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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbours say they can only 'try' to control their child.

747 replies

sleeplessnights24 · 02/01/2024 23:50

I live in a new build. Everything has been ok, but the tenants upstairs have a 5 year old boy who doesn't stop stomping.

Running in the afternoon/normal hours is one thing, but this is in the early hours when people are clearly still asleep! It also happens in the middle of the night too...?! Surely a 5 year old can sleep through the night...? Also, why run if you're up that late?!

I noted the hours it happened. 5:30am, 5:40am, 6:30am - and weirdly 12:30am, 1:20am and 4:20am too. That's just in the last 3 weeks. On weekends it started at 6:50am and 5:40am. We are not just talking about brief periods of noise. It is often intermittent. The worst was 3:50am - which was intermittent until about 4:20am. Then again at 5:20am. Then at 7:30am. That night I didn't sleep at all since 3:50am.

Initially, all communications were fine. I only spoke up once I was at my wits end. I was polite - and so were they. No apology from their side though. They said they'd be mindful of the noise. Phew! I was grateful and hopeful to finally be able to sleep. I do not expect to live in silence (obviously), but stomping on your ceiling - when you're trying to sleep and it is still dark outside, is crazy.

A few months goes by... nothing changes. But because I had already complained once, I felt like I couldn't complain again... until I did.

Again, all polite from both sides. Said they'd be mindful. Ok.
Nothing changed again. Rinse & repeat. The noise - if anything - just got louder... so I spoke up again. Both sides nice and polite. They said it was 'confusing' that it was so loud. I asked multiple times if they'd like to come down and hear it for themselves as they didn't understand how it could be so disruptive. They ignored every invite to come listen.

They would say he 'only walks' on days I would be woken up in the morning - by running. They were/are defensive and looking for excuses. I get it. In many ways, I am not surprised. They kept saying they were 'being mindful' - but nothing ever changed. If the noise had reduced by 20% since I complained; at least that would be something. But there was literally no change.

I was transparent about having Bose headphones, white noise machines, etc... so they could see that I was doing things to drown out the noise from my side.

After 18 months of it happening on an almost daily basis, I complained to my building management Co. I had complained to management before - but their response was 'there's nothing we can do'. They didn't even pass on my sentiments to the owners of the flat.

This time I didn't relent - and asked them to pass/forward my email to the actual owners of the apartment upstairs. (Upstairs are renters). They did indeed forward my email to the owners.

I got a response saying the owners had spoken to their tenants - and the tenants have agreed to buy a rug and will 'try to control the movements of their child when possible'.

I took this as somewhat helpful - and was more angry that I was proven right in that what they'd done for the year prior - was nothing at all - certainly in terms of practical measures when they had told me there was nothing more they could do. Over the 18 months; there was one occasion where I (politely) asked what they had done to mitigate the noise... they didn't respond. (They have hardwood floors throughout).

For 8 weeks, they seemed to promptly stop the running in the middle of the night/early hours (which I only wanted stopped at unreasonable hours anyway) - but now we are back to square one it seems. I'm mindful of it being Winter (dark and awful weather outside) and also Christmas season, but I'm not sure why it keeps happening. They say the best they can do is 'try' to control it.

AIBU for not relenting and to keep complaining to management? The tenants have stopped opening my messages now.

OP posts:
Cmonluv · 03/01/2024 04:23

Chichimcgee · 03/01/2024 04:20

scared he won’t wake up my son is the exact same, it’s so heartbreaking because he needs to sleep, I can’t say oh don’t worry you can sleep next week. I’ve tried everything and at times I genuinely feel like I’m losing the plot.

We're probably both losing the plot. Having opposite reactions to imagining dealing with a neighbour being disturbed because I'd be mortified as you would and as I suspect ops parents are. It's frequently mortifying.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 03/01/2024 04:25

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🙄

Chichimcgee · 03/01/2024 04:26

I think that’s it, I’d be mortified and I’ve had noisy neighbours before and I couldn’t handle it at all.

LutonBeds · 03/01/2024 04:26

NickiHendrix · 03/01/2024 00:55

We live in a block of flats and my 2 year old is constantly running up and down the place. We have hard flooring too. If my neighbours downstairs complained then I’d feel sorry for them but what can really be done.

