No alcohol wedding

[KK05]

So I’ve just discovered that my friends wedding in 3 weeks is alcohol free. I was always expecting to pay for my own drink on the day but it turns out they aren’t having alcohol at all. This was a shock as they both enjoy nights out with alcohol and her hen was messy.

My issue isn’t the fact we can’t have a drink, I would still be going either way it’s that we’ve only just found out.

All in all we have spent almost £300 for a hotel the night before and night of the wedding. Night before was so we didn’t have to try and check in either after the wedding or try to squeeze it in at some point throughout the day. Would never have stayed for even one night if I knew I could drive. Too far for cabs/public transport but would have happily driven there and back. Think country estate. Plus it’s a hour away from home (bride and groom live same town as me). Trying to cancel so fingers crossed I get some money back.

There was nothing mentioned on the invites and nothing was said until last night and even then was just mentioned in passing.

My question is it unusual to mention this on invites? I’ve never been to a wedding with no alcohol so not entirely sure. I also know that a few people going could be doing with the extra money in the bank even if only staying one night or trying to arrange transport to and from the nearest town.

Would it be unreasonable to mention to the happy couple that they need to make people aware before the day? Or AIBU suggesting this?

She’s a very good friend if that helps and it’s not the no alcohol that’s the issue but the extra expense that we didn’t really need to spend. Money isn’t a huge problem for us but I’m still annoyed I’m out of pocket.

Can you check with the venue to be sure OP?

When my religious friend got married a number of years ago there was no alcohol on the tables, but some were a bit outraged that it was available to purchase at the hotel bar. It would be odd for the venue to agree to not have available the most profitable part of their business.

Nope. If you had read my posts. I have been to a dry wedding - afternoon tea it was lovely but not a traditional wedding and finished early. I don’t have an issue with any arrangements made, but guests must be aware so they can plan accordingly.

Those who say alcohol at a wake is a UK cultural thing, have clearly never been to an Irish funeral. The most hungover I have been in my life was the day after my Irish FiL's funeral.

I went to a Mauritian funeral a few months ago and bottles of overproof rum were placed on the table amongst the tea and snacks.

In many many countries a funeral is a celebration of someone's life and for a lot of cultures than involves alcohol.

What?

Anyway it's not that big a deal. If you're only staying over because you want a drink then bring a hip flask.

Your post almost makes it sound as though "alcohol = must be consumed", "no alcohol = more choice/driving/money saving options" whereas those options are available regardless of availability of alcohol.

This. Anyone really wanting to save money could just not drink and then drive home, regardless of whether or not alcohol was available.

I've been to one alcohol free wedding but it was so long ago I cannot remember when I was told it was alcohol free. Mind you, the whole thing was so dire that I went to the pub between the wedding and the reception and got tanked up because getting through it sober wasn't an option. Christian wedding which made the whole ceremony about a woman being handed over to a man for safekeeping. It was awful. Never again.

😂😂

How much alcohol is ok in your book? If your friends are drinking ‘some alcohol’ and then driving afterwards, more fool them! Let’s hope they don’t hit anyone on their way home.

As someone who was hit by a careless driver, I’d plan not to drive even after only one glass of wine. I guess until it affects you directly, you’ll carry on thinking that one or two drinks is worth the risk?

You shouldn’t drink any alcohol at ALL, if you’re intending to drive afterwards. OP was being extremely sensible in my view.

Are you for real, do people even own hip flasks these days???

What is wrong with giving guests the choice? I wouldn’t like my guests to be forced into skulking around with shared hip flasks and Diet Coke bottles laced with vodka or whatever like they are 14 years old again!! 😂😂 Just to get through my ‘special’ day - jeez they are in the main I assume ADULTS!!

I’m from the UK and have never been to a funeral where alcohol has been served / offered. Perhaps it’s regional?

As you're a good friend I think you should clarify that you have understood things correctly - could be she means no alcohol provided but you can buy at the bar?

That seems far more likely the case, as you say they are both drinkers! It would be very odd otherwise.

I've been to two non-alcohol weddings, both for religious reasons, and you can still have a great time.

I hope you can get your hotel money back.

A couple in our family had a dry wedding despite both drinking because the venue (church hall) was dry and her parents wouldn't come if there was alcohol.
I'm groom's side and the grumbling was ridiculous. Uncles threatening not to come.

It was well signposted though and most families were driving straight from home.

Too right!

Tbh no one was forcing you to drink even if alcohol was provided. You always had the option to not drink and drive straight home if you wanted to save money.

If the hen was messy maybe they've decided it's not what they want anymore. Or don't want a messy wedding. Or have relatives with problem drinking.

I don't see an issue at all. Most of my friends hardly drink, our weddings have all been great fun.

Brides pregnant and they don’t want anyone to know so they’ve banned alcohol 🤷‍♀️

Depends where the wake is surely. Ours was in a pub!

I’ve been to a few Muslim weddings where alcohol hasn’t been served. Lovely alternatives offered.

Regular Greek (I’m Cypriot) weddings I’d expect alcohol & id either stay the night, not drink, or get a cab home. Depends on venue or how close I am to person getting married.

Also Greek weddings sometimes have bottles of whiskey, brandy and vodka/gin on the table. Sometimes all 3. Often untouched so always a waste of money I think, as well as the wines on the table.

I agree. You have made arrangements not to drive as you assumed you were having alcohol. This has been quite an extra expense. It's a very strange thing to do at a wedding unless the bride and groom don't drink for cultural reasons.

A booze free wedding sounds perfect to me! Too many people drink too much at Weddings and it's not pleasant.

I bet people will bring a hip flask though.

And there's me thinking a wedding was about sharing in the bride and groom's joy! Can you really not manage ONE day without a drink? Your priorities are all wrong.

Never been to a wake anywhere than in a family house or the church hall, so perhaps that’s the difference.

Trying to cancel so fingers crossed I get some money back.

Surely you know whether you booked a refundable room when you booked it?

The Issue is most weddings are so desperately long and tedious, with unbearable waits between everything. Such a long drawn out day that most need at least one snifter to endure it all. The small talk, the boredom, the fixed smiles and the crushing relief of a cool glass of wine makes it all much more pleasant.

If it was the service followed immediately by a few two minute speeches and food instantly available- then it would be better for the guests certainly.

If I spent hundreds on a hotel so I could have a boozy evening i would be pretty irritated if there was no booze. I would clarify whether there will be a cash bar and if not either take my own or cancel hotel if possible.

Sounds very unlikely there wouldn't be pay for bar.

Yeah to be honest most weddings can be quite tedious for everyone except the bride and groom.