Neighbours say they can only 'try' to control their child.

[sleeplessnights24]

I live in a new build. Everything has been ok, but the tenants upstairs have a 5 year old boy who doesn't stop stomping.

Running in the afternoon/normal hours is one thing, but this is in the early hours when people are clearly still asleep! It also happens in the middle of the night too...?! Surely a 5 year old can sleep through the night...? Also, why run if you're up that late?!

I noted the hours it happened. 5:30am, 5:40am, 6:30am - and weirdly 12:30am, 1:20am and 4:20am too. That's just in the last 3 weeks. On weekends it started at 6:50am and 5:40am. We are not just talking about brief periods of noise. It is often intermittent. The worst was 3:50am - which was intermittent until about 4:20am. Then again at 5:20am. Then at 7:30am. That night I didn't sleep at all since 3:50am.

Initially, all communications were fine. I only spoke up once I was at my wits end. I was polite - and so were they. No apology from their side though. They said they'd be mindful of the noise. Phew! I was grateful and hopeful to finally be able to sleep. I do not expect to live in silence (obviously), but stomping on your ceiling - when you're trying to sleep and it is still dark outside, is crazy.

A few months goes by... nothing changes. But because I had already complained once, I felt like I couldn't complain again... until I did.

Again, all polite from both sides. Said they'd be mindful. Ok.
Nothing changed again. Rinse & repeat. The noise - if anything - just got louder... so I spoke up again. Both sides nice and polite. They said it was 'confusing' that it was so loud. I asked multiple times if they'd like to come down and hear it for themselves as they didn't understand how it could be so disruptive. They ignored every invite to come listen.

They would say he 'only walks' on days I would be woken up in the morning - by running. They were/are defensive and looking for excuses. I get it. In many ways, I am not surprised. They kept saying they were 'being mindful' - but nothing ever changed. If the noise had reduced by 20% since I complained; at least that would be something. But there was literally no change.

I was transparent about having Bose headphones, white noise machines, etc... so they could see that I was doing things to drown out the noise from my side.

After 18 months of it happening on an almost daily basis, I complained to my building management Co. I had complained to management before - but their response was 'there's nothing we can do'. They didn't even pass on my sentiments to the owners of the flat.

This time I didn't relent - and asked them to pass/forward my email to the actual owners of the apartment upstairs. (Upstairs are renters). They did indeed forward my email to the owners.

I got a response saying the owners had spoken to their tenants - and the tenants have agreed to buy a rug and will 'try to control the movements of their child when possible'.

I took this as somewhat helpful - and was more angry that I was proven right in that what they'd done for the year prior - was nothing at all - certainly in terms of practical measures when they had told me there was nothing more they could do. Over the 18 months; there was one occasion where I (politely) asked what they had done to mitigate the noise... they didn't respond. (They have hardwood floors throughout).

For 8 weeks, they seemed to promptly stop the running in the middle of the night/early hours (which I only wanted stopped at unreasonable hours anyway) - but now we are back to square one it seems. I'm mindful of it being Winter (dark and awful weather outside) and also Christmas season, but I'm not sure why it keeps happening. They say the best they can do is 'try' to control it.

AIBU for not relenting and to keep complaining to management? The tenants have stopped opening my messages now.

Seriously what is the parenting strategy for a 5yo who wakes early doesn't scream or shout but just wants to move around his own home ? Maybe needs to go to the bathroom ? Have a drink ? Definitely bad parenting there.

We lived in a house with bad soundproofing and the people who say about controlling a child- huge difference between kids that run riot and you getting told about every time your child runs, speaks, sings, the tv is on etc. our nerves were frayed- we went to the park a ridiculous amount of times (they asked us could our child not make noise in the garden) and were shushing all the time, telling him to walk, saying don’t do that if he picked up musical toys. Our kid was a morning person and we bribed him to stay in bed past 8 most days on the holidays. I really feel for people stuck in these situations. Saying that the times this is happening to op is crazy- middle of the night I’d be going mad too!!

The OP'S said about 6 times what she'd like them to do- she'd like them to lay down some rugs in his room/the hallway. She's even offered to pay for these.

🤣thank you I really do. However I leave for work in 20 minutes and last night wasn't bad, I think got 3 hours all in.

I agree. There’s a huge difference and also, I believe there are some people in this world who love to complain at the drop of a hat about literally anything that bothers them.

