Neighbours say they can only 'try' to control their child.

[sleeplessnights24]

I live in a new build. Everything has been ok, but the tenants upstairs have a 5 year old boy who doesn't stop stomping.

Running in the afternoon/normal hours is one thing, but this is in the early hours when people are clearly still asleep! It also happens in the middle of the night too...?! Surely a 5 year old can sleep through the night...? Also, why run if you're up that late?!

I noted the hours it happened. 5:30am, 5:40am, 6:30am - and weirdly 12:30am, 1:20am and 4:20am too. That's just in the last 3 weeks. On weekends it started at 6:50am and 5:40am. We are not just talking about brief periods of noise. It is often intermittent. The worst was 3:50am - which was intermittent until about 4:20am. Then again at 5:20am. Then at 7:30am. That night I didn't sleep at all since 3:50am.

Initially, all communications were fine. I only spoke up once I was at my wits end. I was polite - and so were they. No apology from their side though. They said they'd be mindful of the noise. Phew! I was grateful and hopeful to finally be able to sleep. I do not expect to live in silence (obviously), but stomping on your ceiling - when you're trying to sleep and it is still dark outside, is crazy.

A few months goes by... nothing changes. But because I had already complained once, I felt like I couldn't complain again... until I did.

Again, all polite from both sides. Said they'd be mindful. Ok.
Nothing changed again. Rinse & repeat. The noise - if anything - just got louder... so I spoke up again. Both sides nice and polite. They said it was 'confusing' that it was so loud. I asked multiple times if they'd like to come down and hear it for themselves as they didn't understand how it could be so disruptive. They ignored every invite to come listen.

They would say he 'only walks' on days I would be woken up in the morning - by running. They were/are defensive and looking for excuses. I get it. In many ways, I am not surprised. They kept saying they were 'being mindful' - but nothing ever changed. If the noise had reduced by 20% since I complained; at least that would be something. But there was literally no change.

I was transparent about having Bose headphones, white noise machines, etc... so they could see that I was doing things to drown out the noise from my side.

After 18 months of it happening on an almost daily basis, I complained to my building management Co. I had complained to management before - but their response was 'there's nothing we can do'. They didn't even pass on my sentiments to the owners of the flat.

This time I didn't relent - and asked them to pass/forward my email to the actual owners of the apartment upstairs. (Upstairs are renters). They did indeed forward my email to the owners.

I got a response saying the owners had spoken to their tenants - and the tenants have agreed to buy a rug and will 'try to control the movements of their child when possible'.

I took this as somewhat helpful - and was more angry that I was proven right in that what they'd done for the year prior - was nothing at all - certainly in terms of practical measures when they had told me there was nothing more they could do. Over the 18 months; there was one occasion where I (politely) asked what they had done to mitigate the noise... they didn't respond. (They have hardwood floors throughout).

For 8 weeks, they seemed to promptly stop the running in the middle of the night/early hours (which I only wanted stopped at unreasonable hours anyway) - but now we are back to square one it seems. I'm mindful of it being Winter (dark and awful weather outside) and also Christmas season, but I'm not sure why it keeps happening. They say the best they can do is 'try' to control it.

AIBU for not relenting and to keep complaining to management? The tenants have stopped opening my messages now.

He’s not walking, the very first post said he’s running and stomping. And yes, if you live in a shared building with people beneath you that is different to being in a house.

noted the hours it happened. 5:30am, 5:40am, 6:30am - and weirdly 12:30am, 1:20am and 4:20am too. That's just in the last 3 weeks. On weekends it started at 6:50am and 5:40am. We are not just talking about brief periods of noise. It is often intermittent. The worst was 3:50am - which was intermittent until about 4:20am. Then again at 5:20am. Then at 7:30am. That night I didn't sleep at all since 3:50am.

These are the hours OP is tal ki ing about, so a child got up at 3.50, went through and woke their parents, asked for a cup of milk 15 mins later, parents scuttled into kitchen to get a cup of milk, half an hour later child takes cupt omlitchen to be helpful as still awake, finally gets back to sleep... Wakes for the day an hour later. A person walking about their own home a few times over the course of an hour and a half is just not ridiculous.

5.30, 5.40, 6.30- this is discrete tokes so the first noise didntlast for 10 minutes or anything like it because there was another noise 10 mins later. So we're talking a few seconds of movement, a few seconds 10 mins later again maybe a child going to parents room, being taken back to own bed for a bit, then waking for the day.

This is not op saying this child runs relentlessly all day, she's saying for brief moments on the day a child moves around their own home without tiptoeing

Absolutely agree with this. Let them get evicted I bet the problem will magically be solved once they have to solve it to have somewhere to live.

If they came tonight I'd probably shut the door. I'm less at the end of my tether.

