Do not want to look after someone's DC

[howan]

My DH's family member has 2 DCs. Second just turned 1 and is, obviously, hard work, so she v ofter 'organises' sleepovers AT OUR HOUSE for her older DC, who is 6 and lovely, but I am fed up with looking after them! DH thinks that it is 'lovely for cousins to spend time together' ( they are not even cousins!), but our DCs are 14 and 12, so do not have patience or will to entertain their younger 'cousin' all w/end. DH just announced that the child will be coming this Friday and i have just texted the mother that we are going to see my family, so that will not be possible. Mother texted back that 'the child is very upset'. Honestly, I don't give a damn 😤 No amount of talking to DH helps, as he thinks that we need to help, but I have not received any help when I had young DC, why should I'help' them now? AIBU to say no every time from now on? My DC are not interested in having their little ' cousin' for sleepover, either.

Read the OPs posts.

And, of course, my DH leaves all the care of a child to me

My DH wants to help, as the mother keeps complaining how hard she is finding to look after her 2 DCs. Child's father usually works at weekends. That woman was like that when she only had one child. I don't really know why she had another, if one Dc was 'hard'.

And, of course, my DH leaves all the care of a child to me.

She alluded to it from the beginning, but she did say it here in one of her posts, that DH leaves the childcare to her, not quite sure to what extent.

No you only have to read the OPs messages.
You can also read that the OPs children don’t want to spend all their time looking after a 6 year old.

I didn't. But I did see that one.

It's a bit sad that you're on here being an abusive troll to people you don't know. Do you honestly not have anything better to do with your time, really? Is doing this part of "entertaining your children?"

Get a life, ffs.

Wow, is that the language you teach your children? What delightful adults they're all set to be. Lol

No, I just don't take abuse from people trolling. Perhaps you should stop writing abusive posts to others then, as you've done on a number of occasions now, not just to me, calling them things like "delusional" and "sad".

Is that what you teach YOUR children? (If you have them, which I'm not convinced you do). You're best ignored, I think. Bye now.

she said it further up, I quoted her in my last post.

I'm of a mind that you should help family in need, but I personally think that there is something wrong in the nephew's family if they have to ship out their 6 year old for the weekend every weekend because they can't cope, it's not fair on the child being sent away, and it's not fair on OPs family to have to give up every weekend to look after them, this isn't a once in a while arrangement, the nephew and wife can't just opt out of parenting every weekend because it suits them, they need to find a way to make their situation work with occasional support.

I also think if this woman was a friend of OPs she would arrange this with her, as it stands OPs husband is the one being asked and he won't say no to it because he has severe white knight syndrome, meanwhile, OP is the one left feeling taken for granted and resentful because she's the one doing the actual childcare, I'm not surprised she's now had enough of it, she's not even being asked if it's okay, she's just being volunteered!

I feel really sorry for the child, it must be awful to be palmed off every weekend by it's parents in this way.

If your DH wants to help that's fine, but make sure he knows that neither you nor the older kids feel the same obligation so the work involved will be on his shoulders alone.

Uh oh, hubby’s here!

Hello Husband or Nephew 🤣

I agree, they ABVU, this is an extremely high level of support you are being expected to provide!

Unless I’ve missed something, a 6 year old is not hard to look after alongside a 1 year old?

At the age of your DC I would be expecting more of a ‘paying for babysitting’ type arrangement, why would they want to hang out with a 6 year old?

I would only expect to be providing this type of care in an emergency situation.

It's a bit sad that you've got time to read through 300 messages. I'm too busy entertaining my children.

At 11.30 at night @Elvisfairy?

Why is it up to the OP to be the answer to all this woman's problems? She must have her own family she can ask for help if she needs it. OP has helped her enough, she wants her weekends back.

Also, why are you being so rude to people?

Surely your eh nephew is also your nephew? So their child is your great nephew? Seems weird not to count his family as your own with regards to cousins etc.

i think it would be very cruel to stop the visits entirely. The child will feel totally heart broken to be abandoned like that and will assume it os their fault. They probably look forward to being with you because they get attention that they don’t get at home since the little one arrived.

by all means cut down stays but keep them at least monthly at first so the kid doesn’t feel rejected.

also not sure why your husband has no say in this.

We don't all consider in-laws to be equal to our real family members, @Thefsm

This needs to stop! I think it's so bizarre your husband would arrange to invite anyone round to your house without asking you our tour teenage kids? It's your house too.

I'd have the conversation with your husband and set a boundary. I'd suggest he text his family member saying the teen kids are getting too old for sleepovers with their 'cousin' and hair want to play video games or whatever. Then suggest you can still arrange times for them all to meet up and see eachother but overnights don't work for you guys anymore. You can't control her reaction!

Where is the nephew’s WIFE’S family in all of this? Are they still around? Saying that the parents and grandparents are hundreds of miles away (from ALL the other nephews and their families) I’m wondering why. Did they up sticks and move bc they couldn’t take it any more? Did these adult nephews gravitate towards OP and her DH bc they realised they were onto a good thing in receiving unlimited physical, emotional and financial support? Did DH move HIS family closer to all his nephews to fulfil and feed his ‘white knight complex’?

So many questions.

I wouldn’t suggest the drastic step of moving house yourself OP, obviously, but if you did, do you think all this would stop, or would all the nephews follow…? If you and DH were on the same page it would be bearable but as you’re clearly not he needs to compromise and consider your input and feelings (and his own children’s) a heck of a lot more! He’s putting his nephews (plural) above you and your DC at the end of the day, can he justify why?

I can see how fed up you must be feeling, good luck with your NY’s wish!✨

next time they’re round, I wouldn’t do anything to help with childcare at all. Tell your children they don’t have to either or encourage them to be at their friend’s house etc. I wouldn’t cook that evening either, maybe get your own kids something before hand. I wouldn’t get a bed ready or anything. Leave it all to your husband and he’ll soon be in agreement that the sleepovers should stop!

I’d contact her and apologise that you’re so slammed at the mo with the girls and sleep overs do not work currently. However, you’ll be sending DH to help her push the little one in the pram so she can get a rest once a month or take the 6 year old to the park for a couple of hours.

DH will change his tune if you go out every weekend and leave him to look after all three kids, which I expect is what you are doing.

Why not do that and have a few weekends fun until he realises.

guaranteed wont take him long to Stop volunteering.

If not enjoy the weekends on your own . Why not?

Your dh is part of the issue with his saviour complex. The nephews and his wife are cfs. If you find it hard with one kid, don't have 2. If anything a 6 year old is easier than a 1 year old.

I'm all for being upfront and honest and would say to the dh that the childcare for 6 year old falls to you and you are not happy about it. If he wants to help then he should be doing it and you won't adjust your weekend plans ro account for his nephews kid. I'd also speak to his nephews wife and explain that childcare for her 6 year old falls down to you not your dh. You are not happy to be dumped on and have to include or modify your plans every weekend because of her child. If her dh working weekends doesn't work for their overall family then she needs to tackle that head on, not dump her 6 year old on you op. I have 3 kids 7, 6 and 2. I work on the weekend and my dh wouldn't dream of dumping one of ours on to relatives, he parents because that is what he signed up for.