Neighbours say they can only 'try' to control their child.

[sleeplessnights24]

I live in a new build. Everything has been ok, but the tenants upstairs have a 5 year old boy who doesn't stop stomping.

Running in the afternoon/normal hours is one thing, but this is in the early hours when people are clearly still asleep! It also happens in the middle of the night too...?! Surely a 5 year old can sleep through the night...? Also, why run if you're up that late?!

I noted the hours it happened. 5:30am, 5:40am, 6:30am - and weirdly 12:30am, 1:20am and 4:20am too. That's just in the last 3 weeks. On weekends it started at 6:50am and 5:40am. We are not just talking about brief periods of noise. It is often intermittent. The worst was 3:50am - which was intermittent until about 4:20am. Then again at 5:20am. Then at 7:30am. That night I didn't sleep at all since 3:50am.

Initially, all communications were fine. I only spoke up once I was at my wits end. I was polite - and so were they. No apology from their side though. They said they'd be mindful of the noise. Phew! I was grateful and hopeful to finally be able to sleep. I do not expect to live in silence (obviously), but stomping on your ceiling - when you're trying to sleep and it is still dark outside, is crazy.

A few months goes by... nothing changes. But because I had already complained once, I felt like I couldn't complain again... until I did.

Again, all polite from both sides. Said they'd be mindful. Ok.
Nothing changed again. Rinse & repeat. The noise - if anything - just got louder... so I spoke up again. Both sides nice and polite. They said it was 'confusing' that it was so loud. I asked multiple times if they'd like to come down and hear it for themselves as they didn't understand how it could be so disruptive. They ignored every invite to come listen.

They would say he 'only walks' on days I would be woken up in the morning - by running. They were/are defensive and looking for excuses. I get it. In many ways, I am not surprised. They kept saying they were 'being mindful' - but nothing ever changed. If the noise had reduced by 20% since I complained; at least that would be something. But there was literally no change.

I was transparent about having Bose headphones, white noise machines, etc... so they could see that I was doing things to drown out the noise from my side.

After 18 months of it happening on an almost daily basis, I complained to my building management Co. I had complained to management before - but their response was 'there's nothing we can do'. They didn't even pass on my sentiments to the owners of the flat.

This time I didn't relent - and asked them to pass/forward my email to the actual owners of the apartment upstairs. (Upstairs are renters). They did indeed forward my email to the owners.

I got a response saying the owners had spoken to their tenants - and the tenants have agreed to buy a rug and will 'try to control the movements of their child when possible'.

I took this as somewhat helpful - and was more angry that I was proven right in that what they'd done for the year prior - was nothing at all - certainly in terms of practical measures when they had told me there was nothing more they could do. Over the 18 months; there was one occasion where I (politely) asked what they had done to mitigate the noise... they didn't respond. (They have hardwood floors throughout).

For 8 weeks, they seemed to promptly stop the running in the middle of the night/early hours (which I only wanted stopped at unreasonable hours anyway) - but now we are back to square one it seems. I'm mindful of it being Winter (dark and awful weather outside) and also Christmas season, but I'm not sure why it keeps happening. They say the best they can do is 'try' to control it.

AIBU for not relenting and to keep complaining to management? The tenants have stopped opening my messages now.

OP my friend had this with neighbours back when she lived in a flat with a noisy child above her.

it made her life hell. She owned and they rented, she couldn’t afford to move and did everything you have been doing too.
the only thing that worked for her was when she put in a false ceiling to her own house and soundproofed between the two. It did obviously lower her own ceiling but was for her worth if. Might be worth looking into.

Gosh I feel your pain. I have to say tho I have a child in my class who skips everywhere and it's almost like a turbo button is pressed too so it's the fastest chunkiest skip you've ever seen. It's super cute to me but I don't have to live below him but I imagine he does this too. It's genuinely impossible to stop him doing it, he seems a little different to most. it's not his fault BUT the parents should be trying to minimise the sound or move themselves to a ground floor or non flat .

i see here the evolution of those dicks on the train and bus who have noise/supposed music/rapping/conversations on loud speakers who don’t give 2 fucks about a single other person is likely the result of not being made to consider any other person from a young age.
You teach them don’t you, you teach them to be a decent and considerate human being. You teach them right and wrong.
And for those about to attack with the ASD/etc diagnosis kids, OBVIOUSLY I don’t mean you.

