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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbours say they can only 'try' to control their child.

747 replies

sleeplessnights24 · 02/01/2024 23:50

I live in a new build. Everything has been ok, but the tenants upstairs have a 5 year old boy who doesn't stop stomping.

Running in the afternoon/normal hours is one thing, but this is in the early hours when people are clearly still asleep! It also happens in the middle of the night too...?! Surely a 5 year old can sleep through the night...? Also, why run if you're up that late?!

I noted the hours it happened. 5:30am, 5:40am, 6:30am - and weirdly 12:30am, 1:20am and 4:20am too. That's just in the last 3 weeks. On weekends it started at 6:50am and 5:40am. We are not just talking about brief periods of noise. It is often intermittent. The worst was 3:50am - which was intermittent until about 4:20am. Then again at 5:20am. Then at 7:30am. That night I didn't sleep at all since 3:50am.

Initially, all communications were fine. I only spoke up once I was at my wits end. I was polite - and so were they. No apology from their side though. They said they'd be mindful of the noise. Phew! I was grateful and hopeful to finally be able to sleep. I do not expect to live in silence (obviously), but stomping on your ceiling - when you're trying to sleep and it is still dark outside, is crazy.

A few months goes by... nothing changes. But because I had already complained once, I felt like I couldn't complain again... until I did.

Again, all polite from both sides. Said they'd be mindful. Ok.
Nothing changed again. Rinse & repeat. The noise - if anything - just got louder... so I spoke up again. Both sides nice and polite. They said it was 'confusing' that it was so loud. I asked multiple times if they'd like to come down and hear it for themselves as they didn't understand how it could be so disruptive. They ignored every invite to come listen.

They would say he 'only walks' on days I would be woken up in the morning - by running. They were/are defensive and looking for excuses. I get it. In many ways, I am not surprised. They kept saying they were 'being mindful' - but nothing ever changed. If the noise had reduced by 20% since I complained; at least that would be something. But there was literally no change.

I was transparent about having Bose headphones, white noise machines, etc... so they could see that I was doing things to drown out the noise from my side.

After 18 months of it happening on an almost daily basis, I complained to my building management Co. I had complained to management before - but their response was 'there's nothing we can do'. They didn't even pass on my sentiments to the owners of the flat.

This time I didn't relent - and asked them to pass/forward my email to the actual owners of the apartment upstairs. (Upstairs are renters). They did indeed forward my email to the owners.

I got a response saying the owners had spoken to their tenants - and the tenants have agreed to buy a rug and will 'try to control the movements of their child when possible'.

I took this as somewhat helpful - and was more angry that I was proven right in that what they'd done for the year prior - was nothing at all - certainly in terms of practical measures when they had told me there was nothing more they could do. Over the 18 months; there was one occasion where I (politely) asked what they had done to mitigate the noise... they didn't respond. (They have hardwood floors throughout).

For 8 weeks, they seemed to promptly stop the running in the middle of the night/early hours (which I only wanted stopped at unreasonable hours anyway) - but now we are back to square one it seems. I'm mindful of it being Winter (dark and awful weather outside) and also Christmas season, but I'm not sure why it keeps happening. They say the best they can do is 'try' to control it.

AIBU for not relenting and to keep complaining to management? The tenants have stopped opening my messages now.

OP posts:
Cmonluv · 03/01/2024 10:27

Daniagainagainagain · 03/01/2024 10:23

Disciplining the child would be a start. Not letting him RUN for hours at 3 in the morning is very different to handcuffing the child.

Lazy parenting on all parts here.
I feel for you OP. I know how soul destroying it is. We went through it and kept on at the landlord. Eventually the council came round and listened to the noise with a noise measurement tool and confirmed it was WAY above 'reasonable living'

In the end the landlord carpeted (reluctantly) the upstairs. But it came with us having our car keyed.

We were friends with the coupe above and actually helped them move out at a later date. We made every single effort to be as noisy as we could. Stamping and dropping things on the floor. We had moved out by then and our friends were moving out. Just to give them a literal taste of months and months of soul destroying, and in the end, deliberate noise.

The kids would ride on scooters indoors, bounce balls on the floor, run and jump, you could hear the parents egging them on.

I was suffering with cancer and had a very young baby. So I was petty back right at the end and had to regrets.

Contact the council and say it's affecting your mental and physical wellbeing, document everything, and implore a member of the council to come round and measure the sound. Record everything, every interaction, every time they wake you with banging.

