Neighbours say they can only 'try' to control their child.

[sleeplessnights24]

I live in a new build. Everything has been ok, but the tenants upstairs have a 5 year old boy who doesn't stop stomping.

Running in the afternoon/normal hours is one thing, but this is in the early hours when people are clearly still asleep! It also happens in the middle of the night too...?! Surely a 5 year old can sleep through the night...? Also, why run if you're up that late?!

I noted the hours it happened. 5:30am, 5:40am, 6:30am - and weirdly 12:30am, 1:20am and 4:20am too. That's just in the last 3 weeks. On weekends it started at 6:50am and 5:40am. We are not just talking about brief periods of noise. It is often intermittent. The worst was 3:50am - which was intermittent until about 4:20am. Then again at 5:20am. Then at 7:30am. That night I didn't sleep at all since 3:50am.

Initially, all communications were fine. I only spoke up once I was at my wits end. I was polite - and so were they. No apology from their side though. They said they'd be mindful of the noise. Phew! I was grateful and hopeful to finally be able to sleep. I do not expect to live in silence (obviously), but stomping on your ceiling - when you're trying to sleep and it is still dark outside, is crazy.

A few months goes by... nothing changes. But because I had already complained once, I felt like I couldn't complain again... until I did.

Again, all polite from both sides. Said they'd be mindful. Ok.
Nothing changed again. Rinse & repeat. The noise - if anything - just got louder... so I spoke up again. Both sides nice and polite. They said it was 'confusing' that it was so loud. I asked multiple times if they'd like to come down and hear it for themselves as they didn't understand how it could be so disruptive. They ignored every invite to come listen.

They would say he 'only walks' on days I would be woken up in the morning - by running. They were/are defensive and looking for excuses. I get it. In many ways, I am not surprised. They kept saying they were 'being mindful' - but nothing ever changed. If the noise had reduced by 20% since I complained; at least that would be something. But there was literally no change.

I was transparent about having Bose headphones, white noise machines, etc... so they could see that I was doing things to drown out the noise from my side.

After 18 months of it happening on an almost daily basis, I complained to my building management Co. I had complained to management before - but their response was 'there's nothing we can do'. They didn't even pass on my sentiments to the owners of the flat.

This time I didn't relent - and asked them to pass/forward my email to the actual owners of the apartment upstairs. (Upstairs are renters). They did indeed forward my email to the owners.

I got a response saying the owners had spoken to their tenants - and the tenants have agreed to buy a rug and will 'try to control the movements of their child when possible'.

I took this as somewhat helpful - and was more angry that I was proven right in that what they'd done for the year prior - was nothing at all - certainly in terms of practical measures when they had told me there was nothing more they could do. Over the 18 months; there was one occasion where I (politely) asked what they had done to mitigate the noise... they didn't respond. (They have hardwood floors throughout).

For 8 weeks, they seemed to promptly stop the running in the middle of the night/early hours (which I only wanted stopped at unreasonable hours anyway) - but now we are back to square one it seems. I'm mindful of it being Winter (dark and awful weather outside) and also Christmas season, but I'm not sure why it keeps happening. They say the best they can do is 'try' to control it.

AIBU for not relenting and to keep complaining to management? The tenants have stopped opening my messages now.

That sounds like hell. I know you shouldn't have to but have you considered sound proofing your ceiling? You can get plasterboard boards that are specifically made to block out noise.

I hope you don't have children

It’s tough but I think the main problem is you’ve moved to a building with shit soundproofing

I can believe he is just pottering around and it sounds like it is “stomping”

The key things here are that the parents haven't made any apology or offered any explanation but did manage to keep the noise down for 8 weeks which means it clearly isn't impossible to do. All the comments about how it's "normal" and asking what the OP expects them to do seem to be missing these points.

Most people would have said "we're really sorry - we are trying to stop him but X Y Z..."

The OP has said many, many times that she doesn't expect silence, that she has offered to pay for mats and that she has made efforts to block the sound in her flat and I've only read the first third or so of the thread! How are people missing this?

Get a broom and hit the ceiling with it when it’s bothering you, play loud music to cover the noise - they are clearly inconsiderate even if their child has special needs they could explain and be considerate of neighbours

Finally someone reasonable that doesn't hate children 😂🙌

As I said in my previous posts; I am only communicating with the building management Co - and their LL. There is no enforcement of carpet on a non-ground floor apartment - it's obviously an option if it is wanted. This is why I offered to pay for it!

Sounds horrendous but I dont think they can accept your offer to pay for carpets ,rugs,sound proof mats etc. Carpets would need permission from the landlord and as PP said landlord won't want this due to wear and tear.

If I was neighbour I wouldn't want to accpet OP paying for any other items in case it didn't work and became an obligation becuase OP had paid. Sounds like child goes to bed early and gets up at 1am. The building doesn't sound fit for purpose sound proof wise.
If it's unbearable I would move or hope they do . Ask them what their plans are long term, nothing to loose by asking this and it may give you some hope

Finally someone with a brain!! 🙌 you can tell barely anyone here knows anything about living in flats 😂

Let me guess.... the noise at 1:20am, 3:50am, 4:20am, 5:20am etc... is just kids 'expressing themselves' in that case. Anything other than that would be considered 'controlling them' by your logic.

