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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbours say they can only 'try' to control their child.

747 replies

sleeplessnights24 · 02/01/2024 23:50

I live in a new build. Everything has been ok, but the tenants upstairs have a 5 year old boy who doesn't stop stomping.

Running in the afternoon/normal hours is one thing, but this is in the early hours when people are clearly still asleep! It also happens in the middle of the night too...?! Surely a 5 year old can sleep through the night...? Also, why run if you're up that late?!

I noted the hours it happened. 5:30am, 5:40am, 6:30am - and weirdly 12:30am, 1:20am and 4:20am too. That's just in the last 3 weeks. On weekends it started at 6:50am and 5:40am. We are not just talking about brief periods of noise. It is often intermittent. The worst was 3:50am - which was intermittent until about 4:20am. Then again at 5:20am. Then at 7:30am. That night I didn't sleep at all since 3:50am.

Initially, all communications were fine. I only spoke up once I was at my wits end. I was polite - and so were they. No apology from their side though. They said they'd be mindful of the noise. Phew! I was grateful and hopeful to finally be able to sleep. I do not expect to live in silence (obviously), but stomping on your ceiling - when you're trying to sleep and it is still dark outside, is crazy.

A few months goes by... nothing changes. But because I had already complained once, I felt like I couldn't complain again... until I did.

Again, all polite from both sides. Said they'd be mindful. Ok.
Nothing changed again. Rinse & repeat. The noise - if anything - just got louder... so I spoke up again. Both sides nice and polite. They said it was 'confusing' that it was so loud. I asked multiple times if they'd like to come down and hear it for themselves as they didn't understand how it could be so disruptive. They ignored every invite to come listen.

They would say he 'only walks' on days I would be woken up in the morning - by running. They were/are defensive and looking for excuses. I get it. In many ways, I am not surprised. They kept saying they were 'being mindful' - but nothing ever changed. If the noise had reduced by 20% since I complained; at least that would be something. But there was literally no change.

I was transparent about having Bose headphones, white noise machines, etc... so they could see that I was doing things to drown out the noise from my side.

After 18 months of it happening on an almost daily basis, I complained to my building management Co. I had complained to management before - but their response was 'there's nothing we can do'. They didn't even pass on my sentiments to the owners of the flat.

This time I didn't relent - and asked them to pass/forward my email to the actual owners of the apartment upstairs. (Upstairs are renters). They did indeed forward my email to the owners.

I got a response saying the owners had spoken to their tenants - and the tenants have agreed to buy a rug and will 'try to control the movements of their child when possible'.

I took this as somewhat helpful - and was more angry that I was proven right in that what they'd done for the year prior - was nothing at all - certainly in terms of practical measures when they had told me there was nothing more they could do. Over the 18 months; there was one occasion where I (politely) asked what they had done to mitigate the noise... they didn't respond. (They have hardwood floors throughout).

For 8 weeks, they seemed to promptly stop the running in the middle of the night/early hours (which I only wanted stopped at unreasonable hours anyway) - but now we are back to square one it seems. I'm mindful of it being Winter (dark and awful weather outside) and also Christmas season, but I'm not sure why it keeps happening. They say the best they can do is 'try' to control it.

AIBU for not relenting and to keep complaining to management? The tenants have stopped opening my messages now.

OP posts:
sleeplessnights24 · 03/01/2024 06:35

Ascubudr · 03/01/2024 06:32

But here you are at 2am. I do wonder if your " middle of the night" is just their early morning. TBH with you DCs anytime after 5:30 am is fair game really.

It’s 22:33 in SF! Here for 3 days. (See my previous posts to another poster!)

Anytime after 5:30am is fair game?!?

OP posts:
sleeplessnights24 · 03/01/2024 06:38

Avtrini · 03/01/2024 05:45

I am a top graduate and earnt £60k, ditto hubby. In pregnancy it became apparent I had a previously undiagnosed condition; my toenails fell out, I couldn’t walk, hip dislocated, vertigo to name a few. Sick/mat pay and any dependency pay runs out very quickly, and if they don’t want to pay its hard to fight a bad employer from hospital. We had to give up mortgage and go rent. Eventually mc, then cancer diagnosis and sometime after that we separated.