Sounds fucking unbearable OP and well done for your very patient repeated posts for those who have not read it all or who are incapable of taking on board what you have to say over and over and over again. You clearly have buckets of patience.

I can’t believe what I’m reading here, honestly. It seems that the neighbours are causing all sorts of unacceptable, antisocial noise and despite the OP’s best efforts (which are over and above what most people would do), they couldn’t give a toss. Nothing happened until it affected them. They’ve taken no responsibility whatsoever. Maybe this, maybe that, maybe there’s some obscure but understandable reason why the kid is stomping about five times a night? If that was the case, why haven’t the parents explained this to the OP? Why couldn’t they have given her a mobile number to text when the noise was bad? Why couldn’t one of them sleep with the child and deal with the issue? It is not reasonable, under ANY circumstances to be woken up three or four times a night or to have to wear headphones in your own house. I hope you get this sorted soon, OP. It sounds insufferable.

That person is known for that. It can be ignored, they're just trying to get a reaction . Horrible tho

I'd move if I were you OP.

I do sympathise - it’s awful for you to not get sleep. The problem is that this would, be considered a normal level of noise - moving around the flat - so there is nothing that can be done, yet you have continued to contact the family about it - a very tired family who either have an extremely challenging child or a large dog! It would be different if it was loud music or something but what you have described is normal living noise. The problem is the wooden floors. This is exactly why they aren’t allowed in most flats. I would focus on trying to get the landlord to put down carpets in the hall and take your focus off the family themselves. It makes you look petty and inconsiderate to complain about movement made by a child, hence you are not being listened to and being dismissed as difficult. you need to keep your points on the impact of the wooden floors on you, your sleep and your wider life and how carpets would make a difference.

I have something similar with my neighbours boy who's the same age, no where near as bad as what you have and never through the night.
He stomps all the time when he's there awake, and sounds as if he jumps down the stairs. Whatever he is doing it makes the contents of our kitchen cupboard shake 🤣. Got to love paper thin new build walls.

Is it your "autistic traits" that mean you don't understand how this might work?

@Ascubudr I believe your question is aimed at @stayathomer , not me.

Keep on at the landlord, it'll only get worse if/when they have another child but if the landlord is forever being contacted about this noise (directly or through the letting agency) they'll get pissed off about it - been there!

OP, have you considered getting up and knocking on their door every time their child does this? I think the only way you're going to get them to take this seriously is by making them take it seriously and complaining in person every single time it happens.

Agreed carpet is needed, which I have offered to pay for!

When did I say I wanted 'silence in and around my home'? Anyone who lives in a city - and especially anyone who lives in a shared building - and expects silence 24/7 is delusional - and yes; should move to a rural detached property!

I can imagine this is hideous, OP, but as the parent of two 6yr olds, there genuinely very little you can do about it in terms of controlling the child.

I would redirect all your efforts to the landlord/management in getting them to install a more suitable, long-term flooring. It’s not the tenant’s or your responsibility to pay for this. They just don’t want to because it’s expensive and not as hard wearing so will need more frequent maintenance/replacement.

Large area rugs and runners of the quality to have good cushioning are expensive and not even that effective as they don’t have good underlay. Foam mats are really unsuitable for a hallway – they are a trip hazard and curl up at the edges in no time.

It’s completely the managements fault for having such unsuitable flooring for communal living. But that’s new builds for you – they do everything cheaply.

Absolutely I don't understand how or indeed why one might discipline a child waking early and walking around their own house for eg: going to the bathroom, getting a drink etc. As I said upthread keeping an awake child forcibly still and quiet is a bit close to restraint to me and TBH not great for their development. Just for adults' preferences and/ or convenience. Hmm , yeah not great.

I an still waiting for you toexplain how you would deal withan early waking 5yo ?

Unfortunately children do wake up early. Often they get out of bed at night. Some children have a 'stompy' gait. My ds is light footed and naturally quiet, his cousin is the same age and makes five times the noise, and he runs everywhere. He throws himself at life - his natural pace.

Those things, I doubt there is anything the parents can do. Better than the child screaming because it isn't allowed out of bed.

I think your best bet is to press the owners & the management company to install carpets with underlay. Legally though, the sound is normal living noise so they aren't required to do anything.

Or consider moving.

