No alcohol wedding

[KK05]

So I’ve just discovered that my friends wedding in 3 weeks is alcohol free. I was always expecting to pay for my own drink on the day but it turns out they aren’t having alcohol at all. This was a shock as they both enjoy nights out with alcohol and her hen was messy.

My issue isn’t the fact we can’t have a drink, I would still be going either way it’s that we’ve only just found out.

All in all we have spent almost £300 for a hotel the night before and night of the wedding. Night before was so we didn’t have to try and check in either after the wedding or try to squeeze it in at some point throughout the day. Would never have stayed for even one night if I knew I could drive. Too far for cabs/public transport but would have happily driven there and back. Think country estate. Plus it’s a hour away from home (bride and groom live same town as me). Trying to cancel so fingers crossed I get some money back.

There was nothing mentioned on the invites and nothing was said until last night and even then was just mentioned in passing.

My question is it unusual to mention this on invites? I’ve never been to a wedding with no alcohol so not entirely sure. I also know that a few people going could be doing with the extra money in the bank even if only staying one night or trying to arrange transport to and from the nearest town.

Would it be unreasonable to mention to the happy couple that they need to make people aware before the day? Or AIBU suggesting this?

She’s a very good friend if that helps and it’s not the no alcohol that’s the issue but the extra expense that we didn’t really need to spend. Money isn’t a huge problem for us but I’m still annoyed I’m out of pocket.

Have you been drinking? Because that makes no sense!

You've had a post deleted.....

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Oh my goodness... does anyone else think that @Itsdifferentnow could be related to this wedding in some way?????

The bride that's a daily fail reader.... for sure!

I have been wondering if she is the bride.

I mean, much as I think this is an interesting topic for discussion, it would be awful to start reading about your own wedding either on here, in the Daily Fail or anywhere else it gets quoted on the internet.

Why not?

The other assumption might be, they're saving a shed load of money by only having soft drinks. Probably welcome hip flasks and secreted bottle's in the shrubbery

Ah but buying soft drinks costs the guests more from the bar too we all know pubs make their money on the soft drinks rather than alcohol. Added to the cheaper wedding for renting out the rooms chaching for the bride and groom 😉

Wow, I have to say I think the B&G are totally out of order for not telling people that the wedding is alcohol free…. I did wonder if this was down to them not wanting everyone to instead just snuggle in alcohol and spend the night topping up their glass of coke with vodka bought from Tesco on the way!!!…. (Which I would’ve understood….. but not telling anyone because they didn’t want people to drive and wanted people to book pricey rooms is just so damn cheeky!!
Honestly if I had a family member who was THAT BAD when drunk that I needed to put a complete ban on alcohol being served then I would simply just not invite THAT family member and tell them why!! I’d rather face the fall out from that person for not being invited than piss off a whole guest list for allowing them to book expensive rooms and taxis !!
If the wedding is in an expensive location I’d be expecting lots of guests to smuggle in hip flasks anyway!!… we got married in a hotel and I think they rubbed their hands together when they realised lots of guests were servicemen… they commented the following day that they hadn’t sold as much alcohol as they had expected!… it was so expensive everyone had gone to the local supermarket and bought bottles! 😂

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No
Of course I wouldn’t 🤷‍♀️
Because I don’t care 😂😂😂😂
It doesn’t matter to me whether there would be alcohol or not
THAT is the point I’m trying to make 😣😣😣

Id it mattered to me, then yes, of course I would 🤷‍♀️
In the exact same way, I’d check that I could gain access to the building, or that there was food I could eat.

I wouldn't want to drive after a tiring day even for an hour. I've done it and it's horrible even when it's not late at night. I possibly would've driven on the day but would've stayed over alcohol or not for the night.