If they’re renting then why can’t the owners put down a different type of flooring so you can live in peace?

Well, you could stop him doing it in the middle of the night! Why can no one control their children anymore? Why does OPs neighbour think it’s ok for kids to be running around at 0120? I’d have been sharply bollocked and told in no uncertain terms by my parents that the behaviour was unacceptable and not to do it again.

readingismycardio · 03/01/2024 04:30

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How is that OP's problem, though?

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 03/01/2024 04:31

HundredMilesAnHour · 03/01/2024 00:01

So there's nothing in the lease about flooring?? What about quiet enjoyment?

I'd kick up a stink to the management company and the landlord again. And again and again. You're already logging the incidents so I'd also get some advice from the noise team at the council and try to go down the anti-social behaviour route.

Quiet enjoyment does not mean disturbed by noise, despite the nomenclature. 'Quiet' means without interference. 'Enjoyment' means to have the use and benefit of the premises.

< otherwise agree with everything you say! >

Cmonluv · 03/01/2024 04:34

readingismycardio · 03/01/2024 04:30

How is that OP's problem, though?

Op has clearly documented how it's her problem

readingismycardio · 03/01/2024 04:35

@Cmonluv the poster I replied to said that the neighbors must be sleep deprived. This is what I was replying to. I sympathise with the OP and the situation she is in.

simonell · 03/01/2024 04:36

You have my sympathy. Mine (by mine I mean the heard of elephants that live above my head) got basketballs for Christmas 😬
I'm awake right now listening to them stomping around. Sleep deprivation is torture and it drives you insane.
I also live next to an air b&b and that's a whole other story.
Not as easy as just moving is it. The price of rent is ridiculous where I live (due hugely to it becoming a massive air b&b hotspot in the last few years) I would say 80% of rentals in my area are short term holiday lets !

Cmonluv · 03/01/2024 04:42

readingismycardio · 03/01/2024 04:35

@Cmonluv the poster I replied to said that the neighbors must be sleep deprived. This is what I was replying to. I sympathise with the OP and the situation she is in.

I was being facetious I don't have much sympathy for op

Nanaof1 · 03/01/2024 04:42

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Well, it's not her job to deal with a child who cannot sleep. That's a job for the parents! If they can't afford a rug and some foam mats, they should have thought of their dire financial situation before having a child.

And your attitude left "vile" in the dust a while ago.

meatbaseddessert · 03/01/2024 05:11

Didn't we have this EXACT post a while ago? Including details of the rug purchase offer?

Either way I feel for you OP.

Kokeshi123 · 03/01/2024 05:26

Rugs and mats are perfectly possible to make safe; the edges need to be put under items of furniture so that they can't ride up. Neighbors need to do this and get on with this. If the neighbors genuinely start doing what they can to deal with the noise, I'd try and be nice about it; kids who won't sleep are a right pain to their parents as well as others!

madeleine85 · 03/01/2024 05:42

OP I might have missed this, but are you renting as well? If so, there’s usually an expectation of the right of peaceful enjoyment of the property (at least where I am). I had a person renting above me once with what sounded like feet made of hammers, I thought he was about 300lbs. When I finally met him, he was a tiny man, just walked as though he was a dinosaur and liked to practice dj’ing with heavy bass right through my ceiling, all night long. My management company actually evicted him, so keep complaining. Also, some contracts stipulate that x% of a rental must be carpeted/have rugs.

Avtrini · 03/01/2024 05:45

I am a top graduate and earnt £60k, ditto hubby. In pregnancy it became apparent I had a previously undiagnosed condition; my toenails fell out, I couldn’t walk, hip dislocated, vertigo to name a few. Sick/mat pay and any dependency pay runs out very quickly, and if they don’t want to pay its hard to fight a bad employer from hospital. We had to give up mortgage and go rent. Eventually mc, then cancer diagnosis and sometime after that we separated.

Im doing fine-ish now but I have thought about what if I had had a child. Financially, energetically, emotional strength wise I definitely wouldn’t have coped.

Terrible to say they should have thought of their dire financial situation before having kids, you can’t know the future or someone else’s situation. Better not to judge.

I never sleep now since all the treatments. I wouldn’t have the energy to parent, stop the child running around and to go and buy rugs, no matter how simple it sounds. People struggle. Maybe the parents are exhausted and depressed.