Also, why is it being left up to the tenants what happens with the floor? They are renting, the owner can tell them they are carrying out works and installing flooring - even if you have to pay. Speak to the owner again and insist the work is carried out.

So, your five year of child wakes in the night or early hours. Why?

1. They wake up desperate for the loo because they are still learning not to wet the bed (normal childhood development). So they run to the loo rather than wet themselves. Normal behaviour. Needs no intervention. In fact needs praise.
2. They wake up scared because they have had a bad dream so go running to parents. Normal behaviour. Requires comforting.
3. They are having a night terror (requires treating as such, not behavioural intervention).
4. They are awake and full of the joy of a new day that sadly leaves most of us as we get older. They run into parents to play/interact/hug/sing. NORMAL 5 year old behaviour. Should be met with warmth (all be it groggy) and if it’s the middle of the night taken back to bed and reminder about when bedtimes are and when play time is.
5. They are the devil incarnate and are deliberately stamping to annoy the neighbour. Exorcism is the only sensible solution here.

What am I defending ? my children are grown and both still asleep this morning.

I am questioning the idea that it is :
a) Possible
b) Deserible
or
c) Good parenting

To keep a child " acceptably" quiet for up to 3 or 4 hours between 5 and 9 am. I am also suggesting that walking around their own home is not behaviour which requires " discipline" or " control". Please note no one has refferenced any screaming or shouting. I think these parents are almost certainly doing their level best.

@sleeplessnights24 I haven't read every comment you've made as I've got stuff to do 😂 you need to look at the lease very carefully! I wish the parents of their obviously SEN child and his sleep issues luck with you!

@sleeplessnights24 Do you own or rent?

I'd look at moving. A friend lived in a 1920's terrace and was driven so mad by a neighbour's awful child that he paid for an 'Office' building in his garden and slept in that. {Before taking advantage of the sharp rise in property prices a few years ago and moving to a blissfully peaceful country detached place.

Maybe the parent of the ''heffalump'' don't realise how loud the stamping is?

Sorry desirable

I sympathise, OP, but please don’t deliberately ignore parents telling you that some kids do rise at 4 or 5am for the day. Stop mentioning these times as though they are batshit crazy. It’s also very typical of SEN children to rise early and wake up at nighttime.

@Ascubudr most of the people replying here clearly don't have children or know anything about them. They think you can tie down a 5 year old who's awake in the night 😂

Supper helpful for the parents if they're dealing with a SEN child 🙄

I'm the upstairs noisy neighbour in this scenario alas. My kids (4 and 1) are very heavy footed. The youngest is a good sleeper so not a problem overnight or before 7am. But the oldest is hyperactive and doesn't sleep through due to health issues, I have to give him a screen when he wakes at 5am as there is no other way to stop him moving (loudly). Yes he's been assessed, no there's no neurodiversity.

In your case op, obviously the building needs proper sound proofing, their flat carpeted, which you can continue to push for. But contrary to some of the pp, some children really can't be controlled in that way. It's not hard to imagine that a screen wouldn't render all children immobile either.

There is no need for a child to be constantly running and dropping toys in those hours. Hell no need really inside but hey that’s another story.

The fact the noise can be stopped and op only wants to sleep she doesn’t care if the kids running like elephant between 8am-9pm normal awake hours she just wants sleep.

Shows the child can walk nicely or maybe that the parents actually get the fuck out of bed and parent their kid rather than just letting him do whatever the hell he likes for all those hours in the night. because honestly what parent willingly gets up and watches there child run up and down the hall for anything upto an hour knowing it’s disturbing the neighbours then back again, one that’s still in bed I bet.

@Didimum doesn't seem like anyone on this thread has ever met a 5 year old, let alone a SEN one 😂🤦‍♀️

I've been extremely responsive to pretty much all posts! This isn't one of those ones/MN users who only wants to be validated.

They are batshit crazy hours to most people who are asleep at that time - because it's nighttime. However; as I said before - if it really is that impossible - and if they really can’t control their child running/jumping/stomping - then at least put foam mats and rugs with underlay in the named hallway - so that if he has to run, at least the noise is deadened/dampened - because as it stands; he’s running on hardwood floors.

Again; I have offered to pay for these foam mats. I even offered to pay for carpeting too!

OP. The first question when someone is behaving in a way you don’t like is why? That then gives you a clue as to the best course of action.

So why do you think this is happening?

It’s highly unlikely that the parents want to be woken up either. It’s highly likely they are doing their sleep deprived best to resettle him and help him sleep through.

Having an angry neighbour to appease will only make matters worse. Stress is catching. If they are stressed because they don’t want to deal with a pissed off neighbour it will hinder their efforts, not help and could make things worse.

The landlord needs to install sound proofing here. Your neighbours are not the problem. There are lots of reasons a small child might wake in the night and struggle to settle. Deliberately to piss you off is not one of them.

There are hundreds of thousands of people using MN. Issues with neighbours are common. It’s hardly surprising this kind of thread comes up repeatedly. And that rugs are offered as a potential solution.