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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbours say they can only 'try' to control their child.

747 replies

sleeplessnights24 · 02/01/2024 23:50

I live in a new build. Everything has been ok, but the tenants upstairs have a 5 year old boy who doesn't stop stomping.

Running in the afternoon/normal hours is one thing, but this is in the early hours when people are clearly still asleep! It also happens in the middle of the night too...?! Surely a 5 year old can sleep through the night...? Also, why run if you're up that late?!

I noted the hours it happened. 5:30am, 5:40am, 6:30am - and weirdly 12:30am, 1:20am and 4:20am too. That's just in the last 3 weeks. On weekends it started at 6:50am and 5:40am. We are not just talking about brief periods of noise. It is often intermittent. The worst was 3:50am - which was intermittent until about 4:20am. Then again at 5:20am. Then at 7:30am. That night I didn't sleep at all since 3:50am.

Initially, all communications were fine. I only spoke up once I was at my wits end. I was polite - and so were they. No apology from their side though. They said they'd be mindful of the noise. Phew! I was grateful and hopeful to finally be able to sleep. I do not expect to live in silence (obviously), but stomping on your ceiling - when you're trying to sleep and it is still dark outside, is crazy.

A few months goes by... nothing changes. But because I had already complained once, I felt like I couldn't complain again... until I did.

Again, all polite from both sides. Said they'd be mindful. Ok.
Nothing changed again. Rinse & repeat. The noise - if anything - just got louder... so I spoke up again. Both sides nice and polite. They said it was 'confusing' that it was so loud. I asked multiple times if they'd like to come down and hear it for themselves as they didn't understand how it could be so disruptive. They ignored every invite to come listen.

They would say he 'only walks' on days I would be woken up in the morning - by running. They were/are defensive and looking for excuses. I get it. In many ways, I am not surprised. They kept saying they were 'being mindful' - but nothing ever changed. If the noise had reduced by 20% since I complained; at least that would be something. But there was literally no change.

I was transparent about having Bose headphones, white noise machines, etc... so they could see that I was doing things to drown out the noise from my side.

After 18 months of it happening on an almost daily basis, I complained to my building management Co. I had complained to management before - but their response was 'there's nothing we can do'. They didn't even pass on my sentiments to the owners of the flat.

This time I didn't relent - and asked them to pass/forward my email to the actual owners of the apartment upstairs. (Upstairs are renters). They did indeed forward my email to the owners.

I got a response saying the owners had spoken to their tenants - and the tenants have agreed to buy a rug and will 'try to control the movements of their child when possible'.

I took this as somewhat helpful - and was more angry that I was proven right in that what they'd done for the year prior - was nothing at all - certainly in terms of practical measures when they had told me there was nothing more they could do. Over the 18 months; there was one occasion where I (politely) asked what they had done to mitigate the noise... they didn't respond. (They have hardwood floors throughout).

For 8 weeks, they seemed to promptly stop the running in the middle of the night/early hours (which I only wanted stopped at unreasonable hours anyway) - but now we are back to square one it seems. I'm mindful of it being Winter (dark and awful weather outside) and also Christmas season, but I'm not sure why it keeps happening. They say the best they can do is 'try' to control it.

AIBU for not relenting and to keep complaining to management? The tenants have stopped opening my messages now.

OP posts:
sleeplessnights24 · 03/01/2024 08:27

MintJulia · 03/01/2024 08:21

Unfortunately children do wake up early. Often they get out of bed at night. Some children have a 'stompy' gait. My ds is light footed and naturally quiet, his cousin is the same age and makes five times the noise, and he runs everywhere. He throws himself at life - his natural pace.

Those things, I doubt there is anything the parents can do. Better than the child screaming because it isn't allowed out of bed.

I think your best bet is to press the owners & the management company to install carpets with underlay. Legally though, the sound is normal living noise so they aren't required to do anything.

Or consider moving.

Agreed. As per my previous posts; I did acknowledge this (early risers). I still am not sure what the 1:20am, 3:50am, 4:20am, 5:20am etc... is about because that's very much the middle of the night.

I also said that children are indeed 'heavy footed' and 'stomp' into every step. I also said their default method of getting from A to B is to run.

I completely agree RE: carpets with underlay - which I offered to pay for in my latest communication!