Im doing fine-ish now but I have thought about what if I had had a child. Financially, energetically, emotional strength wise I definitely wouldn’t have coped.

Terrible to say they should have thought of their dire financial situation before having kids, you can’t know the future or someone else’s situation. Better not to judge.

I never sleep now since all the treatments. I wouldn’t have the energy to parent, stop the child running around and to go and buy rugs, no matter how simple it sounds. People struggle. Maybe the parents are exhausted and depressed.

Or maybe they’re just shit parents, shit neighbours, shit tenants who we should get evicted or preferably deported off the face of the earth….

Sorry to hear about your health issues, but I think your post is directed at another previous poster - not me. I never said any of the things you implied I did.

OP posts:
sleeplessnights24 · 03/01/2024 06:43

People seem to think I have reported them to the council/tried to get them evicted. Other posts have said that their landlord thinks I'm unreasonable - which is 100% untrue. Also, apparently according to these posts - the child now has SEN/ADHD - and some posters seem to know his exact movements/reasons for stomping at night. How utterly informative! 😂

Another post said I wasn't doing enough from my side. Another said I should feel bad for 'evicting a family after Christmas' - when I never said anything of the sort - or wanting to do so.

Here is a quote from my original post: “For 8 weeks, they seemed to promptly stop the running in the middle of the night/early hours (which I only wanted stopped at unreasonable hours anyway).”

People seem to have missed the part where I said I had hoped the repeated instances of running - I repeat - which wasn't one-off to stop at night-time.

This was indeed possible - after their LL got involved - and all was fine.

A lot of people are commenting from their own experiences - which is great - and I welcome that - and others are frankly, projecting!

I have reached out to their LL again via email and noted all the dates/times in the past month of stomping - and have said when I’ll be back on home turf. I can only hope we get back to a place where we were indeed able to sleep in our own home.

I know I have bent over backwards. I know nothing changed in 18 months. (After all; I’m the one living there). I know something only changed once their LL got involved. If we can’t reach a resolution, either they will have to move - or I will have to move.

That’s the bottom line.

OP posts:
Chilicabbage · 03/01/2024 06:45

I do like how on MN the noisy ones are always the winners and the problem is the person who wants reasonable level of noise at reasonable times.

I can spot parents here whose kids are going to be the next local bullies setting bins on fires and egging corner shops

Cmonluv · 03/01/2024 06:46

sleeplessnights24 · 03/01/2024 06:43

People seem to think I have reported them to the council/tried to get them evicted. Other posts have said that their landlord thinks I'm unreasonable - which is 100% untrue. Also, apparently according to these posts - the child now has SEN/ADHD - and some posters seem to know his exact movements/reasons for stomping at night. How utterly informative! 😂

Another post said I wasn't doing enough from my side. Another said I should feel bad for 'evicting a family after Christmas' - when I never said anything of the sort - or wanting to do so.

Here is a quote from my original post: “For 8 weeks, they seemed to promptly stop the running in the middle of the night/early hours (which I only wanted stopped at unreasonable hours anyway).”

People seem to have missed the part where I said I had hoped the repeated instances of running - I repeat - which wasn't one-off to stop at night-time.

This was indeed possible - after their LL got involved - and all was fine.

A lot of people are commenting from their own experiences - which is great - and I welcome that - and others are frankly, projecting!

I have reached out to their LL again via email and noted all the dates/times in the past month of stomping - and have said when I’ll be back on home turf. I can only hope we get back to a place where we were indeed able to sleep in our own home.

I know I have bent over backwards. I know nothing changed in 18 months. (After all; I’m the one living there). I know something only changed once their LL got involved. If we can’t reach a resolution, either they will have to move - or I will have to move.