But those things aren’t usually a given, or aren’t applicable in many cases. If you’re vegetarian/vegan or have allergies, then yes, of course you flag that, because you know it isn’t catered for as standard. If you use a wheelchair or walk with a stick, of course you check the reception room isn’t at the top of a winding narrow staircase. If you’re omnivorous with no allergies and no mobility issues, you don’t phone up to say “Can I check that the menu will contain meat, fish or vegetables please? And is the dining room upstairs or downstairs, because it makes absolutely no odds to me either way.”

No one checks if a venue that always sells alcohol will be serving alcohol at an event where it traditionally plays an important part.

If you’re omnivorous with no allergies and no mobility issues, you don’t phone up to say “Can I check that the menu will contain meat, fish or vegetables please? And is the dining room upstairs or downstairs, because it makes absolutely no odds to me either way.”

This cracked me up @StockpotSoup 😂😂😂

But the venue IS serving alcohol, just in a different room. I don’t get why it’s such a big deal, and if it IS a big deal to YOU, then CHECK. It’s really not rocket science.

And thanks for making my point so beautifully for me. So many have missed it.
You DON’T check, unless it’s important to you, in which case you do 🤷‍♀️

As a woman who ran weddings for quite some time, if I had 200 guests calling to ask me if the bar was going to be open I would lose the plot! What a ridiculous suggestion.

OP only found out there was a small hotel bar in the venue after the initial conversation, and it doesn't seem like the bride wanted to advertise this too much to guests, which is ridiculous because they'll find it anyway .

The whole wedding is going to end up decamped in the bar, I guarantee it'll be a shit show of the B&G own making.

Wow ! Is this a new trend ? I hate weddings , not even having a drink sounds like a nightmare. If I went to a wedding that had no drinks I would consider not going or staying

Hopefully, it wouldn’t be a deal breaker for 200 people, and hopefully those that it matters enough to, would just ask the B&G instead of you 🙄
Frankly, I don’t care whether you actually “ran weddings” (although I very much doubt it) or whether you are just trolling, but you are talking nonsense.

When you're invited to a wedding, do you usually call the bride and groom to check whether food will be served, in case you need to take your own sandwiches?

YANBU and I completely agree regarding the room. I think the B&G have dropped a bit of a clanger here on several aspects

Firstly lots of people will have booked a room because they would like a drink (I know this is what I would have done), but if no alcohol is being served I wouldn't have done so and would have driven home: I'd much rather be in my own bed, plus it means you have the next day to do what you'd like to rather than having to spend the morning in the hotel and driving home. Glad to see the B&G are now telling people, however this might back fire with regards to the financial aspect.

Secondly, once the guests get wind of the main bar being open, they will have people sitting in there rather than with the bridal party.

I remember going to a birthday party in a local pub, the bar in the function room wasn't working (for whatever reason), and most of the party guests ended up sat in the main bar having a drink - they did have the option of taking their drinks back into the function room, but lots decided to sit in the bar and chat. I felt awful for the birthday girl as there were only a handful of people dancing and the room was practically empty

Yes and also if they have toilet paper or do you need to bring your own 🤣

“Hello. Thanks for the wedding invitation! Can I just check please, will talking to other guests be allowed? Just wanted to be sure as the socialising aspect of this sort of event is very important to me.”

Good thinking!

Perhaps wedding invites should be sent like this:

Food daytime ✅
Water available ✅
Food evening ✅
Alcohol ❌
Dancing ✅
Laughing ❌

Honestly! As if anyone would check for alcohol at a traditional wedding that religion doesn't ban alcohol. Which is why so few people think you've got a point @BillyNotQuiteNoMates

Do they plan on strapping the Problem Drinker to their chair to prevent access to the bar, and search his/her bags and person for contraband? Ha ha ha. See how ridiculous it is to try and control an entire wedding for ONE PERSON?

As @TryThisItHelps suggested : spread the word! The bride - your friend - might hear it mentioned and then realise she better tell everybody invited. Yes, a bit weird, but to each their own - in wedding-choices as in life. Have fun!