Neighbours say they can only 'try' to control their child.

[sleeplessnights24]

I live in a new build. Everything has been ok, but the tenants upstairs have a 5 year old boy who doesn't stop stomping.

Running in the afternoon/normal hours is one thing, but this is in the early hours when people are clearly still asleep! It also happens in the middle of the night too...?! Surely a 5 year old can sleep through the night...? Also, why run if you're up that late?!

I noted the hours it happened. 5:30am, 5:40am, 6:30am - and weirdly 12:30am, 1:20am and 4:20am too. That's just in the last 3 weeks. On weekends it started at 6:50am and 5:40am. We are not just talking about brief periods of noise. It is often intermittent. The worst was 3:50am - which was intermittent until about 4:20am. Then again at 5:20am. Then at 7:30am. That night I didn't sleep at all since 3:50am.

Initially, all communications were fine. I only spoke up once I was at my wits end. I was polite - and so were they. No apology from their side though. They said they'd be mindful of the noise. Phew! I was grateful and hopeful to finally be able to sleep. I do not expect to live in silence (obviously), but stomping on your ceiling - when you're trying to sleep and it is still dark outside, is crazy.

A few months goes by... nothing changes. But because I had already complained once, I felt like I couldn't complain again... until I did.

Again, all polite from both sides. Said they'd be mindful. Ok.
Nothing changed again. Rinse & repeat. The noise - if anything - just got louder... so I spoke up again. Both sides nice and polite. They said it was 'confusing' that it was so loud. I asked multiple times if they'd like to come down and hear it for themselves as they didn't understand how it could be so disruptive. They ignored every invite to come listen.

They would say he 'only walks' on days I would be woken up in the morning - by running. They were/are defensive and looking for excuses. I get it. In many ways, I am not surprised. They kept saying they were 'being mindful' - but nothing ever changed. If the noise had reduced by 20% since I complained; at least that would be something. But there was literally no change.

I was transparent about having Bose headphones, white noise machines, etc... so they could see that I was doing things to drown out the noise from my side.

After 18 months of it happening on an almost daily basis, I complained to my building management Co. I had complained to management before - but their response was 'there's nothing we can do'. They didn't even pass on my sentiments to the owners of the flat.

This time I didn't relent - and asked them to pass/forward my email to the actual owners of the apartment upstairs. (Upstairs are renters). They did indeed forward my email to the owners.

I got a response saying the owners had spoken to their tenants - and the tenants have agreed to buy a rug and will 'try to control the movements of their child when possible'.

I took this as somewhat helpful - and was more angry that I was proven right in that what they'd done for the year prior - was nothing at all - certainly in terms of practical measures when they had told me there was nothing more they could do. Over the 18 months; there was one occasion where I (politely) asked what they had done to mitigate the noise... they didn't respond. (They have hardwood floors throughout).

For 8 weeks, they seemed to promptly stop the running in the middle of the night/early hours (which I only wanted stopped at unreasonable hours anyway) - but now we are back to square one it seems. I'm mindful of it being Winter (dark and awful weather outside) and also Christmas season, but I'm not sure why it keeps happening. They say the best they can do is 'try' to control it.

AIBU for not relenting and to keep complaining to management? The tenants have stopped opening my messages now.

Please read my earlier message, kids with ADHD often respond to changes positively then it stops helping. They're probably still doing whatever helped and the upheaval of school holidays, a bad cold, a falling out with a friend, so many potential factors means it's not working.

OP seriously - make your own noise every time he does - contact their landlord every time it happens - they will either shut him up because they don’t want the noise you’re making to disrupt them (world’s smallest violin) or the landlord will consider them such a nuisance they’ll get booted out. Worked for us. And we did not wait 18 months, youve been very patient IMO

@JemimaTiggywinkles

yeah, it is

its not a 'change of flooring to lay underlay & carpet over hard flooring as long as you leave the hard flooring down.

Can you please tell me what you'd do?

Actually being disabled DOES mean other people have to accommodate your disability. You may not like it but so many people refuse to, that there are laws protecting disabled people from the intolerant.

Be a dear and tell me what you'd do? How you'd manage a non sleeping, hyperactive child ? I'm always open to new ideas.

I can assure you by the way I do so much parenting with my SEN child, so much more than I do for my quiet, dainty daughter who is polite and behave beautifully, walks not runs and if she does run indoors is like a wee fairy tripping lace. Parents of beautifully behaved children are often parenting way less than parents of difficult children.

i don't need to be directed to read your earlier messages a) I've read them & b) I'm very familiar with kids with ADHD (quit acting like you're the only one, it's tedious FFS)

I said they need to do it, OR explain the the OP what they were doing & why it isn't now.

SHE has already acknowledge it may be because of eleventy different things but the noise is ramping up again & it can't!!

Yes. One day, about 11 months old, a baby wakes up fully able to regulate their emotions, not push boundaries, sleep through the night and fully understand the societal expectations and norms they were born into. It happens literally over night. Parenting is job done by 12 months 👍 For those five year old ‘slow learners’ I can’t understand why the parents don’t just keep them chained up. If it’s good enough for a dog….