OP posts:
Tacotortoise · 03/01/2024 08:27

If they need the toilet then they can go - quietly. If they have a bad dream they can come find me or call me - quietly. If they wake up early they can stay in bed and read or quietly go into the front room and watch TV or play on the (in those days) wii. If they wake me up then tv/wii goes off. Trust me, they were ninja stealthy to avoid that.

Mikimoto · 03/01/2024 08:28

They're gonna STOMP
Allll night
In the neighbourhoodddd...

Didimum · 03/01/2024 08:30

sleeplessnights24 · 03/01/2024 08:27

Agreed. As per my previous posts; I did acknowledge this (early risers). I still am not sure what the 1:20am, 3:50am, 4:20am, 5:20am etc... is about because that's very much the middle of the night.

I also said that children are indeed 'heavy footed' and 'stomp' into every step. I also said their default method of getting from A to B is to run.

I completely agree RE: carpets with underlay - which I offered to pay for in my latest communication!

4:20 and 5.20 is middle of the night to you, but it’s not to a 5yr old. Some (plenty sadly) do rise this early to start the day. At 1am and 3am, I imagine it’s him going to bathroom.

Mikimoto · 03/01/2024 08:31

Get up and ring their doorbell every every time it happens - maybe there's a second sleeping parent who will get the message!

Ascubudr · 03/01/2024 08:31

Passingthethyme · 03/01/2024 08:23

Well it's not idea but if he can't sit quietly and read or do a puzzle or something, they should put him in front of a screen. BTW, my 2.5 year old doesn't need to constantly be running around so a 5 yo should en able to manage. Also if the parents know they can't control their child they shouldn't be choosing to live above another person. I feel for you OP, living like this must be an absolute nightmare

I love this. A puzzle = 20 mins max. Hours of screen time (5-8am) really not ideal and in any event the child would definitely need feeding in that time or should he be fed in front of the TV so adults' quiet mornings aren't disturbed ? People aren't actually advocating parenting or discipline ( in the original meaning of " to teach") they are advocating pacifying and sedating ( with screens for hours on end) no sorry not good parenting in any way shape or form.

sleeplessnights24 · 03/01/2024 08:34

Ascubudr · 03/01/2024 08:21

I an still waiting for you toexplain how you would deal withan early waking 5yo ?

What an attitude.

I'd make the child not stomp/run - and do something quietly. If a child is up at 5am, they can play quietly, read, build Lego, solve a jigsaw puzzle, watch something on TV - until a reasonable hour. There is such a thing as 'quiet play'.

There's no need for stomping/running to be the only option at 5am! Spare me - and get a grip.

OP posts:
Tandora · 03/01/2024 08:34

sleeplessnights24 · 03/01/2024 06:43

People seem to think I have reported them to the council/tried to get them evicted. Other posts have said that their landlord thinks I'm unreasonable - which is 100% untrue. Also, apparently according to these posts - the child now has SEN/ADHD - and some posters seem to know his exact movements/reasons for stomping at night. How utterly informative! 😂

Another post said I wasn't doing enough from my side. Another said I should feel bad for 'evicting a family after Christmas' - when I never said anything of the sort - or wanting to do so.

Here is a quote from my original post: “For 8 weeks, they seemed to promptly stop the running in the middle of the night/early hours (which I only wanted stopped at unreasonable hours anyway).”

People seem to have missed the part where I said I had hoped the repeated instances of running - I repeat - which wasn't one-off to stop at night-time.

This was indeed possible - after their LL got involved - and all was fine.

A lot of people are commenting from their own experiences - which is great - and I welcome that - and others are frankly, projecting!

I have reached out to their LL again via email and noted all the dates/times in the past month of stomping - and have said when I’ll be back on home turf. I can only hope we get back to a place where we were indeed able to sleep in our own home.

I know I have bent over backwards. I know nothing changed in 18 months. (After all; I’m the one living there). I know something only changed once their LL got involved. If we can’t reach a resolution, either they will have to move - or I will have to move.

That’s the bottom line.

I have reached out to their LL again via email and noted all the dates/times in the past month of stomping - and have said when I’ll be back on home turf. I can only hope we get back to a place where we were indeed able to sleep in our own home

😱😱😱. You sound like the neighbour from hell.

you have no recourse to prevent the living noise of a 5 year old child walking on the floor.