Or maybe they’re just shit parents, shit neighbours, shit tenants who we should get evicted or preferably deported off the face of the earth….

Avtrini · 03/01/2024 05:49

Do you consider an adult man playing bass the same as a 5 year old boy who sleeps badly and moves noisily? Both equally deserve eviction?

Baffledandalarmed · 03/01/2024 06:05

Some of the posts on this thread remind me of why I absolutely despise other peoples children. The sheer arrogance of some posters that OP should just suck it up.

No. OP. Don’t suck it up.

Their child is a feral little brat and they are its parents and need to get a grip. No one needs to put up with this. Children aren’t little gods to be worshipped. The parents need to parent. Keep complaining.

Zanatdy · 03/01/2024 06:12

You need to message the landlord again, ask them to change the flooring to carpet. Keep messaging the landlord. That said it’s incredibly difficult trying to keep a child from running around in their own home, and it’s also incredibly difficult knowing someone is complaining when you’re not having loud parties but just living your life. Not sure if flat living is for you. I live in a block of flats and you do have to tolerate a certain amount of noise. When children live above you it’s hard, but not anything you can control. No-one would do anything about it (council etc) as it’s not loud partying etc but day to day noises. I’m sure they tell their child to stop running, or maybe they are sick of the complaints and started telling him to run. I feel for both sides of this.

Avtrini · 03/01/2024 06:15

Maybe. I mean we simply cannot know as we don’t live there. Maybe the OP is a self centred brat who’s parents constantly spoiled her so now as an adult she can’t tolerate having normal volume neighbours but also never learnt enough work ethic to buy her dream detached mansion? As we don’t live there I’m not sure how emphatically we can know or should throw our insults. And even if we did live there, especially so, would it help?

Avtrini · 03/01/2024 06:17

Last reply was to baffled and alarmed

Tandora · 03/01/2024 06:25

Iam4eels · 03/01/2024 00:07

You're living in a block of flats and a fact of life with flats is that most of them are poorly insulated against sound (hardwood floors fitted as standard a point in case) and you will inevitably hear noise from your neighbours.

The child is five years old, if you took this complaint to environmental health they'd tell you that legally there is nothing you can do because a child moving around their home is classed as 'living noise'. You are being massively unreasonable to continue to harass this family via their landlord, they've put a rug down in the bedroom and short of tying their child to a chair there isn't much they can do about him moving around. Small children can be heavy footed and they can often run even when they know they shouldn't.

You seem to be hyper-aware of the noise which is probably contributing to it seeming much worse than it actually is and it's time for you to look at what you can do from your side to lessen how much of it you're hearing - ear plugs, white noise, swapping rooms, getting rid of your own hardwood floors to prevent echo, etc.

This. YABU I’m afraid. This is a 5 year old child and the offence appears to be walking on the floor.
The problems are the structure of the building and your sensitivity to the noise. You are going to have to find a solution yourself , learn to live with it or move. YABu to harass your neighbours through their landlord for this.

EnjoyTheMushrooms · 03/01/2024 06:26

you need a broom handle. Every time they bang, bang back.

Joevanswell · 03/01/2024 06:28

@RedToothBrush you sound like a neighbour from hell, with your”I can’t sleep so why should you” approach. My child didn’t sleep but luckily we live in a detached house soon one else was affected but if we weren’t, I certainly would have tried to negate the effect. I am not quite sure why you think the world should revolve around you and your child who you are responsible for

BelindaOkra · 03/01/2024 06:31

meatbaseddessert · 03/01/2024 05:11

Didn't we have this EXACT post a while ago? Including details of the rug purchase offer?

Either way I feel for you OP.

Yes. I even checked the date of the OP.

Ascubudr · 03/01/2024 06:32

sleeplessnights24 · 03/01/2024 02:17

Haha. This is exactly what I said in my latest email. (I think I also said it in my previous posts here). I said I'm mindful of bad weather, Christmas, holidays, festive fun etc... but that it's becoming frequent/daily again - and then gave them the times/dates - and that it couldn't go back to the way it was for 18 months.

But here you are at 2am. I do wonder if your " middle of the night" is just their early morning. TBH with you DCs anytime after 5:30 am is fair game really.

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