It may have to, there may not be a solution so op will have to decide for she can live with it or if she needs to move

Put down underlay and rugs. Tell OP I’m really sorry but child has sen, I’ve put down underlay and rugs. Give child iPad if it’s stupid o’clock in the morning to stop them running round, co-sleep. Communicate with OP about what I’m trying to do and how horrible I feel about it.

as I said before, I have 2 noisy non sleepers and a neighbour who is lovely because we communicate, I take steps to reduce noise/calm situations and I apologise when I know they’ve been loud at unreasonable times.

Clearly neither are they

@TomeTome i guarantee they’d be a lot less sympathy if it was an adult man with mental health problems shouting at 2am.

@sleeplessnights24

keep on reporting the disturbance to their landlord. Reminding them that the noise stopped for 8 weeks, but it's ramping up again & you're going to have to get a solicitor involved because you cannot continue with this sleep deprivation. Suggest again that a good start would be getting the floor insulated & carpeted. (Stop offering to pay)

write (again??) to the council & anyone else you can think of).

@Cmonluv why do you think I'm up right now? I have a 7yr old with ASD, non verbal, hydrocephalus, periventricular leukomalacia, and spina bifida.
He doesn't sleep for more than 2hrs at a time, never has and likely never will.
Please believe me when I say I have insight.
The child stopped making the noise for 8 weeks so it is possible for them to fix the issue.

You say it’s a new build? All newly built homes have to build to Robust details ( basically sound proofing measures) or sound test before the property can be sold. If it’s that bad I would approach the developer or warranty provider to investigate. Hope this helps 😉

@Cmonluv @OhGoodie clearly you have both missed the part where the parents were able to stop the noise for 8 weeks. All this talk of ADHD when it doesn’t seem OP knows if this child has any issues like that or is simply a brat? Either way, I have zero sympathy for parents who have shown they are able to stop the noise but now can’t be bothered and just deny it instead.

Firstly op isn't entitled to their child's medical history

Secondly they may not KNOW he has SEN, when you only have 1 child and it's hard as hell and society tells you 'you chose to be a parent, control your child's you Believe them and no one will refer for ADHD until a child is 6 (unless they have other conditions like my son) so they've likely got no way to articulate what's happening and even less insight.

Thirdly your sen children and mine can be entirely different, you may be able to control the noise hours makes while I cat despite all the same parenting going on.

I would knock and suggest they get some thick rugs with underlay or if they can carpeting. I think this needs addressing BUT I also do know it’s hard for them to stop a child there sounds like there may be something else going on here maybe ADHD. Which can be so difficult they can’t really lock him up or tie him to a chair. BUT they also can’t expect people to have their homelife impacted in such a way, especially at the times your saying which is ridiculous.
Are they renting?? If so contact the landlord. If not keep pestering them until they feel like they have out grown the flat and need to move into a house 😂 only joking 😉

I didn’t experience this exact circumstance, I had an adjacent neighbour with children shrieking/screaming regularly, crashing noises like things being smashed, then the adults full on arguing with the children and each other. 24/7 domestics.

I went to council and referred to social services. Within 2 months they had moved out! Ultimately the household seemed quite stressed and unstable, and the children weren’t in a good environment.

If you read my posts you will see that often short term an issue can be fixed and when a child becomes used to them it can go backwards or when there is upheaval to routine, like Xmas holidays etc.

Complaining to the council is not actually a good idea because a) OP owns the flat and if she wants to sell in the future then this complaint has to be disclosed to interested buyers and b) unfortunately the council don’t do anything about noisy children, even with ludicrously unreasonable parents like these

@JingleSnowmanTree putting down underlay and soft covering (carpet) to reduce the noise would have been impossible in my old flat. Every door opened into the hallway (fire safety regs) so the doors needed to open over the top of the existing flooring (obviously). Such measures would have meant around 20cm of carpet every 75cm for around 4m of hallway. Fortunately my neighbours weren't twats. When you live in a block of flats you have to cope with more noise than a detached house (see origins "waiting for the other shoe to drop")

I did read your posts but they’re based on a hypothetical adhd issue and not just lazy shit parents. Who knows which is correct. Having been in this very situation I’d bet it’s the latter.

@Cmonluv you asked what I would do. I replied and now suddenly it’s ‘well your sen children and mine can be entirely different’
so why ask?
OP isn’t allowed to know IF there is any sen or difficulties. OP isn’t allowed to communicate with the poor sleepy parents who you’re sure are trying their best despite complete lack of communication. I mean of course OP isn’t entitled to know that they’re trying. OP should just live with disrespectful noisy neighbours or move right?!

@Cmonluv hasn’t missed that part. She answered it above. Things work for a while and they then stop.

Seriously, does anyone think the parents are going ‘hmm well we know a lavender bath works but we just can’t be bothered?’

My case isn’t anything like as extreme as some on here but I had a year of DS waking at around 5 and it was utterly miserable. But nothing I did changed it and a neighbour going on and on about it wouldn’t have helped anybody!