Neighbours say they can only 'try' to control their child.

[sleeplessnights24]

I live in a new build. Everything has been ok, but the tenants upstairs have a 5 year old boy who doesn't stop stomping.

Running in the afternoon/normal hours is one thing, but this is in the early hours when people are clearly still asleep! It also happens in the middle of the night too...?! Surely a 5 year old can sleep through the night...? Also, why run if you're up that late?!

I noted the hours it happened. 5:30am, 5:40am, 6:30am - and weirdly 12:30am, 1:20am and 4:20am too. That's just in the last 3 weeks. On weekends it started at 6:50am and 5:40am. We are not just talking about brief periods of noise. It is often intermittent. The worst was 3:50am - which was intermittent until about 4:20am. Then again at 5:20am. Then at 7:30am. That night I didn't sleep at all since 3:50am.

Initially, all communications were fine. I only spoke up once I was at my wits end. I was polite - and so were they. No apology from their side though. They said they'd be mindful of the noise. Phew! I was grateful and hopeful to finally be able to sleep. I do not expect to live in silence (obviously), but stomping on your ceiling - when you're trying to sleep and it is still dark outside, is crazy.

A few months goes by... nothing changes. But because I had already complained once, I felt like I couldn't complain again... until I did.

Again, all polite from both sides. Said they'd be mindful. Ok.
Nothing changed again. Rinse & repeat. The noise - if anything - just got louder... so I spoke up again. Both sides nice and polite. They said it was 'confusing' that it was so loud. I asked multiple times if they'd like to come down and hear it for themselves as they didn't understand how it could be so disruptive. They ignored every invite to come listen.

They would say he 'only walks' on days I would be woken up in the morning - by running. They were/are defensive and looking for excuses. I get it. In many ways, I am not surprised. They kept saying they were 'being mindful' - but nothing ever changed. If the noise had reduced by 20% since I complained; at least that would be something. But there was literally no change.

I was transparent about having Bose headphones, white noise machines, etc... so they could see that I was doing things to drown out the noise from my side.

After 18 months of it happening on an almost daily basis, I complained to my building management Co. I had complained to management before - but their response was 'there's nothing we can do'. They didn't even pass on my sentiments to the owners of the flat.

This time I didn't relent - and asked them to pass/forward my email to the actual owners of the apartment upstairs. (Upstairs are renters). They did indeed forward my email to the owners.

I got a response saying the owners had spoken to their tenants - and the tenants have agreed to buy a rug and will 'try to control the movements of their child when possible'.

I took this as somewhat helpful - and was more angry that I was proven right in that what they'd done for the year prior - was nothing at all - certainly in terms of practical measures when they had told me there was nothing more they could do. Over the 18 months; there was one occasion where I (politely) asked what they had done to mitigate the noise... they didn't respond. (They have hardwood floors throughout).

For 8 weeks, they seemed to promptly stop the running in the middle of the night/early hours (which I only wanted stopped at unreasonable hours anyway) - but now we are back to square one it seems. I'm mindful of it being Winter (dark and awful weather outside) and also Christmas season, but I'm not sure why it keeps happening. They say the best they can do is 'try' to control it.

AIBU for not relenting and to keep complaining to management? The tenants have stopped opening my messages now.

You’re getting a lot of the typical responses on here from parents who are utterly useless and proud of it, it seems.

They’ve managed to stop it for 8 weeks. So it absolutely is possible unlike what some PPs would have you believe.

It would be one thing if they were open and honest with you and apologised for it- wouldn’t normal people be mortified if their child was keeping their neighbours awake on a regular basis?

The OP is asking for them to take their own measures like putting carpet/mats/rugs down to buffer the noise and they’re refusing. How is that reasonable?

Noise is normal and part of living around people but we have to be reasonable. Be woken multiple times every night is not reasonable. OP has taken her own measures and nothing works as the noise is impact noise which includes vibration.

Too many people take the attitude of “they’re kids!” And throw their hands up if they’re asked or expected to parent. Yes, they’re kids and they’re also kids that were chosen so parent them!

The fact that he was able to stop for 8 weeks means that it can be done and it’s a choice that they’ve stopped doing whatever they were doing. So it’s not a case of he has a diagnosis of something and they’re doing their best but unable to stop it.

even if he did have a diagnosis of something, why would anyone choose to rent an upstairs flat knowing that?

But the stomping/running goes on for 20/30+ mins each time... it's not just a case of running to parents after a potential bad dream etc...

Yet the timings you quote have running at 5.30, running at 5 to, running at 6.30... as discrete running times so each bout must be considerably less tha. 10 mins for. 5.30 and 5.40 to be separate bouts in your mind

Wish you were our downstairs neighbour OP. We are having similar sound issues with our 2 year old but only during the day (when they aren't at nursery) and our neighbours have made our lives a living hell to the point we're having to move as don't feel safe. So I really appreciate that you're more oriented to solutions!

Anyway just wanted to say we have tried foam mats and rugs and apparently they haven't done so much. Our problem seems to be in the inadequate insulation in the floor, but we also rent and so can't do anything about this. Landlord sticking their head in the sand and saying there is no problem and downstairs just have to accept kids make noise. Guess they can do that as they aren't being threatened by an angry man because their kids are moving about in their own home at 6am...

So I'd suggest you dig in to what they've used to insulate the floors and see if it's adequate (even though it's a new build), and agree with PP about maybe insulating your ceiling. It's sad that you have to pay so much yourself to solve the issue though. Hope it all resolves itself soon!