Well I've no problem with restricting my children's development by teaching them how to stay quietly in bed (mine or theirs) in the middle of the night. And absolutely it's my preference for all of us to get a good night's sleep.

Even if they need the toliet ? Have a bad dream ( peak is age 4) ? That strikes me as cruel, old fashioned and potientally harmful but you do you.

Well it's not idea but if he can't sit quietly and read or do a puzzle or something, they should put him in front of a screen. BTW, my 2.5 year old doesn't need to constantly be running around so a 5 yo should en able to manage. Also if the parents know they can't control their child they shouldn't be choosing to live above another person. I feel for you OP, living like this must be an absolute nightmare

Of course, I would like the running/stomping to not happen in the middle of the night. This isn’t a case of a child simply needing the toilet - and a bit of movement here and there.

As per my previous posts - these are 20-30+ mins of running up and down and jumping. When it stops, it’s sometimes not for the rest of the night - as it also then starts up again too. So, certainly long enough that it’s not just that he needs water, the toilet, has had a bad dream.

If the parents say the best they can do is ‘try’ - then so be it.

As per my original post… I quote: “For 8 weeks, they seemed to promptly stop the running in the middle of the night/early hours (which I only wanted stopped at unreasonable hours anyway).”

But if it really is that impossible - and if they really can’t control their child running/jumping/stomping in the middle of the night/early hours - then at least put foam mats and rugs with underlay in the named hallway - so that if he has to run, the noise is deadened/dampened - because as it stands; he’s running on hardwood floors.

They apparently bought a rug for the bedroom, but this isn’t where the noise largely is. I suspect he plays in the wide hallway because there’s more room.

Again; I have offered to pay for these foam mats/hallway rugs. I even offered to pay for carpeting too!

Many people on here seem to have played a game of Chinese whispers. One post said I wasn't doing enough from my side. Another said I should feel bad for 'evicting a family after Christmas' - when I never said anything of the sort - or wanting to do so. I haven't 'fought fire with fire’ - despite many people saying I should etc...

I seem to be quoted - or certainly implied to have said many things I haven't. I'm aware the thread is long, but please see/read what I've written as opposed to what others have claimed I've said to get the full picture.

Op I really feel for you , I had two adults who made a tonne of noise and ended up selling my flat! Got a very small house now but no one above me which is bliss
i suffered two years plus. They did try to put carpets down etc and were actually trying to be considerate but it’s new build or conversion flats ( were houses) I find have zero sound proofing and everyone sounds like elephants overhead.
It doesn’t sound like your neighbours have tried much tbh but for your own sanity perhaps look at a longer strategy of moving eventually , otherwise you’ll become noise hyper sensitive and anxious.
my kids do get up in the night because of one million reasons - toilet, nightmares, too hot, there’s a monster in the room. My boy walks really heavily to our bedroom despite lots of reminders. Edited as just read that running is going on for half hour ?! That is really bizarre and not on
It’s a shame they’ve stopped responding and you can’t work together on flooring at least but it’ll be hard for you to get far if they are just ignoring all contact from everyone

Do you own your flat? You mention upstairs are renters? But you could be too? If you are a homeowner I’d get a noise insulation company over to investigate. New builds are of such awful cheap quality, the walls and ceilings are like tissue paper and the construction techniques are designed to get cheap housing up fast. Generally noise pollution works in both directions, i.e if you can hear them, they can hear you too. I have a 6 year old and waking early and getting up in the night are fairly standard, doesn’t sound unreasonable on the tenants side. Is moving to a house where you don’t have an upstairs flat above you possible? Otherwise wherever you go as a downstairs flat- you will have people clomping above you!

Finally! This is the comment I've been looking for! The OTT "handcuff to the bed" comments are ridiculous. At 5 years old, they have full capacity to understand that getting up at 1am, 3am, 4am etc is unacceptable. Sticker charts, consequences for getting out of bed in the middle of the night, explaining they're upsetting the neighbours - there are lots you can do that don't involve imprisonment of the child to their bed. Sounds like they're just being lazy parents to be honest.

A naturally runny/stompy kid of 5yrs old who wakes in the night does not have the wherewithal to impulse control what they do upon waking. They will either get up or they will call for their parent. They certainly do not have the impulse control, in the middle of the night upon waking, to ensure they softfoot it down the hall for others’ sake. Only maturation will do that.