Husband wife two kids- who pays for what?

[mumtoboys12]

Husband earns 3 times what wife earns. Wife earns 1600 a month.
Husband says I'm taking advantage of him and he's a cash cow as he pays most of the bills.
I pay for childcare and all food shopping.
I also did the same on maternity leave earning no money so from savings.
Husband pays mortgage and bills

Is this fair? Or am I taking advantage?

I don’t think so but show me…

@Britpop123 it shouldn't be worked on percentages, it should be on ££££

1500 mortgage plus 800 bills is not 77% of a 4800 income.

Agree. It begs the question what he would think is fair? And whether most decent men and women would agree with him.

As an aside it boils my piss when childcare has to come out of the woman's wages when families don't have one joint pot. As if where the children go is her problem she needs to solve on her own.

She was clear he has 1500 left over…

@Britpop123

You are insane. I earn double what my husband earns and would never treat him this way.

They are married, it’s a partnership, they are living separate lives. He’s rolling in money while she has nothing.

Equal doesn’t mean an equal percent. Being equal means feeling as equals.

you have flabbergasted me.

My husband earns about 5 times what I do.
We have always had shared bank account where everything goes in and out of.
I work part time to take care of OUR 3 kids- why should I have less money and suffer whilst he has loads of disposable income?! I don't think so.
I honestly do not understand how people can be a family but not willing to share money.

@Britpop123 I questioned a woman on this post about the same thing 🤷‍♀️

If he earns three times what she does and he is paying 2300 per month in mortgage and bills then she is underestimating how much he has left over by about a grand a month.

It's not about percentages and pounds I guess. I don't even know. It's just about how he's so separate from me financially and it's his money and my money, he would happily see me broke one month and still have money in his account. He's asked me to save for my car service as that's due. And he asks me for half if he goes to the shop to get something, or half for a take away knowing I've just done a large food shop.
It just doesn't feel like we are married with two children. It's just separate and cruel and very sad.

I know you're upset but I hope your sadness will soon turn to fury
How dare he treat you as a lower being!!
He views you with contempt and there is no changing that.
You say you don't want to break up your family, but it's already broken
You and "D"H should be a team, a partnership and a family
Trust me when I say, you will thrive without him in every way that counts
and so will your boys
Have a think, maybe get some legal advice as knowledge is power

Many higher earning women do exactly that, split in proportion. Some post on this very thread. Are they insane?

@MargotBamborough maybe I got it wrong how much he has left over, I don't have access to his accounts. But I know he gets paid around 4-5k and always seems able to buy things for himself etc and doesn't struggle. And I know his side of bills equates to around 2.5k

So your maths takes one set of her numbers. Mine takes another set. One is wrong. It could be either of us…

@uncomfortablydumb53 Thankyou. I appreciate that!❤️but how on earth would I afford to get legal advice with my little money left over a month?

Ok I take it back. He’s only paying 70% of the total when he earns 75%

Clearly abusive

@mumtoboys12 ignore the posts about percentages people are totally taking this the wrong way!

As I said in a previous post I earn over double what my husband earns and would never treat him that way.

Being equal doesn’t mean splitting bills equally it means feeling as equals and having respect for each other.

Your husband is living a lavish lifestyle while your left with nothing. That is insane and is not a marriage. Percentages have nothing to do with that.

Sorry to hear what you’re going through.

Well the point is, if his take home pay is about 4800 a month and he pays 1500 mortgage and 800 bills that leaves 2500.

So if he only has 1500 a month, 1000 a month has gone missing somewhere, hasn't it?

Regardless, the mortgage and bills amount to less than 50% of his take home pay, not 77%.

Yep I’ve seen op’s correction and you’re right
i think we both were saying the financial split isn’t the issue, his behaviour elsewhere is

Or to put it another way, he's paying less than 50% of his much higher take home pay compared to the OP paying 62.5% of her much lower take home pay (plus doing unpaid labour for the benefit of the whole family), leaving him with almost five times as much disposable income as the OP.

Yes, I'd call that abusive.

No, I'm saying both things are issues.

He is financially and verbally abusive.

Absolutely this.
@Britpop123 you have completely missed the point of this thread, and are nitpicking and not listening to the op. It isn't really the money, it's the attitude, the insults, the belittling of the op. He's just horrible. Whether it's 62% or 67% or whatever the numbers are does not matter at all. Marriages are supposed to be a team.

Honestly ltb

If you don't know what your husband is bringing home in his pay each month then this suggests you've no access to bank accounts and this seriously worries me. You're clearly intelligent but - like me - you've let a man browbeat you into not knowing essential things and it being completely normal and acceptable because you're the wife and main home person. You don't have to stay in this situation.

When you first got together you should have discussed things better so things would be more equal now. He sounds a selfish git.

If on mat leave raising your joint children and not earning a wage this is not on that you use savings.

Easiest fairest thing to do would be to pool resources into a joint account to cover ALL BILLS childcare, mortgage, utility, holidays etc and if you want each have some pocket money/own money the same amount regardless how much each one owns to spend as they see fit. If he has say an expensive hobby or socialises a lot he can use pocket money for this similar your pocket money can be spent on whatever floats your boat be it hairdo’s, beautician, socialising, hobbies etc etc.