Am I being too sensitive? Friend not inviting me.

[wantsomethingthatiwant]

I asked friend if she wanted to go to an event in June as the tickets were for sale and she said she’s already going with her group of friends.

Now I don’t expect an invite at all to them initially deciding to go. But other way around if I was already going and she asked I’d have said I’m going but get a ticket to come with us. I know most of the group and I like them.

She then said she didn’t buy the tickets so wouldn’t invite me. It’s an open live music day thing and your ticket is just entry - so not seated.

Just feel a bit sad about it.

Ok, I was trying not to, but I will spell it out . If the op doesn’t know the group the friend may be concerned she’s going to get stuck with the op.clearly you’ve a different experience of festivals to me, where even during the event we have kitties, all sit together, meet before, stay together after, it’s not just a line of people watching a band. If it was, why does the op need to meet them. She can go on her own.

But again why would that be a problem if she was with the group? She DOES know them. I can only assume someone in the group doesn’t like OP as I really can’t imagine anyone objecting to this at a festival of all places (even if they didn’t know her). I have had a very different experience of festivals to you indeed - even at weekend-long camping events where you arrive and leave together with your camp mates and share cars, the event itself usually has people splintering off or going to find other friends who are also at the festival, or wanting to watch different acts that clash so having to split up at points then finding each other again later. I can’t imagine doing a festival glued to one group like a nursery class roped together on a day trip. Yes, she could go alone but it’s not unreasonable of her to think she could hang out with people she knew.

So for me to ask ONCE in the 15 years we’ve been friends to be included as a one off to go to an event she knows I’d like to go to .. makes me possessive

No. Not for me, it doesn't. I think asking is absolutely fine

However, when your friend said no, you reacted with upset and (apparently) didn't consider that it might be because someone doesn't like you......

.....and then you started a very, very, very prickly and huffy thread on MN, which could show why (some) people might not like you ....

......I'd say the above makes you a bit ....I don't know.....unreasonable / batshit / odd

OP if I was your friend I would check in with the group and see if it was ok to invite you. Some people can be funny about extending invites outside ’the group’. And then the same people would no doubt be upset if their child was being excluded at school but that’s a discussion for another day.

However there are some people with big personalities who dominate and change the vibe of the occasion. I don’t know you so you might be one of those people or you might not. Or as someone else mentioned it might be that group does recreational drugs at festivals and you don’t.

I don’t necessarily think you’re being over sensitive. It would sting to have a friend say specifically that you can’t join them. But there are possible reasons that might be outside her control.

It is unreasonable. The group of close friends going to a festival together are well within their rights to not expect or particularly want someone they don’t know very well, joining them for the weekend. That’s their prerogative and not necessarily personal against the OP at all, and she really shouldn’t be taking it that way.

So you think it was unreasonable of her to even ask? Wild. I just don’t get this attitude at all. If I was OP’s mate I’d have just told her to buy a ticket and meet me there without even checking with the rest of the group as I genuinely don’t know anyone who’d have an issue with it. Different if it was someone’s birthday party (but then again I have friends who’ve thrown birthday parties and specifically said bring a mate if you want). I don’t believe anyone saying they’d be totally fine with being told they’re not welcome. That would sting most people!

Hmm. I had to leave someone out like this once. The reason being she was nice enough but literally dominated every conversation. She knew my other friends to say hello to, that kind of thing. But I'd already spent a lot of time with this one friend and wanted to spend time with the others without her taking over. So I didn't invite her.

It wasn't malicious. She just had quite an over bearing personality. You will probably say that you're not like that or whatever but my friend wouldn't consider herself over bearing either! Or it could be one of many other reasons pp's have suggested.

Anyway, yes you are being over sensitive.

I’m sorry you’re upset. I think you’re being a bit over sensitive though. Maybe your friend felt it was awkward to ask her group?

Did you explicitly and confidently say “I’m going to book a ticket, I’ll meet you there”? Then there’d be no doubt in what you wanted.

Not unreasonable to ask, unreasonable to be upset that her friend isn’t up for bringing her.
Take the festival aspect out of it- it’s a long-standing close group of friends who’ve arranged to get together for the weekend. Generally speaking you wouldn’t just randomly invite a person who the others aren’t friends with/don’t know v well?

Personally I think it depends what the event is. To a meal or a dinner party, no. To a festival, yes

Whatever happened to more the merrier? If it's a music festival type gig then your friend surely doesn't need permission from the one who's planning it?

Surely they all bought their own tickets, are all adults & can invite who they like.

She needs to get a grip!

I've been in the situation where I've been organising the group event, and a person in the group has asked to bring someone extra (people we all would've met but wouldn't have been part of our group). Not going to lie, we've never ever said no, and sometimes we didn't care but other times it has annoyed me and other people in the group because it changes the dynamic a little....

I totally agree with this! I love introducing friends to other friends. I have some friends who really dislike it though and so I have to be careful when and with whom I can extend invites etc. But I totally understand where you're coming from OP and I would be hurt.

Is the group she is going with going for someone’s birthday or something like that? If so I can see why she didn’t feel she could invite anyone else along.

I think if it’s a mixed group, people who know each other from different places, lengths of time, then yes the more the merrier, but if it’s one long term close group of friends spending the weekend together it’s evidently not the time to bring in someone the others don’t really know, because that’s the decision the OP’s friend has made and OP should respect that rather than take it personally.

Bloody hell, this place gets worse. 😂

Chill out, baby, it ain't no thing.

They're going as a group. You're not part of that group on that day.

So, either get a ticket and go by yourself, or just forget it.

So you're saying if I'm invited to do something with friends if someone else I know wants to come, they have to?

She can buy a ticket and go with another friend. I’m not understanding why it’s go with them or don’t go at all.

I would have invited you along. There will be lots of people there anyway.

I'm like you op. The more the merrier. It's not like you're inviting yourself into their home

Honestly you come across aggressive in your replies. Maybe there is a reason you were not included.

I wouldn't take this too personally OP. It doesn't sound as if your friend was in a position to invite you on this occasion, as she wasn't the organiser. In the friend's position, I think I'd have behaved similarly, but not as a slight to you.

It was fine for you to ask your friend if it was ok for you to join, and it was ok for her to say no. There's nothing wrong with feeling sad about that, but that sadness doesn't mean your friend did anything wrong.

Your friend said she didn't buy the tickets - that means someone else (not your friend) bought the tickets and is organizing. You're not clear who exactly is going and don't know all of them well. For reasons you're not aware of, your friend felt like it wasn't ok to just add you to that group this time. Perhaps it's an outing for someone's birthday, or they have agreements about drinking/drug use, or someone in the group has less fun when there are more people to wrangle/coordinate, or the organizer is a control freak, etc. She's being respectful of the people she has a prior commitment to, and it sounds like she was gentle with you in her response.

Some people would never want to be part of a friend group that wasn't always "the more the merrier" and some would hate having friends who invited extra people to events organized by someone else. That's ok - we're not all meant to be friends with everyone else.

As you and others have pointed out, this is a public event. If you're not comfortable going alone you should invite another friend.

I’d hazard a guess she didn’t organise it and it’s with a group of friends you know but you’re not close friends with so she didn’t feel as though she could invite you. It’s always rude to invite someone along to something without checking with the others first, she could have done this though for sure. Maybe she was worried the dynamic would change if you came too? Not sure. I’d just have gone anyway, even if alone.

Nope, it's still full of folk not understanding other perspectives.