That’s the bottom line.

How long is each bout of 'running?' you said one night you had running at 5.30 and at 5.49 so how long for each time?

sleeplessnights24 · 03/01/2024 06:47

LutonBeds · 03/01/2024 04:26

Well, you could stop him doing it in the middle of the night! Why can no one control their children anymore? Why does OPs neighbour think it’s ok for kids to be running around at 0120? I’d have been sharply bollocked and told in no uncertain terms by my parents that the behaviour was unacceptable and not to do it again.

Apparently some people can’t control their children - day or night! If that’s what they say; so be it - the rest of the world needs to accept it! Madness.

OP posts:
Cmonluv · 03/01/2024 06:48

Chilicabbage · 03/01/2024 06:45

I do like how on MN the noisy ones are always the winners and the problem is the person who wants reasonable level of noise at reasonable times.

I can spot parents here whose kids are going to be the next local bullies setting bins on fires and egging corner shops

Do you mean me?

You're an absolute delight aren't you?

Cmonluv · 03/01/2024 06:49

sleeplessnights24 · 03/01/2024 06:47

Apparently some people can’t control their children - day or night! If that’s what they say; so be it - the rest of the world needs to accept it! Madness.

Do you have children? Have you ever spent any time with a child? How old are you?

Ascubudr · 03/01/2024 06:51

sleeplessnights24 · 03/01/2024 06:35

It’s 22:33 in SF! Here for 3 days. (See my previous posts to another poster!)

Anytime after 5:30am is fair game?!?

So it mostly is early morning ( ie after 5am) ? Rather than middle of the night ? Do tell me how you would manage a full of beans 5yo @ 5:30am in the pitch black freezing cold morning ? Chronotype is largely genetically determined so it is very unlikely anyone can get this child to sleep longer hours.

FlamingoQueen · 03/01/2024 06:53

I think it’s time to start watching your TV really loudly at 3am or having late night parties! They don’t give a stuff about you! Good luck - I feel for you.

Cmonluv · 03/01/2024 06:55

You say this

I know I have bent over backwards

But in what way have you bent over backwards?

sleeplessnights24 · 03/01/2024 06:56

Cmonluv · 03/01/2024 06:46

How long is each bout of 'running?' you said one night you had running at 5.30 and at 5.49 so how long for each time?

Great question. I’ll copy/paste from Notes entries. These were the last 5 days before I left to come here. Excuse typos as it’s just a copy paste job.

1:20am - WTF. Why run?!?!

4:18- running. Stopped at 4:37
5:30 - jumping/sounds like dropping toys on floor. Stopped at 5:50

5:20 - running/stomping. Stopped at 5:42

3:50 - jumping/running. Stopped at 4:20 approx. Now ongoing at 4:40.
5:20 - started again.

6:09 - running. Didn’t stop. Ongoing as typing. Time to get up.

OP posts:
cleo333 · 03/01/2024 06:56

I'm not liking the comment of you being a dick . Was that necessary to speak like that ? Sleep deprivation is Hideous as everyone knows and everyone should do all you can to prevent it end of

sleeplessnights24 · 03/01/2024 06:57

Cmonluv · 03/01/2024 06:55

You say this

I know I have bent over backwards

But in what way have you bent over backwards?

Please read all my posts/replies. 🙄

OP posts:
Cmonluv · 03/01/2024 06:58

sleeplessnights24 · 03/01/2024 06:56

Great question. I’ll copy/paste from Notes entries. These were the last 5 days before I left to come here. Excuse typos as it’s just a copy paste job.

1:20am - WTF. Why run?!?!

4:18- running. Stopped at 4:37
5:30 - jumping/sounds like dropping toys on floor. Stopped at 5:50

5:20 - running/stomping. Stopped at 5:42

3:50 - jumping/running. Stopped at 4:20 approx. Now ongoing at 4:40.
5:20 - started again.

