s an adult she should have some emotional intelligence. Find someone else to go with and then keep her at arms length

Why?

Unless it’s a really small event can’t you just ask another friend to go with you and go? If you bump into this other group just say hi, if it’s a big event chances are you won’t see them.

OP doesn’t seem needy, possessive or dependent. The friend doesn’t seem to have taken time to ask the group if OP could join. If I knew a good friend wanted to be included—especially in this type of informal event, I would try to accommodate. 🤷‍♀️

So for me to ask ONCE in the 15 years we’ve been friends to be included as a one off to go to an event she knows I’d like to go to .. makes me possessive.

Wow. Do you call the police when someone adds you on social media and say they are stalking you?

Typical MN though, has to resort to insults and belittling people even when it is an absolute reach. I think you need to Google what the word possessive actually means because I’ve made it abundantly clear my issues was never not being initially invited.

People conduct relationships differently. If it were me I’d have said, oh come with us, sure it’ll be fine. I have some friends that don’t like big groups and wouldn’t expand an event.

Different folks, different strokes. Try not to be hurt.

Not accepting that a friend can do things without you does suggest a bit of dependence though, if you think about it. Perhaps not intentionally, but still evident.

There is apparently quite a low bar for friendship. This is why I have a small group of solid friends. I’m just not interested in playing friends with individuals who behave this way.

You and me both!