Again we only have OPs take on the noise level. And if you look at the way she describes the times I just don't think she's as reasonable as she, and you, think she is

It’s so amazing how you know this child calmly walked through to ask for some milk and is so helpful that they then returned the glass to the kitchen.
you sound absolutely batshit crazy. Maybe it’s the sleep deprivation.

And again, so what? OP lives there, the noise is waking her up. Why would someone lie if she could just remain asleep? From the rest of your posts I’d be reporting you to social services tbh. Sounds like your own kids are out of control and you can’t cope so you think OP should have to tolerate the same. She doesn’t.

@Cmonluv maybe OP should start playing bagpipes at 8.30am, I’m sure the upstairs neighbours won’t mind in the least.

I sound crazy but someone complaining they heard a person move about their own home, then again 10 mins later and thinks they should be evicted is totally sane?

I'm just giving scenarios on how those times make no sense for this being some massive issue. A child making a noise that lasts it sounds like a minute or so is not unreasonable

Can't speak for the neighbours, genuinely wouldn't bother me and if it did, I'd go out for a bit or turn up the TV or if it was everyday and bothered me I'd take responsibility for myself and.move away from the thing bothering me.

You sound mental because despite OP clearly stating the child is stomping and running about you’ve woven a tale whereby this poor ADHD riddled boy simply wants a glass of milk and is softly walking around to try and get one. You’ve added loads of random hypothetical facts to this scenario that there is no evidence of, and you’ve added things in that directly conflict with OP’s first post. So yes, you sound absolutely deranged to be honest

a child stomping around in the early hours of the morning, to the point where OP has bought earplugs is not the same as hearing someone move about in their own home. But obviously you know them better than anyone so maybe the poor precious can’t do anything wrong child who might or might not have sen just got up to tiptoe to the kitchen to get a glass of milk at 3am and OP is there, glass to the ceiling noting it down.

@Cmonluv 😂😂😂 yeah course you would!

I have a lot of sympathy with you OP. I lived in a London flat in a block for years and the noise never bothered me, then quite quickly (age/illness?) I found it did bother me and (with difficulty over 2 years) I moved. I suppose what I’m saying is how much noise is reasonable is subjective, even to me as the same person but at different stages of my life.

I’ve lived in a few places. In that same flat there was a period when one neighbour was a German woman and one a Jamaican man, both lovely people. I don’t want to generalise but from lots of living with different neighbours/cultures etc I feel that Germans tend to be quieter than Jamaicans. Neither makes the “correct” amount of noise, it’s subjective (leaving out examples of anti-social behaviour, DIY at midnight etc).

So I suppose I’m trying to say I don’t mean to criticise or tell you you’re in the wrong OP.

I do though agree with the posters here who say that because what the child is doing probably isn’t antisocial behaviour as defined, I don’t think further emails or complaints to landlord etc will help. Have you said directly to their faces after knocking on their door that you really appreciated the 8 weeks quiet, that you could hear their efforts to quiet him, that you hope he had a fun Xmas? You might find they appreciate it and it motivates them to start again. It might not of course, it’s just a suggestion!

I know from my experience that I personally found the noise of the one neighbour, even at night, much less draining than I found the complaints of the other neighbour. I would just see her coming towards me to ask me to also complain and my heart would sink. Her text messages even worse. I’m just that sort of person, for me a complainer is much more draining than someone who is getting on with their life as I see it, even if noisily. Many people I love (partner, sister, friends) are the opposite.

I live in quite a small village now and a lady recently moved here and after getting people’s numbers texted a few requests/complaints to different neighbours. Most people here (those who’ve lived here decades) were much more offended by her not really getting to know them or their families and by her putting things in a text rather than just asking them face to face, than they were about the actual requests. Sometimes it’s not what you’re asking but how, and in different places to different people different approaches are better.

You may have done all this, I’m just doing my best to think of helpful suggestions.

But I do think it is worth holding in mind that they might genuinely think that they have been reasonable and you are unreasonable, if for them it’s not very noisy and they think it’s a stage of growing up for example. They might not have the attitude at all that they just don’t care/aren’t bothered. I think some of the posts on here suggesting that they are just inconsiderate people and you should report, report, report are too ungenerous and ill advised.

My point is there are lots of ways this kid could be behaving I a perfectly reasonable manner, same as any kid in any home and their parents be affled as to why someone would complain.

If a noise happened at 5.30, then 5.40, how long do you suppose it lasted for? If those were discrete noise episodes.

The people extrapolating it to shit parents who don't care and no one asleep ignore a child running in steel toe capped boots up and down a hall for several hours or whatever you're imagining are not bashing it on the times op has stated at all

Jeez OP you have my complete sympathy. I have lived (for a short while) in a flat below someone and I lasted about 8 weeks before I bought a house in a rush to get the hell out of it. There was no kids - just a man and a grown up teenager. Both big men and what a noise. It was like the ceiling was coming down. After that I vowed never again living under anyone - you are just far too vunerable to whoever is above.

