Neighbours say they can only 'try' to control their child.

[sleeplessnights24]

I live in a new build. Everything has been ok, but the tenants upstairs have a 5 year old boy who doesn't stop stomping.

Running in the afternoon/normal hours is one thing, but this is in the early hours when people are clearly still asleep! It also happens in the middle of the night too...?! Surely a 5 year old can sleep through the night...? Also, why run if you're up that late?!

I noted the hours it happened. 5:30am, 5:40am, 6:30am - and weirdly 12:30am, 1:20am and 4:20am too. That's just in the last 3 weeks. On weekends it started at 6:50am and 5:40am. We are not just talking about brief periods of noise. It is often intermittent. The worst was 3:50am - which was intermittent until about 4:20am. Then again at 5:20am. Then at 7:30am. That night I didn't sleep at all since 3:50am.

Initially, all communications were fine. I only spoke up once I was at my wits end. I was polite - and so were they. No apology from their side though. They said they'd be mindful of the noise. Phew! I was grateful and hopeful to finally be able to sleep. I do not expect to live in silence (obviously), but stomping on your ceiling - when you're trying to sleep and it is still dark outside, is crazy.

A few months goes by... nothing changes. But because I had already complained once, I felt like I couldn't complain again... until I did.

Again, all polite from both sides. Said they'd be mindful. Ok.
Nothing changed again. Rinse & repeat. The noise - if anything - just got louder... so I spoke up again. Both sides nice and polite. They said it was 'confusing' that it was so loud. I asked multiple times if they'd like to come down and hear it for themselves as they didn't understand how it could be so disruptive. They ignored every invite to come listen.

They would say he 'only walks' on days I would be woken up in the morning - by running. They were/are defensive and looking for excuses. I get it. In many ways, I am not surprised. They kept saying they were 'being mindful' - but nothing ever changed. If the noise had reduced by 20% since I complained; at least that would be something. But there was literally no change.

I was transparent about having Bose headphones, white noise machines, etc... so they could see that I was doing things to drown out the noise from my side.

After 18 months of it happening on an almost daily basis, I complained to my building management Co. I had complained to management before - but their response was 'there's nothing we can do'. They didn't even pass on my sentiments to the owners of the flat.

This time I didn't relent - and asked them to pass/forward my email to the actual owners of the apartment upstairs. (Upstairs are renters). They did indeed forward my email to the owners.

I got a response saying the owners had spoken to their tenants - and the tenants have agreed to buy a rug and will 'try to control the movements of their child when possible'.

I took this as somewhat helpful - and was more angry that I was proven right in that what they'd done for the year prior - was nothing at all - certainly in terms of practical measures when they had told me there was nothing more they could do. Over the 18 months; there was one occasion where I (politely) asked what they had done to mitigate the noise... they didn't respond. (They have hardwood floors throughout).

For 8 weeks, they seemed to promptly stop the running in the middle of the night/early hours (which I only wanted stopped at unreasonable hours anyway) - but now we are back to square one it seems. I'm mindful of it being Winter (dark and awful weather outside) and also Christmas season, but I'm not sure why it keeps happening. They say the best they can do is 'try' to control it.

AIBU for not relenting and to keep complaining to management? The tenants have stopped opening my messages now.

@Cmonluv

No, let me help you out here, the upstairs renters causing the disturbance may have to move. AFTER either they or the landlord have put down a sound/thump layer if insulation & thick underlay & thick carpet.

between them they need to do this immediately. It should work, even if the child is heavy.

Your situation isn’t the same at all then, is it, because OP’s neighbours WERE able to stop the noise for 8 weeks and now can’t be bothered again

There’s a lot less sympathy for disabled adult men anyway.

The child will grow up. OP should insulate her ceiling, hang curtains, put rugs under her furniture, and shut her doors to minimise sound in her flat.

It's not fixing the issue, you know your child's experience and I know mine, measures help for short term periods and anything that disrupts our routine or sometimes for no reason we can fathom it just stops working until we find something else that works.

Lack of sleep is bloody awful, I've had about 45 mins tonight and it's been like this for weeks between my eldest not sleeping until midnight, getting up at night and the toddler having the flu so needing to be physically attached to me at all.tomes.

I swear if someone came to my door a week ago to complain about the noise (which they could have done, toddler up all night crying Inconsolably, 5 yr old not getting out due to sick toddler, us in and out to our of hours and kids hospital in the middle of the night, thank God my nextdoor neighbour is 97 and very deaf and also very lovely and had 7 children, 1 with additional needs as she tells me anytime I apologize) I'd have had some sort of breakdown. I was at my absolute limit for a few days. If someone came to my door and suggested I get some thick piled rugs I'd have sat on the floor and cried in front of them I think.