As I said in my previous post, no one should have to go to the ends of the earth to appease their neighbours - but consideration is something that is 100% required. There has to be give and take on both sides. It sounds like you were indeed considerate.

I put up with the stomping for 18 months (and took my own measures to drown the noise out/deaden it from my side). In those 18 months; I was being told there was ‘nothing more they could do’ - which was odd because literally nothing changed prior to me complaining or after. Only when their LL got involved; did they make some changes.

Logic and evidence states they just didn’t care/do anything. At least you did though - which is to be commended - but I agree, your situation sounds very different and like your neighbours were not accommodating at all.

TBH making a child stay in bed till 8 when they are awake just after 5 is pretty poor parenting from a Child development POV. What exactly are you teaching them ?

Op can you confirm if they lay some rugs you'd be happy o have the sound muffled and nothing else change? Rugs are all you want?

I agree.

Report to noise nuisance team op - or bang on the ceiling with a stick every time it happens or knock on the door and tell them to discipline the child.

You just . Fold in the cheese .. you just... Fold it in

A child getting up in the night isn’t anti social behaviour.

If he wakes in the night desperate for the loo (at 5 night time wetting can be something we are still working on at that age) or scared of monsters/bad dreams - so seeking his parents, that’s normal development. He might be having night terrors or sleep walking - all common at that age. Normal behaviour for a human of that age. He will grow out if it.

It’s completely unrealistic to expect a child of that age, when he first wakes, for his first thought to be ‘oh shush, walk, the downstairs neighbours must get wake up.’ The parents won’t know he’s awake until he’s right there with them - so has already run to them. They will be shattered and coming round so will find it hard to immediately think ‘oh shush, the neighbours’.

This is the responsibility of the landlord. Clearly the building wasn’t built with noise reduction in mind. The problem here is a building not fit for purpose. The landlord needs to sort it.

😂😂😂😂 Please talk us through disciplining a child for moving round his own house in a child like way. Go on. Do. What would you do?

This thread is so frustrating to read.
Parents with the attitude of “what do you expect me to do?”

I don’t think it’s the kid.

I think they have a secret pet that they don’t want the landlord to know about (the timings sound like zoomies).

Either that, or you have a poltergeist.

Twat

Ascubudr
Agreed it could be seen as poor parenting but also as survival- there were only 18 houses for rent in the whole of our county. Aside from that our landlord was in politics- I’d say if they’d complained we’d have been out. He could go to the toilet of course but other than that he was told it was Lego time and he’d get to bake/ do ridiculously messy stuff/ go to play area later. All of our mh was shot but sometimes these things have to be done

Sorry this may be my autistic traits but I don't understand this, what do you mean ?

OP has offered to pay

The flats sound really poorly constructed. That plus a child who runs around at night would be a nightmare combination.

One often sees posters on MN saying we should aim for higher density living and normalise living more in flats like many European countries but this is exactly why people don't want to!

It's from Scott's creek, the mum doesn't understand how to cook but keeps saying fold in the cheese but can't explain how... Much like those saying control the child...

Ahh ok thank you, yes indeed.

Two sides I'd say.

Firstly proper carpet is needed upstairs and the LL should fit this. Hardwood floors are inappropriate in flats above ground level unless they are exceptionally well built/insulated.

Secondly and with the best will in the world op, if you want silence in and around your home, you need to live in a rural, detached property.

In my experience, one zones out from regular "life" noise. Our old house was close to a tube line. We often registered the first and last but except for that we stopped noticing them. The same with traffic over the bridge. Even here, where we don't see a neighbour for months, we were stunned at the silence in those early weeks of covid.

You’ve been completely reasonable OP. You’ve taken action to reduce your experience of noise. You’ve offered to pay for measures to reduce noise at their end.

Can’t believe people are giving you grief or calling you unreasonable.

They are being completely unreasonable not to take you up on your offers of paying for mats or rugs.

I’m sorry you have such selfish neighbours.

this sounds incredibly frustrating.

I would focus on the following:

1. the nighttime running did temporarily decrease.
2. the nighttime running has started again.
3. the daytime running is frequent and constant but you are not complaining about that.

what they did or didn’t do/say etc. in the previous 18 month isn’t relevant and will simply muddy the waters.

documenting everything, contacting the LL and the local council would be best imo.

Yes discipline the child, remind me how ?