I live in a house now (relatively new build) and when my 9kg small dog is upstairs walking about I can hear him. There is just no soundproofing in new builds it seems.

It sounds like you have bent over backwards to pay for solutions for them which is jolly decent of you to offer to pay.

I think is is difficult to stop kids running but like you say it does not sound like they are really trying at all. I doubt they will change.

I think the answer is you are going to have to sell up and buy either a top floor flat or a house if you can afford. It's blood boiling when you are forced to do things you don't want to because of ignorant fuckers but they are not suffering just you.

So for your own mental health I would sell up and make sure your next flat is top floor. You should not have to do this to be able to sleep but living like this is no good. I hope you manage to get away from it.

several posts about how you have a sen child and more chaos would make meltdowns and stuff so much worse but you’d make him endure bagpipes every week at 8.30am and then when it became unbearable you would say ‘sorry kid we have to leave your school/friends/family/everything you know because poor mr (probably got adhd) bagpipes needs to play them so we’re going to spend all our savings on moving house’
I know you’re poorly darling sen child but I have to turn the tv up to 100 because of the bagpipes. I know it’s raining and you’re tired because you’ve been up all night tiptoeing around with a glass of milk but we can’t possibly tell mr bagpipes that we don’t like it, we have to be ok with it no matter what!’

I had very annoying downstairs neighbours once, inexplicably dug up my rose bushes to help with the gardening among other weird things. Went on for ages with her complaining about odd things like actually my sister being noisy in her bedroom that was right above their bedroom except shed complain on days my sister wasn't even in, I actually brought her up to show her 1 day, turned out to be water pipes clanginb, she seemed batshit so I moved.

Had a neighbour who played bagpipe music every Sunday morning with his flat door open to our adjoining close, tiny 1 bed flat too, we all lived in our homes happily, nodding in passing for around 4/5 years then he died. The guys who moved in in his place were absolutely lovely too, we lived there in total for 12 years.

Oh those parents are not baffled. They’ve said they’ll be mindful - they know the kid is noisy. They stopped it for 8 weeks and now won’t engage with OP. They haven’t said the child has ADHD or SEN of any kind, they didn’t answer OP when she asked how they managed to keep him quiet - they are fully aware what twats they are. And your timing point makes no sense. If a child runs and stomps for 2 minutes at 5.30 and again at 5.40 that is very disruptive. For some reason you are hellbent on the idea OP is unreasonable and too sensitive to noise etc when it’s very obvious you are projecting from your own situation with your kids and taking it personally because you/yours are likely also disruptive to other people.

No, he obviously wasn't there when there were bagpipes, it was just me and my husband, if we had it now we'd move. Unless it turned out to be one fo those noises he inexplicably loves.his responses are very random. 8.30am bagpipes wouldn't bother him I don't think as he's already well up and ready for his day. 5am maybe, although again he might just choose to join the chaos. He's not overly predictable.

But finut was issue I'd move yes

So say a child gets up, stomps for 2 minutes, parents stop him as fast as they can. What do you propose they do to improve on that? Whether child ai stomping to be a dick or for a reason?

And op has been complaining dn harassing and then gone to the landlord who clearly thinks op is unreasonable.
.if she goes to the council they can decide one way of the other.

Are you saying a noise fo a few stomps form about what sounds like 6 times a day would annoy you enough to go to those lengths?

So you’d disrupt your child’s life, make a major life changing decision, potentially move somewhere awful - because you think Mr Bagpipes (or noisy stompy child in this case) is more important and more entitled to live how they want than your own son.

Nope, I'd make sure to ove somewhere at least as suitable, I'd introduce the idea carefully, if include him and the rest of my family in the decision, we'd find somewhere we wanted to live more and we'd move there. I'm very fortunate that we could afford to do that. Mr bagpipes in the morning is practicing a musical instrument at a legally allowed hour 🤷 it might not be to my taste but then it's on me to fix that.

They’re not stopping him from stomping all night though are they? I’d tell him stomping isn’t allowed at night as we have neighbours beneath us and it’s not nice to wake them up, then if he doesn’t listen, whatever disciplinary measure I thought fit until he stops. Or do you not discipline your kids or teach them how to behave at all?

Landlord clearly doesn’t think OP is unreasonable - he spoke to the tenants and they went quiet. I’d go to more lengths than OP has!

And you really expect us to believe you’d spend thousands selling and moving rather than asking someone to stop playing bagpipes at ridiculous times? Are you quite stupid or just a doormat?

It’s not 6 times a day. It’s 6 times a night. You say you know what sleep deprivation is like but OP should just get on with it despite it not being her child? Stomps about for 2 minutes to parents bedroom who put him in bed - OP wakes up and takes a while to get back to sleep to be woken up by more stomping - presumably taking the random glass of milk to the kitchen - takes a while to get back to sleep again, to be woken up again by child stomping. x6 most nights. yes that would annoy me and I would want them gone.