Am I being too sensitive? Friend not inviting me.

[wantsomethingthatiwant]

I asked friend if she wanted to go to an event in June as the tickets were for sale and she said she’s already going with her group of friends.

Now I don’t expect an invite at all to them initially deciding to go. But other way around if I was already going and she asked I’d have said I’m going but get a ticket to come with us. I know most of the group and I like them.

She then said she didn’t buy the tickets so wouldn’t invite me. It’s an open live music day thing and your ticket is just entry - so not seated.

Just feel a bit sad about it.

@wantsomethingthatiwant
why do you think she hasn’t invited you?

You seem to be assuming that she's somehow mean to not include you in an outing someone else has organised - that in itself seems possessive - as if you have the right to her company.

You are also not being empathetic to her perspective as you're on here arguing about why she should have invited you, whereas she gave you an explanation which plenty of other posters think sounds fine, and really you should just accept that she has reason to not include you in an outing organised by someone else. If you were my friend and I was to read your comments here, I would think you were needy and hard work.

Seriously, move on and expand your own friendship group if there's nobody else you could go to this with. Your friend doesn't owe you anything.

Thank you.

Like I’d get being possessive if I didn’t like my friend having her own friends, or I’d insisted throughout our entire friendship that I be invited to whatever events they went to or falling out with her when they went out and didn’t ask me.

I don’t even care they arranged this and I wasn’t initially invited because there’s never been any expectation from me that they would invite me.

I just thought in a long term friendship she would at least ask them if it would be ok if I tagged along on this one off occasion.

I don't think the OP is possessive to have asked to join in. The friend said no and OP hasn't pushed it, but she's hurt and that's understandable if she's previously been to events as part of this group before.
Maybe someone in the group isn't keen on the OP and it's put the friend in an awkward position. Who knows? Hopefully she can go along and have a great time with someone else.

Sigh…she’s not saying you need transport or a sleepover, she’s saying they could have planned those things together and it’s awkward if you’re not a part of those arrangements, even if you don’t want to be.

In the nicest way, your over dramatic reply there does suggest I've hit a nerve.

Lots of people are possessive over friendships, it's common, but also the person concerned is unaware.

What do you want from this thread Op? You’re quite argumentative with people who have a different view point.
Are you being too sensitive? Possibly but you feel how you feel.

She's on here asking, so that suggests to me that she still feels she has some right to be included?

I think this is a clear example of the tattle vs MN thread and highlights how horrible and vicious people can be on here.

Nobody is being horrible and vicious though, we're offering a perspective because you asked us.

Yes it might have been nice to be included, but your friend will have her reasons for not including you - some potential reasons have already been suggested.

Going forward you maybe do need to be honest with yourself regarding the expectations of this friendship, and also consider if it's changing over time, or if this is just one less than ideal incident for you and overall it's a friendship you both value.

Good luck.

But if she didn't organise the group outing, why would she invite you along which might annoy the person who did organise it? If she didn't do the organising it's not really her place to invite other people to join the group.

Please ignore the posters criticising you OP. There’s always posters on here itching to kick people when they’re down.

I organised a group event last year. One person couldn’t come at the last minute and so one of the others asked to bring her friend along instead (to save the ticket getting wasted). I was totally fine with this but another in the group jumped into the chat before I could say anything and said she’d prefer it just be the original group. I had to let it go as it was a bit of a tense conversation between the two of them.

This doesn’t mean your friend doesn’t want you there. You don’t know what dynamics are behind her not inviting you along. You’re right to feel a bit hurt but I think you need to try and let it go this time. Find someone else to go with or plan something else for that day.

I think its a bit off for her not to say 'but if you're coming we might see you there!' though I get if someone else is arranging their group trip, she can't invite you to say, share transport or any before/after thing they're doing...

Its not a private event, so get a ticket and go, if you see them you see them, if not not..

This is exactly the same as me. I have different sets of friends that I know I would have a different kind of night with..I also agree it changes the dynamic of the group as for instance my group of friends who I've known forever, just know each other inside out and I know everyone will just get on or if they don't then it's fine as such good friends we know it would be fine the next day..however, when anyone comes from my other group of friends and joins us, it feels like I'm having to see if thier OK, enjoying themselves etc even though they know a couple of the group.

I think the issue is that the OP is assuming it’s a “more the merrier” scenario whilst the friend is viewing it as a “I’m getting together with my established group of mates” scenario.

She was invited by another friend as part of a group, so she isn't the organiser. As such, it's not really her place to invite you along.

The most id do in her situation would be to contact the person who invited me/organised said event and ask if they'd mind if she invited you along. But she has clearly decided she doesn't want the faff or that the organiser would prefer it if you weren't invited.

I think you are being over sensitive to be honest. go to it but with some other friends.

two friends of mine both asked me to go with them to two different things and I felt awkward explaining I had already had the same offer from another friend.

It’s not intentional but people have lots of different friends and they can’t go to everything with everyone!

You are being very prickly to people replying, @wantsomethingthatiwant .

Your friend was included in someone else's plans to attend something you would love to go to.

She didn't arrange the plans. Your friend would have been rude to her existing commitment to say "get a ticket and we'll see you there," if there's any chance you might not be wholeheartedly welcomed by the entirte group. SHe wasn't the one to issue the invitation.

Be honest with yourself, OP. Your friend's group clearly aren't wanting you to join them (for any of many reasons,not all of them bad necessarily) and it hurts that she's sticking with her existing plans rather than dumping them for you.

That's completely understandable, being a bit hurt. But your friend is doing the decent thing by honouring the arrangement she made. Cancelling or inviting a person to someone else's group is extremely rude. She didn't know you'd ask her as well.

Chalk it up to experience. Ask early, or be happy to go by yourself.

Not everyone is happy with the more, the merrier.

I agree with Ted. We had a Uni reunion,my friend asked if her sil could come. We know her but she wasn't at uni with us. We all said yes.
We're going to a theatre group and ot was a pretty open does anyone else know anyone who wants to come?

In your friend's shoes I'd have messaged my group and said does anyone mind if Mindy comes?

Is she's generally nice, accept there's no meanness meant tho, just thoughtlessness

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You're getting a tough time here, OP. Lots of these posters must be emotionally stunted not to feel hurt at being excluded by a long-term friend. How incredibly understanding they all must be in such situations.

I would try and find someone else to go with and have fun, but I'd remember this if the shoe were ever on the other foot though.

I think your friend is insensitive. It's not hard. If she genuinely wasn't sure she could easily say "Let me ask if it's okay for you to join us". It feels purposely exclusionary. It would rub me the wrong way too.

Have you asked though? You invited her, she said she was already going, Have you then said oh can i come?

Nobody is kicking someone who is down though, merely pointing out to OP why they might not include her and/or why she's perhaps being a tad sensitive. Her friend can do things with other people.

It's not emotionally stunted to realise that you cannot always be included though. That's maturity surely?