No alcohol wedding

[KK05]

So I’ve just discovered that my friends wedding in 3 weeks is alcohol free. I was always expecting to pay for my own drink on the day but it turns out they aren’t having alcohol at all. This was a shock as they both enjoy nights out with alcohol and her hen was messy.

My issue isn’t the fact we can’t have a drink, I would still be going either way it’s that we’ve only just found out.

All in all we have spent almost £300 for a hotel the night before and night of the wedding. Night before was so we didn’t have to try and check in either after the wedding or try to squeeze it in at some point throughout the day. Would never have stayed for even one night if I knew I could drive. Too far for cabs/public transport but would have happily driven there and back. Think country estate. Plus it’s a hour away from home (bride and groom live same town as me). Trying to cancel so fingers crossed I get some money back.

There was nothing mentioned on the invites and nothing was said until last night and even then was just mentioned in passing.

My question is it unusual to mention this on invites? I’ve never been to a wedding with no alcohol so not entirely sure. I also know that a few people going could be doing with the extra money in the bank even if only staying one night or trying to arrange transport to and from the nearest town.

Would it be unreasonable to mention to the happy couple that they need to make people aware before the day? Or AIBU suggesting this?

She’s a very good friend if that helps and it’s not the no alcohol that’s the issue but the extra expense that we didn’t really need to spend. Money isn’t a huge problem for us but I’m still annoyed I’m out of pocket.

Still the dm article has even more pointless comments under it than on here

I don’t drink alcohol but I wouldn’t do this to my guests. I think the whole wedding will have a very odd vibe now. I also think the wedding venue can’t be happy thats where they make their money.

Let people know urself so a least people are prepared. I’ve no idea what they were thinking 🤦‍♀️

If there's alcohol people have a choice. Drink and stay over/spend extra on taxis or drive and don't drink. Now if there's no alcohol available, the choice to make is different. Stay over because they want a night away or drive. It's not about the actual drinking. It's about having the information to decide what you want to do with your time and money properly.

I don't drink, just to be clear. And yet I understand that some people may want to have a glass of wine with their dinner, a glass of fizz for a toast at a wedding, a g&t or a beer at an evening do. And therefore, if they want to, they can decide how to get to/from a venue appropriately.

All these people saying you could have chosen not to drink anyway aren't wrong either, but I bet if they like a drink they would also factor that into their decision of whether they stay over or drive or get a taxi or walk or fly or whatever their chosen form of transport might be in any number of circumstances.

Read all the posts from the OP and don't just make assumptions based on the title then act all holier than thou.

And that one person will be at the front of the queue at the bar.....

Probably won't return to the reception, just stay at the bar.

If they are that problematic, they’ll likely be drinking before the wedding so it’s all a bit pointless and will annoy a lot of people

A wedding planner! On Mumsnet! Surely it cannot be 😱

Oh, love. I really haven’t made your point for you. Even you haven’t made your point for you.

@DirectionToPerfection I know right! You'd swear I told @BillyNotQuiteNoMates I was a rocket scientist 😂 I've worked in hospitality sales and operations all my life, sold and ran weddings for 3 of those years and only moved jobs in the last 18months, I literally have no reason to make that up 😂

My friend is an event planner and her view is that the etiquette is to state on the invite that it’s a dry wedding. It’s just the correct form to give that information upfront. The same as if it’s vegan food only for example.

Back in the 20th century, it was the done thing to tell people in advance if it was a cash bar (and not drinks included) as up to about the 90’s it was the normal thing for the bar bill to be paid for by the brides parents.

Times change and expectations are different now but the polite and correct thing is to let guests know if anything is outside the standard norm for weddings/events and outside of MN the vast majority of people would think there would be alcohol served at a wedding.

Pff I'd rather have alcohol with no wedding

“She seems to be in the dark as much as me about the whole stopping someone from drinking so no idea who it is. Was also very shocked about the dry thing.”

I think the drinker they are trying to keep from alcohol is MOB!

It would be important to me that I’m sat next to someone I know, that there will be toilets, that the food is good, that it will be fun and that I get a glass of wine. Should I call up the bride/groom/venue and check for every wedding I go to? Or should I assume and accept the invitation hoping for the best?

It seems to me they are just being cheap ! What will people have with their meals then ? This is so so odd . And I grew up in a country where a open bar is the norm so having to pay for drinks is already a 😮 thing I had to get used to in the U.K.

Honestly, can no one just enjoy a wedding nowadays without needing to go to the toilet?!

Honestly it's not even about the No bar in the hall. They need to tel people that they don't want drink in the room at all as otherwise someone will pop to the bar for a bottle of wine and bring it back to their table not realising that the bride and groom don't want alcohol in the room at all. They have to let people know that at least so people don't inadvertently offend them.

Indeed and who are they planning to put on the door to prevent guests bringing in their drinks.

Nothing says wedding more than a bouncer on the door of the reception room checking what everyone’s carrying 😂

I've been to a lot of alcohol-free weddings. I don't mind them. You can drive there and back and they generally don't last the whole day. You can have a nice conversation with friends/guests without all the drunks.

I've never been told a wedding is "alcohol-free", but you can judge it based on the type of family they are. The majority of these weddings are due to religion - usually Muslim, or Christian.

As a guest, you should respect what the bride and groom want. If you don't want to go to a wedding which is not serving alcohol, you're attending for the wrong reasons. It's not about you.

As a general observation and new statistical data, Gen Z are growing up sober curious. They're taking it slow as they enter adulthood, either by not drinking at all, or drinking less often and in less quantity than older generations. So we'll probably be seeing a lot more of this.

I've seen security and bouncers at weddings. I've even heard the DJ tell guests "No drinks on the dancefloor", and cut the music to point people out.

Assume and accept the invitation hoping for the best - it's not your wedding. No one cares if you're having a good time or not.

You sound depressed. You'll be happier not attending and getting yourself over to a pub.

Hopefully Generation Z will have the brains to realise that if they want a dry wedding, it's best they pick a venue that won't be selling alcohol at the same time.

I've been to a lot of alcohol-free weddings. I don't mind them. You can drive there and back

Exactly - if you know the wedding is going to be alcohol-free!! Kind of the point of the entire thread…

Most reasonable people do give a shit whether their guests are having a good time, considering the expense and effort they'll have gone to in order to attend. I know my DH and I certainly cared at our wedding, and thankfully people did enjoy it.

As a guest, you should respect what the bride and groom want. If you don't want to go to a wedding which is not serving alcohol, you're attending for the wrong reasons. It's not about you.

Another one with reading comprehension issues 🤦

Where did the OP say she didn't want to go to the wedding?

You've missed the point of the entire thread with your third sentence. "You can drive there and back"

EXACTLY! So if people knew it was going to be alcohol free they wouldn't need to book the expensive rooms that they've booked which the B&G need them to book. It's not about alcohol.