Can you please describe how you would discipline a child getting up and moving around their home? What exactly would you do?

sleeplessnights24 · 03/01/2024 10:28

ValerieMoore · 03/01/2024 10:24

1 in 6 people do not sleep at night they sleep during the day

Oh please... don't even! 😂

OP posts:
SparklyOwls · 03/01/2024 10:28

We had an issue with someone upstairs who had their washing machine going every minute of the day, the machine was above our bedroom ceiling. She was constantly in and out with washing so I don't know what she was doing.

Theunamedcat · 03/01/2024 10:28

ValerieMoore · 03/01/2024 10:24

1 in 6 people do not sleep at night they sleep during the day

There is no expectation of quiet during daytime hours

ValerieMoore · 03/01/2024 10:28

Icantbedoingwithit · 03/01/2024 10:25

I just can’t. Ridiculous argument. Unbelievably stupid.

What’s stupid about it ? That not everyone sleeps to your cycle ?

Icantbedoingwithit · 03/01/2024 10:29

Cmonluv · 03/01/2024 10:27

Can you please describe how you would discipline a child getting up and moving around their home? What exactly would you do?

They must have done something because it stopped for 2 months when the lanlord got involved.

Icantbedoingwithit · 03/01/2024 10:30

ValerieMoore · 03/01/2024 10:28

What’s stupid about it ? That not everyone sleeps to your cycle ?

Cop on.

Lovelyjubbbly · 03/01/2024 10:30

I would love to sleep all night un disrupted but unfortunately that’s just not possible when children are involved it’s not just the the person below suffering it’s also the parents in my case anyway! Children need to LIVE!!!! bugger of to the ones that have any thing to say kids will also be kids it’s also winter and. Cost of living some people can’t get out to take there kids places so some people have no choice 😐

Theunamedcat · 03/01/2024 10:30

ValerieMoore · 03/01/2024 10:28

What’s stupid about it ? That not everyone sleeps to your cycle ?

It's irrelevant because OP isn't asking for it to be quiet all the time just in the night when the average person is trying to sleep

Cmonluv · 03/01/2024 10:31

Icantbedoingwithit · 03/01/2024 10:29

They must have done something because it stopped for 2 months when the lanlord got involved.

I'm asking what you would do

Also something can work for several weeks then stop working due to for example disruption to routine with school holidays. As I've said many times.

I really, genuinely want to hear how you'd discipline this child, what would you do?

ValerieMoore · 03/01/2024 10:32

Theunamedcat · 03/01/2024 10:30

It's irrelevant because OP isn't asking for it to be quiet all the time just in the night when the average person is trying to sleep

It is relevant because society should be inclusive of the high proportion of night people

ValerieMoore · 03/01/2024 10:33

OP I just think this is inevitable when people are crammed in living together like this

Icantbedoingwithit · 03/01/2024 10:35

Cmonluv · 03/01/2024 10:31

I'm asking what you would do

Also something can work for several weeks then stop working due to for example disruption to routine with school holidays. As I've said many times.

I really, genuinely want to hear how you'd discipline this child, what would you do?

I never mentioned anything about disciplining the child. School holidays? This is going on a year and a half. They did nothing. Landlord gets involved they it suddenly goes quiet for 2 months? They did something that worked and now they can’t be arsed.

oakleaffy · 03/01/2024 10:36

Icantbedoingwithit · 03/01/2024 10:29

They must have done something because it stopped for 2 months when the lanlord got involved.

Exactly this.

If they could stop the kid stamping about then, why can't they now?

The kid sounds like he needs to be properly exercised. A good hard run in the park or streets - rather than manic rat-running along corridors in the early hours.

Justthisonce123 · 03/01/2024 10:36

I had a similar situation and I really feel for you. It made me into a different person: I was constantly anxious and stressed in my own home. It was hellish. We tried everything, including soundproofing our ceiling which was very expensive. In the end we decided to sell up and move and it's one of the best decisions I've ever made. I understand that's not always possible, but I wanted you to know you're not alone and it really is an awful situation to find yourself in.

Theunamedcat · 03/01/2024 10:37

Cmonluv · 03/01/2024 10:31

I'm asking what you would do

Also something can work for several weeks then stop working due to for example disruption to routine with school holidays. As I've said many times.

I really, genuinely want to hear how you'd discipline this child, what would you do?

You keep saying discipline like your expectations are suggestions of beating and abuse the only suggestions have been that they find another way to occupy the child when they cannot sleep or if they won't do that then they mitigate the noise with rugs and matting they clearly couldn't be bothered until the landlord got involved then the noise reduced so they can clearly do SOMETHING the noise probably isn't that loud in their flat so they think OP is being fussy

And yes some parents will sleep through their child running about mine made himself breakfast at three years old and I slept right through it (I now have alert bells everywhere)

Spaghettieis · 03/01/2024 10:38

sleeplessnights24 · 03/01/2024 10:18

My point is - it's not about the fact that he might need the toilet - or something equally (obviously) reasonable.