Thats the bottom line.

Didimum · 03/01/2024 08:35

I doubt the management want to install carpets even if you do pay for them, OP. They will likely see them as too much upkeep for their long-term rentals.

oakleaffy · 03/01/2024 08:36

@sleeplessnights24 That sounds horrendous.
Something really bad about having stamping coming directly above your head.
does the stamping child wear shoes indoors?

He probably runs ''flat footed'' as well.

Next door used to have a frightful boy who used to visit every Friday.. have no idea how old he was, but he shrieked and stamped.

Every bloody Friday he'd manically stamp up and down the stairs like a crazed hamster on a wheel for a few hours.

The whole house would shake.
{Victorian terrace}

He clearly needed more hard exercise.

I bet the parents of the 5 yr old don't exercise him enough- kids shouldn't be stamping about at those hours.

I feel your pain.

sleeplessnights24 · 03/01/2024 08:36

Ascubudr · 03/01/2024 08:31

I love this. A puzzle = 20 mins max. Hours of screen time (5-8am) really not ideal and in any event the child would definitely need feeding in that time or should he be fed in front of the TV so adults' quiet mornings aren't disturbed ? People aren't actually advocating parenting or discipline ( in the original meaning of " to teach") they are advocating pacifying and sedating ( with screens for hours on end) no sorry not good parenting in any way shape or form.

As I said; a puzzle isn't the only option. Of course, a child would need feeding too! Does that also involve running/stomping? No. Of course not.

When you live in a shared building, yes - you do indeed have to make concessions - and keep reasonably quiet (which is not the same as dead silence) until an acceptable hour! It's not that hard to understand.

OP posts:
MyDogsPaws · 03/01/2024 08:37

My 6yo does several high speed sprints through the house from his bedroom to mine in the middle of the night as he’s scared of the dark so runs through every time he wakes up! I can imagine how annoying this would be for neighbours if I lived in a flat. Not sure how I would stop him doing this though as it’s hard to tell a terrified 6yo not to run away from monsters etc.
Surely the landlord should step up and carpet the flat, hardwood floors in an upstairs flat aren’t really acceptable!

Passingthethyme · 03/01/2024 08:38

Ascubudr · 03/01/2024 08:31

I love this. A puzzle = 20 mins max. Hours of screen time (5-8am) really not ideal and in any event the child would definitely need feeding in that time or should he be fed in front of the TV so adults' quiet mornings aren't disturbed ? People aren't actually advocating parenting or discipline ( in the original meaning of " to teach") they are advocating pacifying and sedating ( with screens for hours on end) no sorry not good parenting in any way shape or form.

Well if you can't control your kid then you obviously aren't parenting anyway so who cares about screen time? Serious question.

sleeplessnights24 · 03/01/2024 08:38

Tandora · 03/01/2024 08:34

I have reached out to their LL again via email and noted all the dates/times in the past month of stomping - and have said when I’ll be back on home turf. I can only hope we get back to a place where we were indeed able to sleep in our own home

😱😱😱. You sound like the neighbour from hell.

you have no recourse to prevent the living noise of a 5 year old child walking on the floor.

Thats the bottom line.

As I said in my previous post... it was what I was literally advised to do by... the management company! Their last communication since - was to still keep making notes of the dates/times. 😂

OP posts:
AnneValentine · 03/01/2024 08:39

As parent of two including one autistic child who didn’t sleep for 6 years I’m sorry you’re being subjected to this, I’m sorry other parents here are giving people like us a bad name. There are many many things that can be done, it sounds like they’re doing nothing.

From your perspective it’s time to level up.

Report it - every time.

https://www.gov.uk/report-noise-pollution-to-council

Continue to complain to landlord. Every time it happens. Keep a noise diary, literally every time you’re worked keep it on diary and then send diary off as part of the regular complaints and reports. The only way to sort is to annoy them as much as they annoy you.

Also, start going round early evening when it’s quiet if you’re going to complain. The time when it’s typically quiet. With any luck you can start waking the child up.

Report a noise nuisance to your council

Report a noise problem like loud music, noisy pubs, neighbour's parties or barking dogs to your local council

https://www.gov.uk/report-noise-pollution-to-council

JiffLemon · 03/01/2024 08:40

Can you not have your ceilings insulated? That should help deaden the noise and vibration.