6:09 - running. Didn’t stop. Ongoing as typing. Time to get up.

You sound completely obsessed. I can categorically state that a herd of wild elephants could run across my ceiling and I wouldn't get out of bed to get a notebook to record it.

What time do you go to bed? How old are you? Do you WFH?

Cmonluv · 03/01/2024 06:59

sleeplessnights24 · 03/01/2024 06:57

Please read all my posts/replies. 🙄

All I see is you bought some headphones etc because you're unusually bothered by people existing above you. That's making efforts to ensure your own comfort. Bending over backwards for your own issue. Is that what you mean?

Kwasi · 03/01/2024 06:59

I assume you are childless. What seems like a hyper active kid to someone without kids is really just a normal kid.

sleeplessnights24 · 03/01/2024 07:00

Cmonluv · 03/01/2024 06:58

You sound completely obsessed. I can categorically state that a herd of wild elephants could run across my ceiling and I wouldn't get out of bed to get a notebook to record it.

What time do you go to bed? How old are you? Do you WFH?

You sound deranged judging by all your posts in this thread.

I was literally TOLD by the building management to note it! I don’t sit in bed with a notebook for fun waiting for the noise to start! I’m already asleep. Yes, with headphones and white noise machines going.

OP posts:
sleeplessnights24 · 03/01/2024 07:01

Cmonluv · 03/01/2024 06:59

All I see is you bought some headphones etc because you're unusually bothered by people existing above you. That's making efforts to ensure your own comfort. Bending over backwards for your own issue. Is that what you mean?

Try learning to read (ALL the posts). Get some sleep too. You sound like you need it.

OP posts:
Pusheen467 · 03/01/2024 07:02

Kwasi · 03/01/2024 06:59

I assume you are childless. What seems like a hyper active kid to someone without kids is really just a normal kid.

In the middle of the night though? DD (5) runs around the house in the daytime and I'm always surprised such a small person can make so much noise but OP should not have to tolerate this at the times she's listed.

Nofilteritwonthelp · 03/01/2024 07:03

My neighbours are like this, they don't try at all and are lazy parents. Luckily we live in detached houses buy I can always hear them crying and screaming, they never tell the children to stop. And I do have a child. The parents are selfish assholes.

Pusheen467 · 03/01/2024 07:04

cleo333 · 03/01/2024 06:56

I'm not liking the comment of you being a dick . Was that necessary to speak like that ? Sleep deprivation is Hideous as everyone knows and everyone should do all you can to prevent it end of

Unbelievable isn't it? Only on MN would someone call someone a dick for not wanting to be kept awake constantly by someone else's child.

Rewis · 03/01/2024 07:04

My first reaction is that is there something wrong with the building? Newbuilds usually should have better soundproofing and you shouldn't be hearing steps so loudly even with flooring (carpets are not the norm in most places).

Nofilteritwonthelp · 03/01/2024 07:06

Kwasi · 03/01/2024 06:59

I assume you are childless. What seems like a hyper active kid to someone without kids is really just a normal kid.

I'm not childless, they sounds like shit neighbours! I'm guessing you have a similar "parenting" style as them

Brandyginger · 03/01/2024 07:08

OP you have my immense sympathy and the only people who are “dicks” are the posters who think you are being obsessive / unfair etc. keep up what you’re doing at the request of the management company. Can you audio record the sound? It won’t capture the vibrations of course.

in a flat share at uni my bedroom had zero soundproofing and noise from the living room kept me up all hours for a whole year. My flatmates told me to suck it up and that it wasn’t that bad (much like the responses you’re getting here). Until we all swapped rooms the following year and someone got my uninsulated room and lost the plot at the noise. I remember the sleep deprivation decades on.

i have very challenging SEN children and the various responses here citing SEN don’t cut it. I’d put rugs and mats down and I WOULD leap out of bed and put them back to bed asap. Which is what I do when that happens in hotels as I don’t want to disturb others (we live in a detached house so it’s not an issue day to day).

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