After 18 months of it happening on an almost daily basis,

Op, it should be the landlord paying for that not you. Tell your demands to the LL and threaten them with the council. The LL won’t want a dispute on file.

The running goes on for about 20/30+ each time - so it's not just a short burst. I do know what you are saying though about a brief run being a different matter.

I have offered to pay for the rugs with underlay/foam mats - and even offered to pay for the carpeting.

I have children and grandchildren.

It would drive me insane.

What's your point?

I just think it’s stange you don’t hear them at all putting him back to bed. No voices, nobody except him thrashing around. Unless he gets into their bed and then gets up again.
People keep saying there is nothing the parents can do about it, not true. They managed 2 months with no noise when the landlord got onto them, how did they achieve this? 8 full weeks with nothing but now things have died down and they don’t bother anymore? Bullshit. I would actually understand their situation a lot more if they HAD NOT managed the situation for so long but they did. So obviously something CAN be done and they just don’t do it.
I think you gave been very gracious OP, you were nice and didn’t lose your shit, offered to pay for everything and it is still going on.

I live in a large older block of flats - we are not supposed to have hardwood floors exception is a vinyl flooring in bathroom and kitchen.
I have an upstairs neighbour who likes to 'drop' things on the floor loudly in the middle of the night- I am pretty sure they must have got hardwood floor despite this cos it wouldn't make that much noise with carpet.

Sadly nor will the OP if she ever wants to sell...

I'm just wondering if op finds child noise particularly irritating not having been exposed to it as much. Also if she's elderly or very young so maybe first time moved out of home or from a house to a flat. Just trying to find context and understanding

i lived in a flat many years ago, where my kitchen was above the bedroom below. I wasn’t up at very strange hours but I did get up fairly early for work. The woman in the flat below complained to the landlord about noise levels particularly on weekends when she wanted a lie in, as she could hear every footstep, even my electric kettle boiling. The landlord carpeted my kitchen, which was grim (hideous synthetic carpet that was a nightmare while cooking) but did make a big difference to the tenant below.
The landlord should be insisting that they lay carpet or rugs, with underlay, in the hallways and bedrooms.
Can you record the noise and send the tape to the landlord ?

There could be a good reason for not having a carpet like asthma

NOBODY should have their quality of life impaired like that. Put up and shut up mentality. It CAN be fixed, it WAS fixed and now they either don’t care or can’t be bothered.

See this though is why it sounds like op is focussing on 1 thing because it can't be the only noise. There will be conversation, parents footsteps, things will fall, toys etc, I just can't fathom the focus on this 1 aspect so wonder if op struggles with kids specifically, maybe has mispphonia herself so hears that 1 noise above all others.

I would move op. We once rented a lovely flat above a butchers. No-one mentioned that at 5.30 the butchers fed seagulls with scraps below the bedroom which squawked for more. We politely complained; our amazon parcels started to go missing, although they'd supposedly been taken in by shop.
Moved out after 6m lease up and told landlady it was unlikely her next tenants would last longer. How long to go on your lease?
Agree they can't stop their child running about in his own home but should be buying rugs to mitigate.

Or maybe the kid is left to their own devices. Funny how the stomping stopped for 2 months when the landlord got involved.

I really believe some precious neighbours will never be happy, whatever people do. It is give and take on both sides. People seem to forget that.

I've offered up solutions, taken a number of measure on my side, been patient, etc... finally saw some change after 18 months - until we were back to square one.

Thankfully; their LL actually seems level-headed - as does the building management company - who are insisting on documenting everything noise related. But will be intrigued to see what they come back with since our last communication. They were grateful that I offered to pay - since I mentioned it twice now, but let's see if they actually take me up on it. I have a feeling the LL won't want to install carpet, but will take me up on the rugs/foam mats offer.

She owns, they rent.

Does your block have a management company ?
In my block there is a rule of no unreasonable noise after 11pm - ie no loud music or using the rubbish Shute after 8pm !
If there is a noise rule In the lease agreement then they would be breaching this if child is running up and down excessively in the night.have you tried doing a recording of the noise and sending it to the management company

Oh god! That sounds like an ordeal!

I do not rent. I own. They are renters. I offered to pay for the rugs/mats and carpeting.

Left to their own devices int he sense the parents aren't even in the apartment? She doesn't hear hoovering? Washing machine? Doesn't hear them take their shoes off as they come in? Doesn't hear them loading the dishwasher? Not just doesn't hear them deal with the child.

Also doesn't hear the child speak? Sing? Whoop? Nothing? Just their feet?

If a kid is left to run riot you don't just hear footsteps you hear the accompanying crap an unsupervised 5 yr old gets up to

for the last 8 years we had some not-close noisy neighbours. The 2 children would spend all day every day (apart from school) screaming blue murder in the garden from first thing to late at night. The dad would come and basically shout their names at them, they ignored him. The noise of him was almost worse.

Thankfully the eldest is 15 and it’s stopped. Except I spoke to their neighbour and she said but hasn’t stopped, it’s just inside. It’s 5am until late, screaming, shouting, running up and down stairs, banging. This is a Victorian house. Neighbour has rearranged her whole house to try and avoid listening to the noise.
There’s no SEN. Just ignorant parents. I grew up in a detached house, we weren’t allowed just to be noisy. We don’t know the child is SEN, some children just don’t sleep.

Maybe op doesn’t notice those sounds because they tend to happen when she’s not trying to sleep. Maybe she doesn’t mention them because as a normal person you expect you might hear someone hoovering or their washing machine in a flat.

She’s said she hears stomping and running and as if toys are being thrown / bounced off the floor.