Ascubudr · 03/01/2024 08:40

Tacotortoise · 03/01/2024 08:27

If they need the toilet then they can go - quietly. If they have a bad dream they can come find me or call me - quietly. If they wake up early they can stay in bed and read or quietly go into the front room and watch TV or play on the (in those days) wii. If they wake me up then tv/wii goes off. Trust me, they were ninja stealthy to avoid that.

I see, I think you and my parenting principles are fundamentally different. I have worked too many night shifts in A&E and seen the frankly terrifying accidents which befall unsupervised children in the early morning to ever think it is ok " not to be disturbed". I was left to look after myself in the early morning at around 3/4/5 years old, luckily nothing bad happened- didn't make it ok. So you made your children fearful of seeking your help/ comfort or input before some arbitrary cut off (8am?,9am- later). Sorry I can't see this as anything other than lazy parenting.

sleeplessnights24 · 03/01/2024 08:40

Passingthethyme · 03/01/2024 08:38

Well if you can't control your kid then you obviously aren't parenting anyway so who cares about screen time? Serious question.

@Passingthethyme Yes. @Ascubudr just sounds horribly defensive and full of excuses.

OP posts:
Tacotortoise · 03/01/2024 08:41

Ascubudr · 03/01/2024 08:31

I love this. A puzzle = 20 mins max. Hours of screen time (5-8am) really not ideal and in any event the child would definitely need feeding in that time or should he be fed in front of the TV so adults' quiet mornings aren't disturbed ? People aren't actually advocating parenting or discipline ( in the original meaning of " to teach") they are advocating pacifying and sedating ( with screens for hours on end) no sorry not good parenting in any way shape or form.

Oh bullshit. If its so distasteful to you to teach your child consideration then you drag your arse out of bed and fulfil their spiritual and intellectual requirements- quietly. Or, if they need to move, take them out. I used to have a 5am riser in a flat so we'd be out and about by 6am.

AnneValentine · 03/01/2024 08:41

Tandora · 03/01/2024 08:34

I have reached out to their LL again via email and noted all the dates/times in the past month of stomping - and have said when I’ll be back on home turf. I can only hope we get back to a place where we were indeed able to sleep in our own home

😱😱😱. You sound like the neighbour from hell.

you have no recourse to prevent the living noise of a 5 year old child walking on the floor.

Thats the bottom line.

Wrong. Noise such as described here is not acceptable.

DisforDarkChocolate · 03/01/2024 08:42

I have so much sympathy with you @sleeplessnights24, we've nicknamed our neighbour Stompy, occasionally this is changed to Fog Horn.

We generally get only daytime noise but the relentlessness of it gets you down. It makes it hard to relax. We had a weekend away recently and it sadly very obvious how much the noise impacts on my mental health. I hope you get something sorted. Have you tried recording the noise?

CwmYoy · 03/01/2024 08:43

Keep complaining to the landlord and the agents. Until they have at least put down better floor covering there will be too much noise.

The neighbours sound awful. Imagine letting a small child run around in the middle of the night. Very poor parenting.

AlwaysPettyOnTheInside · 03/01/2024 08:43

I'd get some nice big speakers, and an amp, and whatever else, and whenever it sounded like they were asleep - particulalry the kid - play a bit of happy hardcore or something equally annyoying. Play the cunts at their own game. They'll soon stop then. Bonus points for doing it at bedtime.

Ascubudr · 03/01/2024 08:45

Passingthethyme · 03/01/2024 08:38

Well if you can't control your kid then you obviously aren't parenting anyway so who cares about screen time? Serious question.

My children are 19 & 17 and independant sentient beings, for me parenting was about:
Keeping them safe
Keeping healthy and encouraging healthy choices
Fostering a secure attachment
Encouraging kindness
Supporting their interests

Not controlling them.

Wanna17 · 03/01/2024 08:45

Firstly you need to be applying pressure to the LANDLORD not the poor tenant who is at the mercy of their 5 year old, who, by the sounds of it could be a SEN child if they are awake and running around in the night.
The landlord should not have hardwood floors throughout a non ground floor property. You need to check the lease for the building!

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