It's about the fact the stomping/running continues throughout these timeframes. 30+ mins of stomping - followed by quietness. Followed by it starting up again... etc.. Of course; if he had a bad dream or something; he would naturally go to his parents and get settled again - that's not the case here. I suspect he's being left to his own devices - until the parents finally do something about it.

I wonder if the parents are actually telling him to run off some energy if he can’t get to sleep?

fitzwilliamdarcy · 03/01/2024 10:42

Cmonluv · 03/01/2024 10:01

I've lived in flats, including as a young person who worked all hours under a family with a child in a poorly insulated cottage flat. People make noise 🤷 unless someone is deliberately regularly partying late at night it never annoyed me. Even then it would need to be VERY regularly

OK, but that's you, so...

fitzwilliamdarcy · 03/01/2024 10:50

Lovelyjubbbly · 03/01/2024 10:30

I would love to sleep all night un disrupted but unfortunately that’s just not possible when children are involved it’s not just the the person below suffering it’s also the parents in my case anyway! Children need to LIVE!!!! bugger of to the ones that have any thing to say kids will also be kids it’s also winter and. Cost of living some people can’t get out to take there kids places so some people have no choice 😐

Cost of living and winter means that kids can't go to the playground or park or even on a walk anymore? Bizarre, these modern parenting rules.

Cmonluv · 03/01/2024 10:53

Theunamedcat · 03/01/2024 10:37

You keep saying discipline like your expectations are suggestions of beating and abuse the only suggestions have been that they find another way to occupy the child when they cannot sleep or if they won't do that then they mitigate the noise with rugs and matting they clearly couldn't be bothered until the landlord got involved then the noise reduced so they can clearly do SOMETHING the noise probably isn't that loud in their flat so they think OP is being fussy

And yes some parents will sleep through their child running about mine made himself breakfast at three years old and I slept right through it (I now have alert bells everywhere)

No I genuinely want to know what people expect becaus when my son has a rampage I do all kinds of things but am I missing something? When people they they expect parents to discipline the child, how? If what they've tried isn't working? How are you suggesting the discipline a child for waking, which children don't do on purpose, or going for a wander? WHAT are people suggesting?

Cmonluv · 03/01/2024 10:53

Spaghettieis · 03/01/2024 10:38

I wonder if the parents are actually telling him to run off some energy if he can’t get to sleep?

Very very unlikely, they're not sleeping through a child stopping so loudly in their home that isn't shaking he flat below

Cmonluv · 03/01/2024 10:54

Icantbedoingwithit · 03/01/2024 10:35

I never mentioned anything about disciplining the child. School holidays? This is going on a year and a half. They did nothing. Landlord gets involved they it suddenly goes quiet for 2 months? They did something that worked and now they can’t be arsed.

People are asking why it stopped then started again a couple weeks ago... School holidays.

Gwenhwyfar · 03/01/2024 10:56

HundredMilesAnHour · 03/01/2024 00:09

I'm sorry, you think my attitude is vile, but I'm sorry but you have NO idea what its like to deal with a child who will not sleep.

I think the OP has EVERY idea what's it's like dealing with a child who will not sleep. She's being kept awake by one and she didn't even choose to have a child! So yes @RedToothBrush your attitude is indeed vile.

Yes, I remember my upstairs neighbour saying 'I can't live like this' with her noisy child and me downstairs thinking the same thing. I was hearing everything the same when I hadn't chosen to have a child!

My neighbours have complained about the sound of my feet on the floor. I wear slippers instead of shoes, but I can't have rugs because of allergies and obviously I don't stomp or run. The problem is really with the landlord who would need to sound proof the floor.

Icantbedoingwithit · 03/01/2024 10:57

Cmonluv · 03/01/2024 10:53

No I genuinely want to know what people expect becaus when my son has a rampage I do all kinds of things but am I missing something? When people they they expect parents to discipline the child, how? If what they've tried isn't working? How are you suggesting the discipline a child for waking, which children don't do on purpose, or going for a wander? WHAT are people suggesting?

Yet again, because you don’t seem to be grasping it, they found a solution for TWO months. Who knows what they did but it worked. Funny that…

Dancerprancer19 · 03/01/2024 10:58

To Be honest when I lived in a ground floor flat I hear absolutely every little thing above me. But I think it’s just the nature of these flats that they are badly built. It’s not fair or reasonable to expect families to be able to stop a child moving around. Children do run about. It’s totally normal behaviour for most children. The reality is that if you make a lot of fuss the landlord will just evict them. It’s an awful situation for you all and is more about our poor housing stock than anyone doing anything wrong. Can you move bedroom op?

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