That may be what OP wants, it's very likely not what she'll get.

@beanontoast as I say in that post, sometimes you do something, it works for a while and then stops working.

Do you honesty think the parents would choose to have him running round at 3am?

@Cmonluv at least sitting on the floor and crying would have let them know you’re struggling and you’re trying. Saying there’s no noise or shutting the door in their face would just lead them to think you’re a tosser who doesn’t care.

There is no absolute right to have your neighbours keep quiet enough for you to sleep.
You don't think people with neighbours should expect to be able to sleep? Madness.

And the thing is, even if they move, it solves the problem for the OP but not for the next person!

This is a great idea, dyou know what helps a child who is being chaotic and really calms things down, more chaos! Yep, if my son's having a meltdown and the dog starts to alert that he may have a seizure, he absolutely loves it, sits down quietly and becomes instantly neurotypical. Definitely recommend adding to the chaos

I disagree. I think the landlord won’t want to deal with the situation and will evict them. Maybe then they can move somewhere more appropriate.

Yes, I do, because as I’ve said several times I’ve been in this situation and the parents in my building did not give a shit. They didn’t even pretend they’d be ‘mindful’ they just said that’s what kids are like etc. Some parents really could not give less of a shit, they think because they’ve gotten used to it or their sleep is disrupted that everyone else around them should have to tolerate it as well. All this hypothetical ‘he could have SEN’ is bollocks tbh, it’s just as likely that he’s a brat with crap parents. At the very least they are deceitful idiots pretending to be in denial about the noise when they were able to control it for 8 weeks so I really would not be giving such people the benefit of the doubt

Teh next person may not care, I lived in flats for years and had many atompy neighbours above me, running kid, barking dogs, not a problem on any level. Even the auld fella who used to live across the hall 2 decades ago from us who played loud bagpipe music on Sunday mornings at 8am, not a problem in anyway.

I wouldn't come knocking on your door if babies were crying but a 5yr old running around can be put in bed with mum and dad or one parent in his room to stop him getting out.

There are things to try in the ops situation and the only thing after 18months they have admitted to is putting a rug in the room that isn't even part of the problem.

She has even offered to pay for carpeting.

To me these parents do sound like they don't care tbh and in that case, yes I would be knocking.

I really hope you get some sleep by the way, I do understand.

Well it does if they rent a ground floor flat!

Not my problem, not OP’s problem, and for the thousandth time - nobody knows if this kid even IS neurodivergent. It’s like some of you can’t read, honestly

@Cmonluv there’s no evidence child has sen. No evidence that the parents are struggling or trying to help the situation. You’re making this into something it potentially isn’t because of your own experiences.
At the end of the day people are entitled to not have noise disturbances between 11pm-7am. Upstairs are being noisy most nights, council and landlord should be informed and they should be evicted, regardless of what is making the noise.

They’ve had 18 months to sort it, and won’t even engage meaningfully with OP, who has been very patient and understanding. Actions have consequences 🤷🏻‍♀️

Actually no, children don't just get up several times a night at 5 unless something's up, they don't typically run round their home while asleep, whole their parents may not know something's up beyond a child that's never slept well that doesn't mean nothing's up.

He may or may not have SEN, but he isn’t a brat.

He is a child walking on a floor. Probably a very overtired child.

So he is a brat because he lives in a flat? Sheesh. I need to sleep myself. I know it’s rubbish for the OP and I’m really sympathetic but MN is ridiculous when it comes to children’s behaviour at the moment. Literally all he’s doing is getting up and moving around his own home. Children who live in houses doing this aren’t doing anything wrong but you live in a flat and are a brat!

You do realize we only have her take.pn this? She's noting 10 mL in stints of noise throughout the day several times, for all we know the noise is not that thumpy and any other.person wouldn't even notice it significantly

You don’t know them but you’ve created this entire narrative in your head. My nephew was up all hours because he has shit parents who have no routine and no boundaries, it’s not all down to sen.
And yes I do hope OP makes them homeless because then they’ll be able to bid on a more appropriate property with the council or housing association and that would benefit everyone involved.

So what? It’s bothering OP, and OP is the one living beneath it. From your other post about all the noise you didn’t mind putting up with I can only assume you’re borderline deaf anyway

Is it you? Are you the noisy upstairs neighbour? Obviously we only have her take on it but whatever anyone says you’ve made up an entire story in your head and won’t consider you might be wrong.